Scattered Storm

Approach, appear.

‘Cause this house don’t feel like home.

Hold on, Hold on to me.

‘Cause I’m a little Unsteady, a little Unsteady.

= X Ambassadors

I have promised myself,

That I wouldn’t let go.

But this storm it rages on within me,

And I find myself faltering at its depth,

Its struggle,

Its power.

Secrets are locked behind my lips,

A voice to the voiceless that can’t bear to be

Seen… let alone heard.

Suicidality grips me like a shadow,

Playful images of death swirl through my mind,

The gusts are stronger than myself,

Yet in reality,

I haven’t moved an inch.

If you love me, Don’t let go.

I’ve promised myself,

I wouldn’t let go.

Yet how deeply a part of me wishes

To be free.

A little Unsteady

Struggle Lane,

Mixing with Kill Yourself Road,

Mixing with Scratch Street,

All of them–forming a blur.

Hold, Hold onto me. ‘Cause I’m a little Unsteady. A little Unsteady

The clouds are gathering in the sky,

And I lack the breath within my soul

To get up and move away

From the torrential downpour that

Threatens to break loose.

Soon, the rain is falling

And I am soaking from its pull,

I am falling to my knees

And the storm,

The storm carries on.

I’m a little Unsteady. A little Unsteady

I itch to let go,

And here I remain.

The permanency of suicide frightens me,

I only wish for a small break.

B r e A K i n g and Cr a   c k   i n g inside.

I’m just a little Unsteady. A little Unsteady.

The war isn’t over.

I’ve lost myself mid-battle.

Death reeks of a stench that cannot be forgotten,

Life unfurls with a beauty that cannot be replaced.

If you love me, don’t let go.

How do I take a break, when every action seems so trivial?

Wasted, to the edge of the curb.

Here I stay.

Holding on.

Shaking and bent,

Yet,

Hold on, Hold on to me.

‘Cause I’m a little Unsteady, a little Unsteady.

An Avengers Evening

Hello my fellow peeps,

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? My apologies for my sudden and quiet absence.

Things have been a little odd and a little off with me lately. I’ve had more depressive days these past couple of ones, and I’ve been generally unmotivated or tired and napping a few times during the day. I’ve made some progress in other areas though, I did some artwork today and have been reading fanfiction as of late, which has kept me in a good mood. I’ve also gotten some more stationary recently from Michael’s this time, so that’s snazzy. And I’ve been cleaning up and reorganizing a corner of my room since I’ll be getting my first ever desk this coming weekend! And then a snazzy purple chair on Monday, so that I can finally have some desk space to use my laptop on and do homework and such, rather than just on my bed, where I’ve been at for years now.

This evening I watched Avengers again with my Mom downstairs in the living room, because I heard Tony Stark’s voice 😉 on the TV while I was coincidentally reading about him in a fanfic. Hehe. So I sauntered my way down the steps and onto the couch and watched the rest of the movie with her for a good hour and a half.

My laptop and its memory had been acting up before then so it was a well timed break.

Now, I’m just using one site at a time, although this is the only tab I have open right now to be working in.

So, because it’s been a while, let me show you all some of the stuffs I’ve been up to, while I keep on chatting with you. 🙂

This is a scrapbook page I did last Friday on Scrapbooking day. 🙂 It features 4 coloring sheets that eventually I shall one day complete, and is a snazzy little before image shot until I complete them later on 🙂 Then I just added some washi-tape and “Coloring” and “fun” repeated as well as “creative” spelt out with construction paper 😀

Now that I see this again, that floral print is probably the reason why I want to do a floral gift art now. XD

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The above is a slide show of the “Shooting Star” sunset or sunrise (depending on your view) IOS I did early last Wednesday, maybe? Yep, Wed. 🙂 I went up to campus that day and for therapy, and this is how the piece turned out, from start to finish! 😀

I made a couple of new bracelets some time last week, as well. Here are the shots of those:

Features a gem green center, 3 green, 3 yellow, 3 green then 4 randomized colors.

 

Features a dark black and purple glittered bead, 1 silver rectangle, 2 white, 1 red, 2 white, silver, then three gold and 2 icy blues.

This is a close up of the sparkles inside. And yes, I still have yet to change my nail polish 😉

Today, I did a watercolor vent work.

 

Close up of the ‘drainage’ happening from the tree into the color. Or the color from/into the tree. Depends on your perspective 😉

This piece, as you can see, is called:

Draining Depression

I find I just cannot do vent art pieces, they keep me in the clutches of the depression or the OCD, so I just HAVE to add my charm to them, by way of LE COLOR. So I added the colorful background and it helped to brighten up the piece for me, which was helpful and helped my mood.

This idea reminds me of a question on the OCD-I survey:

When I want to feel MORE positive emotion, I change the way I’m thinking.

When I want to feel LESS negative emotion, I change the way I’m thinking.

So far in these past two days, letting myself simmer in depression hasn’t been all that effective or helpful to get me out of it.

Buying some cute things that I can appreciate when I’m out of this funk has been good though. If not for my bank account then for some temporary relief.

I saw these two flamingo designed items, a pen and some tissues, in Michael’s and they honestly made me tear up because they reminded me of such a good blogger friend on here. ❤ ❤ ❤ In that moment, I genuinely, really felt her presence, her soul with me. It was very comforting.

 

Along with the blog, I’ve also been neglecting finishing my reading books to review. Which I direly need to get to.

for now, I think this is as much as I will say in this post. There is more, but I don’t want to get into it now to taint this evening to follow me tomorrow like yesterday did. Hopefully I can get some more work done tomorrow and show you guys some nice new nail art done. 🙂 I could really go for a slushie right now….

 

Until tomorrow, my friends.

Take care & Stay safe. ❤ ❤ ❤