I wish I was writing anything else BUT this post, but I’m tired of my lapsing self-harm bullshit, so I’m putting my issues on blast because maybe then I’ll stay away from what’s doing me a negative solid.
I’d be happier knowing people are not going to read this post however, if that were the case, I could just not post it. And because I need some accountability in my favor, I feel that it’s time for me to put it out in the open, for SOMEONE to know more about what I’m going through, even if it isn’t frequent nowadays, still, this is my second lapse in two months and I’m just tired of this bullshit.
I’m not talking about scratching myself, which I’m not sure if that’d be better or not (note, that “better” is a loose term). This wasn’t even OCD based this time either.
I’d love to keep lying to myself but that didn’t work out great for me in the past.
And I really don’t want to act on this again in the future.
So, I’m posting here my notes that I’ve written in my blogging journal in a slideshow. One from June 21st when I openly admitted my problem, and one from today as my lapse occurred within the last 12 hours.
Any support will make me squeamish that you know such a personal (and something I find embarrassing) thing, but also appreciated for the accountability factor.
Maybe next time I feel like I’ll be lapsing, I can make a post addressing it before I act on it.
Without further stalling… here is my tightly knotted “secret”. (note: I have mentioned this on the blog before, and to my T however I find it extremely difficult to talk about so even just putting it here online is tough, but it’s necessary. Don’t be surprised if I then go on to “bury this post” by writing up other ones (even if I do need to write up other ones anyhow).
If you could acknowledge that you now are aware of this issue of mine, I’d hate it but also be grateful. Sometimes we just need other people to recognize our troubles. And from there, I hope, we can move forwards.