Award 2

Now, tis the second Black Cat, Blue Sea award nominated by my darling friend, Life on the Borderline She came up with some of her own questions so we shall read through them now! HUZZAH!

black cat blue sea awards

Drawing that I once again, did NOT depict, but is lovely as ever. Image from Google!

  • Why did you chose the name of your blog?

I chose the name “Recovery to Wellness” because on deviantART back in December 2015 I created a group there called Recovery-to-Wellness where I dreamed of putting my art content, feature other people’s artworks, create a positive environment safe where we could discuss mental health issues and I could open up about my own experiences with it and what I’ve learned over the course of time. So, it seemed only natural and fitting to make this blog the same name where I’ll be doing the same thing, bringing more light to this well deserved topic and gaining some type of traction for it. =] I have many plans ahead for this blog and that group!

  • What is your favourite thing to do?

Definitely artwork!! I’ve already posted here some examples of my artwork, ranging from photography (I’d like to return to this one very soon, there’s a contest going on on DA involving photography that I want to submit to), drawing, watercoloring, painting, making bracelets, IOS or ink on skin (where I draw on myself), scrapbooking… So soooo many art forms!! Oh, and creative writing of course!! I’m glad that I’ve gotten back into creative writing this year and that it’s given me the chance to blog!!

  • What grounds you?

Ink on skin grounds me the most. I’ll provide some examples here, some of my most fancy work. Also, body mists/scents. I love the Bath and Body Works spray of Beautiful Day, Marshmallow pumpkin latte, and A thousand Wishes. Red plum and freesia (if my memory is right) hand lotion by Victoria’s Secret is another fave of mine. Using my five senses also helps to ground me, such as creating a story or just listing off what things remind me of, say, if the wall is white, that makes me think of snow, and Elsa, and Frozen, and ‘Let it gooooooo’. Or one time I thought of silver and metal and OCD thoughts, but then I shook my head and restarted and thought of a woman with red, long hair, and she had a husband and children and I described their lives, their struggles, their home, their kids, etc. That helps me out a lot.

  • What is your favourite music?

I never know genres of music. I listen to a lot of the radio of 93.3 and 104.1 I think it is. Things that come up on the radio. But I like Eminem, Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, Rachel Platten, Imagine Dragons, Andy Grammer, Phillip Phillips, soundtrack music (you know for like trailers of movies and such. =] Two steps from hell, and lots of others). Yeah, that’s about as much as I can remember, right now. Also, Adele. *nods*

  • What is your favourite time of year and why?

Awesomely, I’m starting to enjoy all of the seasons of the year! I’m very excited for summer though. I want warm, hot weather and the confidence to wear shorter sleeves and shorts! I’m also looking forward to getting involved in some type of consistent exercise as that will be good for me and drawing and getting inspired for the artwork to create over this summer. I’ve returned to enjoying winter though and the snow was fun this year! Spring went by quick and odd and Autumn is lovely as well. =]

  • Who or what inspires you to write?

This is a good, thought-provoking question! I think, considering all of the creative writing to newspaper writing to blog writing spectrum, that creatively it naturally comes to me. It’s ingrained in the way I think and see the world. It just comes and overflows out of me naturally. For writing articles in the newspaper, my mental health experiences and helping others out in the world or whoever comes along my pieces to read them, helps to inspire me and I get a lot of help and therapeutic relief from writing them as well. And for blogging, so far it’s also just coming naturally. Again, I’ve likely had a lot of DA practice by writing journals on there. So, I just be myself and let the words come and pass. Of course, other artwork and reading awesome books is also very inspiring too! I’m honored that so many people think highly of my writing and my ability to write and that’s serving as a great outlet now for me. =)

  • Where would you rather be right now?

Again, I’d prefer being in a psych unit. But I’d also like to be reading or drawing by the ocean, on the beach, where it’s not so windy or cold and the sky is nice so I can watch the sunset and imagine the world and all its new possibilities for the day to come. I also could work on my little positive messages to give out to people while it’s still May! A project for tomorrow!! Also, I just realized now I never put in photos… gwah!

  • What made you decide to start a blog?

I was ferociously job searching and coming up empty handed. So then I went to find writing jobs and was led to a blogging mental health site that offers positions and was reading through the application process and got annoyed all over again so that, right then and there without further thought, I made this page. Still a good decision!!

 

Phew!! Once again, we made it through another award and series of questions! I’d like to thank Life on the Borderline again for existing, living and carrying on each and every day!! You are stronger than you feel and stronger than you think!! Also, thank you for nominating me with your super snazzy questions!!

I would like to nominate:

Joe

The Uniting Center

And anyone else who stumbles upon this and is interested in doing it!! (I’m running out of fingers to type with! Phew!)

A bid thee ado now, and farewell! *bows*

Black Cat, Blue Sea Award 1

black cat blue sea awards

I did NOT draw this!! Image off of Google. ❤

So, it’s been an eventful couple of days! I’ve been nominated for two of these black cat, blue sea awards and one for a Liebster award. I’ll be doing them slightly out of order, but it shall be amazing and you will enjoy it-or else! *or else I’ll sprinkle my pixie dust over you* (that actually reminds me of the fairy dust glitter stuff I have from Lush which I found again, hooray!)

This one I was nominated from the most loveliest human being, Miss Body Electric. Onwards, to the questions!

Who was the first blog/blogger you heard of/read, and how did they inspire you to start yours?

