Why You Don’t See: What you don’t see on this blog

In reference to: This Post.

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1. Your lives are busy. You’re not always on the computer, you’re in different time zones, and so, you won’t always be there when I may need you, or vice versa.
2. Venting doesn’t help me. It just makes me feel worse. 😦 At least, venting in the sense of writing dark poetry, dark art, dark posts about how dark I feel.
3. It’s my own responsibility to take care of myself. Help and support is always welcome but, well, see number 1.
4. I don’t think posting when I’m feeling off or bad or stressed out is conducive to what this blog is about. It just doesn’t feel like it belongs, and I really want to take them down whenever I do manage to publish them (which is just once thus far).
5. I can only reasonably rely on myself. That, and hotlines and close family/friends. Sometimes though, I’ll just be in that slump where there’s no one really around or not that I can connect with and so it’s up to me to be there for me.
6. The stress will pass. It’s just a process of me being patient to wait for it to pass, while also taking responsibility that I can DO things about it to help it pass quicker, too.
7. Not doing positive coping strategies no longer makes sense to me. Which is not to say I don’t have the urges to do negative coping strategies, it’s just that I know doing them won’t help me and therefore, makes no sense to engage in, even if my brain is making no sense, too.
8. This video – 4 minute stress buster
9. That video. Background guided meditation
10. Changing my music choices.
11. Writing on my wrists (IOS-ink on skin):
    

    
12. Putting away the stuff that stressed me out (i.e. packing up Stats stuff and setting it closed and aside)
13. Finding some Youtube videos that have nothing to do with anything I’m doing.
14. No longer listening to music.
15. Comfort eating! Yum, creme puffs!

 

And yeah, this post too. I guess if the post or lack of post can spin me off to positively cope, that’s all that really matters. Against my better judgment, I’ll keep that previous post up on here and the link is still open until 9:oop EST! 😀 That’s a good hour. 🙂

I may also do some reading. Hmmmm.

 

Stay safe, peeps. ❤ ❤ ❤

What You Don’t See on RtW

*TW*

If you happen to see this and need some moral support for whatever it is that ails you, this link will be open until the end of the night (9:00p EST)

Join.Me

i can’t get the words

out of the roof of my mouth.

Stuck to the layers of flesh

and tissue,

they cripple and sway.

Youth, taken away from them.

There is nothing left.

I don’t even know if this post will become just that, a post. If you’re in this link right now, hello. It’s Raquel here, blogger of Recovery to Wellness. This is the stuff you don’t see. The behind the scenes. Maybe this will get posted, maybe it won’t.

I just know that I really want help right now and I’m stressed for my final and I know I shouldn’t even have to be, but it sucks and it’s hard and …. I’d just want to cry or curl up in a ball and sob or vent even though venting doesn’t help me and I don’t know what to do and everything just sucks and gah, I hate this.

I don’t want to cope positively right now. I want to curl up in the fetal position and hug my teddy bear/dog thing, and just sob. Sob because I can’t seem to get the right answers on my practice final and cry because it feels like the world is crushing in on me and the stupid join.me site is having some god damn technical difficulties.

I don’t want to self-harm. I don’t want to self-harm. I don’t want to self-harm.

If I repeat it enough times, maybe it’ll become true.

Now there’s no one left in the Join.Me link.

Why am I even bothering with writing this? I specifically do NOT write when I’m stressed or the OCD is knocking tin cans against the jail bars, because it does not HELP ME.

I just WANT SOMEONE to HELP ME.

the words shrivel up on my lips,

nothing is uttered.

there’s always a way to turn back.

with weakness,

she presses ‘publish’.