I’m currently listening to this beautifully inspiring, hopeful and uplifting song:
And when I took a moment to pause before I came to write this post, a thought struck me that was familiar. It’s about the subject of loss, and I found where it was from and why it was so familiar to me–it’s from the book review “He’s Gone” by Deb Caletti:
13. “So much of your life is loss–contemplating loss, avoiding loss, dealing with loss. Objects go, cereal goes, time, places, people” – p. 203
It’s amusing and interesting that these words have come back to slug me in the head. One of the fascinating things I’m discovering about making my book reviews is that sometimes this happens–I remember the ideas or the concepts or the words from quotes I wrote down, or how I experienced the stories, how I fell in love with the characters, and now they get to hang around in my mind, too. It’s wonderful and remarkable. I may not remember the book’s title itself, but I think often of that thriller one I read that I related so much to the OCD and my recovery journey. Let’s see if I can take a moment to find it:
Gwah, I DO remember that novel. Fucking loved it!! 😀
Back to this post, though.
I was feeling the pangs of loss this morning when I discovered that my favorite cinnamon bun, pop tart, creme brulee is taking a hiatus from the blogging world. Understandably, it’s for self-care and that’s the best we can ever ask and expect of ourselves, and even though I’ll still be in contact with her, it still feels like a loss.
I won’t see her popping up in my notification feed and …. that really sucks. So, I’d like to just talk about loss and carrying loss today.
I haven’t lost many people in my life so far, not to death at least.
But I’ve lost people I once knew–old friendships, new friendships. I’ve lost good management in Photography Club, people who were interested and could step up to the plate. I’ve lost Steve, and moving on from that has not been easy, by any means.
And then there’s all the loss I’ll eventually lose in the future–new friendships, old friendships, partners, family, therapists, blogger friends, DA friends…. There are a few people I can mention specifically, too, and others that get grouped together.
I haven’t heard from Jeanine in a while, or Shouting from the Mountain Top, or other blogger friends, or friends I haven’t spoken to in months….
When you start thinking about all the loss you’ve gathered, the pot starts to look fuller with water (of loss) than you remember having put in it. 😦
Yet, it’s true that loss and feeling loss is an integral part of life. And while losing someone sucks a lot, I’ve learned in the past few years that having known someone at all is a true gift (unless they’re an asshole, then fuck them).
So while loss is difficult because it brings up pain and an absence of something that once existed…to feel loss about that existence at all, to have known another human being you loved dearly existed and either still exists physically or in some other way…matters.
It’s one thing to live life alone and trying not to form connections with anyone around yourself, but what a lonely and potentially miserable time that sounds like it would be.
If I have to deal with loss, I’d rather deal with it than never having expanded my mind or learning about another friend, or meeting someone who affected my life in one way or the other (but it’s better when it’s positive).
To feel loss and to carry that feeling is to carry the capacity for which we have the ability to impact each others lives.
I’ll still be able to contact my pop tart, and that’s better than I can say about most of the others I’ve lost to the winds of time. And also, I’ll be able to continue to meet new people and make new jokes and friendships and … build the garden back up.
No, it’s never quite the same. People are irreplaceable, just like pets are. I may only have one friend that’s a pop tart, and she’ll always be my pop tart. And I can also have others as sugar plums or llamas with hats (hehe) or whatever else my brain (or someone else’s for that last reference) comes up with.
I could continue on saying the same thing again and again, but my mind’s been expanded and I feel better now having worked through this. I also need to work on some other topics too… *blush* I’m a woman of quite a few tasks to do!
Remember though: At least stationary is a constant in life. ❤ ❤ ❤
And to help uplift your mood: