Entertain My Faith

This song is lovely and I especially love the second verse as of late. Plus the music video imagery is fantastic.

Remember the moment
You know exactly where you’re going,
‘Cause the next moment,
Before you know it, time is slowing
And it’s frozen still,
And the window sill looks really nice, right?
You think twice about your life,
It probably happens at night,
Right?

Fight it,
Take the pain, ignite it,
Tie a noose around your mind
Loose enough to breathe fine and tie it
To a tree. Tell it, “You belong to me.
This ain’t a noose, this is a leash.
And I have news for you: you must obey me.”

So I would have had 44 minutes of time to write with my laptop (I don’t have my charger) a couple of hours ago, but thought I’d save it for later (which is now). However, now I only actually have 26 minutes so, that’s great! *rolls eyes*

Any who, day #2 of my period and it’s gone remarkably well. I think my Midol might be wearing off which is shit but otherwise, I’m, really, really good.

Like, REALLY awesome FABULOUS AND A-FUCKING TASTIC BADASSERY ALL OVER THE PLACE.

I went to the OCD support group last night. We stayed LATE. Til 11p. Once I let myself feel it I’m going to crash exponentially. I napped on the train in the morning as usual but haven’t napped at all since.

I’ve been pretty safe today, although I did very loosely scratch myself once and bit at my skin. Besides that lapse, I’ve been safe. I’ve been FEELING safe.

I went to Advising and found out about other classes I have left to take, and I should be a’okay when it comes to graduating next fall semester, so that’s nice. I MIGHT take four classes next semester, I think the spring is a better time for me than autumn is, unfortunately. Then there’s all the grad school applications… *shudders* I’ll get to that bad boy much later though.

It’s … comforting and odd to plan so far ahead. It gives me more reasons to stick around, and in the uplifting of my mood I’ve been swiftly telling people how much I appreciate them today. I even professed friendship love to Craig. He really is my mental health hero, not sure if I’ve outwardly said that to you guys before. I’ve said it a few times in real life, at least.

Speaking of, tomorrow I have an IOOV presentation. Ohhhhh shit, I gotta work on that tonight. Or tomorrow morning, just read over the tips and tricks for that type of audience and write up what I wanna say and print it and I’ll be GOLDEN.

I didn’t see my therapist today but I did a phone call session instead. I’ll have another one on Friday at noon (saying this so I hopefully remember myself). It was tough to hear that I had broken a safety contract (via the general self-harm, biting, etc.) and got the dreaded question of ‘How doth one trust you now?’ question.

But we worked a LOT with the #RecoveryHome metaphor and that was pretty awesome. I’m definitely talking about where I am now in recovery during my presentation tomorrow.

I would have had a NAMI opportunity on the weekend, but I’m not in complete Recovery Raquel mode yet, so I may still send out an email and say that I’ll do it another time, next year. I have to rebuild a lot before I can add on more training’s for myself *nods*

But Recovery Raquel is in full blown force today. She is strong and powerful, bludgeoning her mind only metaphorically and NOT actually.

I also got some cookies and chocolate milk which is heavenly.

I did a drawing yesterday about #RecoveryHome and some not so positive drawings, but I’ll share those with you later tonight/this week. I have to hurry up now, dying battery and all. I await further instructions for the newspaper as well.

I’m reading a new book now, it’s quite good, all apocalyptic you know? 🙂

I’m basically at the path towards Recovery Home, I can see the stone sign that says Recovery Residence, and the path I am walking on is a cobblestone street with green trees tunneling the road, and sunlight drifting through the leaves. I see the light, and I notice the shadows and how they furl and whisper to me. I try my best to ignore them. They are insistent. I keep walking. As best as I can.

Stay tuned for the rest of my journey.

❤ ❤ ❤

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