Scattered Storm

Approach, appear.

‘Cause this house don’t feel like home.

Hold on, Hold on to me.

‘Cause I’m a little Unsteady, a little Unsteady.

= X Ambassadors

I have promised myself,

That I wouldn’t let go.

But this storm it rages on within me,

And I find myself faltering at its depth,

Its struggle,

Its power.

Secrets are locked behind my lips,

A voice to the voiceless that can’t bear to be

Seen… let alone heard.

Suicidality grips me like a shadow,

Playful images of death swirl through my mind,

The gusts are stronger than myself,

Yet in reality,

I haven’t moved an inch.

If you love me, Don’t let go.

I’ve promised myself,

I wouldn’t let go.

Yet how deeply a part of me wishes

To be free.

A little Unsteady

Struggle Lane,

Mixing with Kill Yourself Road,

Mixing with Scratch Street,

All of them–forming a blur.

Hold, Hold onto me. ‘Cause I’m a little Unsteady. A little Unsteady

The clouds are gathering in the sky,

And I lack the breath within my soul

To get up and move away

From the torrential downpour that

Threatens to break loose.

Soon, the rain is falling

And I am soaking from its pull,

I am falling to my knees

And the storm,

The storm carries on.

I’m a little Unsteady. A little Unsteady

I itch to let go,

And here I remain.

The permanency of suicide frightens me,

I only wish for a small break.

B r e A K i n g and Cr a   c k   i n g inside.

I’m just a little Unsteady. A little Unsteady.

The war isn’t over.

I’ve lost myself mid-battle.

Death reeks of a stench that cannot be forgotten,

Life unfurls with a beauty that cannot be replaced.

If you love me, don’t let go.

How do I take a break, when every action seems so trivial?

Wasted, to the edge of the curb.

Here I stay.

Holding on.

Shaking and bent,

Yet,

Hold on, Hold on to me.

‘Cause I’m a little Unsteady, a little Unsteady.

2 thoughts on “Scattered Storm

  1. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this low 😢 Suicidality is a bitch. Are you considering going inpatient? I want to try and help if I can…would you mind if I did some meditations for you? Xxxxx hugs xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wouldn’t mind at all, hun ❤

      It is a bitch, and the worst part feels that venting isn't even helpful. Gwah. ^^'
      I can't even pretend that I want to. My opinion gets too mixed up between starting a class soon, having other commitments (that always sounds so weird in situations like these), and just adding undo stress and financial issues to my family right now. Part of me also just doesn't see the point in it. Misery is enjoying misery at the moment.

      I'll try to keep a good head on my shoulders today though. Try and do some positive blogging, even if I want to more so unhelpfully vent or just not say anything at all. 😛 I have a couple of positive ideas for today though. And my hands are filled with bubble gum scented sparkles 🙂 That's something to smile about, at least. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Thank you for being here. xxxxx

      Liked by 1 person

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