What an interesting question! Well, in the past couple of years I had found blogger Janet (ocdtalk) and in the fall of 2015 found Ellen’s OCD blog

They didn’t necessarily inspire me to create a blog, it just so happened that on the whim that I created this blog, I found them again through the tags and they luckily happened to be on this blogging website so now I can interact with them more! =]

I had created a blog once before for Photography Club at UMB, but it wasn’t on WordPress, there was once a tumblr page and a blogspot page. But I really like WordPress and its layout, it’s definitely growing on me more! And technically, it could be argued I’ve been blogging on DA for years now in the journals!! (My DeviantART account)

Do you see blogging as a future career or a side hobby?

If I could make money off of blogging I totally would. For the fact that just over this summer I’m desperately looking for work (I am talking with a few potential offers, hoping they will pan out!!) and have to wait longer than a few days to find out about such work, I feel that my writing and my mental health experiences thus far could be utilized in a powerful way that right now I’m not quite able to broadcast. So if in the future blogging offered that, I’d do it! For now it’s a wonderful hobby that’s blossoming. =]

What is your all time favourite album and why? How does it make you feel when you listen to it?

Oh man, I don’t often listen to many songs by one artist (although my notable faves are Demi Lovato and Eminem) but I did recently buy Rachel Platten’s CD “Wildfire” and I am soooo in love with her and it and her music and her super kind and positive attitude. It is remarkably refreshing and I just love it! Her song “Better Place” and “Fight Song” just make me love all the things. ❤ ❤ ❤

Four movies I’ve watched more than once…

Dead Poets Society. Avengers. Thor (one and two– for Loki though! XD). Starship Troopers. (and because I can…) Orphan. Horrible Bosses.

Four things I’d rather be doing right now…

Be on an inpatient ward. Lol. Be holding down a job. Be out at school/up in Boston. Reading books. =]

Four favourite foods…

I agree with Body Electric, chocolate is a must!! Ice cream. Spinach pizza. Sirloin tips.

Four shows I watch…

Including past ones, House MD. I’ve rewatched a couple S7 episodes the past few days. ER because I found episodes online and I would have loved it. Grey’s Anatomy, which I need to catch up on. Any of those Deadly Women or murder shows. *nods*

Four things I’m looking forward to…

My reboot in recovery and re-establishing my strength and many more new days ahead of being clean from self-harm. Painting my own front door. Creating artwork. Organizing.

Four things I’m always saying…

“XD” it’s a eyes closed, mouth grinning emoticon. I use it online and over texts all the time…XD Fuck. Amazing/awesome. Various noises like “Oooo, Aaaa, ahahha, Nargh, blargh, bippity bip boop boo!” And ploot! And poof. I say these out loud in person too, just so you get that painted picture even more. =]

There we go, we’ve made it to nearly the end! :O

 

Hmmm, I nominate… *goes into a new tab to find the peoples*

Living as One in Four

Walking With Anxiety

Scentsy Family

Iridescence

Catlin Hogan

Ciara

An Orchid’s View

Phew! Okay! We are slap clap and blap done here! =] Thank you again, body electric for nominating me!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

Go have fun now, friends! ^^

Relapse Blvd.

Today’s Prompt: Phase

Phase defined by the dictionary: a distinct period or stage in the process of change.

I’m going through a phase right now. I woke up this morning at around 6am (it’s now about 3 hours later). I sat with the OCD taking up the empty space beside me on my right in my bed. We chatted and it spoke to me and I pondered about how I was going to get through the next two days, how I could ensure that I go get hospitalized at MSE versus any other uncertain place, how I knew I was planning my own relapse.

And how a couple hours later… that relapse has occurred.

 

Part of me just wants to FEEL something. To have a good CRY. But no tears are coming. They’re locked inside my chest, and I don’t – or can’t – find the key to let them out.

Like I said yesterday, I feel like I’m going mad. Pardon the language. I feel like my marbles are swimming away and being crushed by boots from the sky. I feel a lump in my throat because I have to see my psychiatrist today and I’m afraid he might send me to the hospital today, right then and there.

I just want to FEEL. I want the OCD to go away. I want to get that “bliss” it’s been telling me I’d feel if I scratched myself again. Where is it, now, huh? Come on OCD, where’s this so called bliss you told me about??

Part of it is because I’ve grown tolerant. Part of it is that I don’t want to self-harm again. Part of it is me thinking if I get it out of my system that’s just all I need.

What sums up my position at the moment is this drawing:

IMG_8912 Upd

All the feelings we sometimes go through when deciding whether to move towards recovery or keep on regressing.

I don’t know whether to go forward (to recovery again) or spend some time going backwards (regressing/relapse/lapse land).

 

I don’t have the answer yet. I know I’m not never going to go back to recovery (pardon the double negative), I know this is just a phase and once I can strengthen myself again I’ll be back on the path of recovery 110%. I know my momentum is just puttering out. I just need to be refreshed on why recovery is so important to me, why it’s better than the glorification of the OCD, why I’m important to recover.

This time is new and different. I’m not severely depressed like I was last year. I’m just dealing with – or not dealing with – more frequent bouts of the OCD and the prospect that a job is waiting out for me in the summer time longer than like tomorrow. OR today. And that, I admit, is a bit depressing and has been triggering more of the OCD which well, I think you can imagine the cycle.

This is just a phase. Recovery is not a linear process. We all have ups and downs. I will be okay again. I just need some extra help right now. It’s been a long while coming.

 

Stay safe lovelies. ❤ ❤ ❤ Keep on holding on.