How do we make changes in our lives that last?
How do we go from mere survival to thriving and striving forwards?
How do we grow out from the potted plant we are into the roaring, amazing jungle that we know we can be?
I don’t know these answers. But I would like to. It just takes time, maybe even, the answers themselves take time for us to truly see.
Maybe it’s not only about the path we’re on at the moment but the crossroads that we linger at that allow us to see the vital things we were missing out on before.
Maybe it’s not about journeying alone down one path but remembering that all paths are connected. We are human beings, social creatures in which we have the ability to impact one another’s lives. Maybe it is time for us to stop seeing our journeys as lonesome and cumbersome and more as the gifts of finite time in an unpredictable universe.
Sometimes I think the sunlight shining through the branches is the same sunlight shining through the branches we saw back in our journey five miles prior. It’s just that now that we’re at a different place in our journey, that we may either notice it more, or maybe not even at all.
“Everything changes,” is something I’ve said before. I believe in that.
So if I were to truly believe in the idea that everything changes, I’d have to recognize that this moment in time, too, shall change.
I feel uneasiness about that. But change is not necessarily for the worst. It’s scary, yeah, but it doesn’t have to be bad.
This evening I am pondering what makes a good hospitalization experience for me. What is it that I am seeking and not attaining? What is it that I am lacking in and not maintaining? What is it about my recovery journey that’s different now than it was before?
Am I seeing the sunlight through the branches or are there too many other doorways open before my very wall?
These are the tough questions. It feels to me, at this moment in time, that maintaining is harder than getting out of and through the acute crisis. Maybe that’s me saying that because I haven’t had a traditional crisis in a while. Or that I’ve been scratching my way towards one and not receiving one.
For now, I have to think of that answer about the hospital experience, about what I think I’d like to get out of my next one and how reasonable those expectations may be. Maybe the crisis chat online will actually go through as well *rolls eyes* I suppose until it works I can continue pondering that more, maybe even writing it out itself.
At a crossroads again, this time safer but a crossroad nonetheless.
Thanks for reading. ❤