18. Navigating a World of Triggers – #Blog4MH #OCD

I found another article that bordered on disappointing and annoying, this time though it was an author calling out the bullshit of a Good Housekeeping USA magazine using OCD as a quirk and cleaning joke: OCD is not an adjective

I am finding that in the nearly two weeks that I’ve been on Twitter, that it is a cesspool of triggers.

I’m not entirely sure how to feel about that… honestly.

I’ve used the hashtags (particularly the OCD one) in the title as my blog is linked (and has been over these last two weeks) with my blog’s twitter account so that the posts that I write can just go up automatically onto there. It’s a lot easier than doing them one by one, especially as I’m writing many multiple posts each day with this challenge (and soon I’ll have up a new video on my Youtube channel–on a side note, I totally formatted an old SD card and now have space to make videos which I’m happy about)

Any who, back on topic. I’d like to discuss triggers in this post. The world of triggers and in particular, the worldwide web of triggers.

What I find triggering is unique to me. What you find triggering is unique to you. Just as what we find offensive is unique to us and our experiences in life prior. Just because I get triggered by X doesn’t necessarily mean you will. Maybe Y triggers you instead. Regardless, we both will have to face the trigger (especially if it’s unexpected– and they usually are) and live with what happens afterwards. Hopefully we have built up enough of our adaptive coping strategies and have plans set in place to catch us when we get triggered–otherwise, a crisis is on the way.

While triggers are unique to individuals, we can largely generalize what concepts can be triggering for groups of people–such as explicit mention of rape, suicide, self-harm, eating disorders etc.

I’ve always found self-harm depictions of fresh cuts triggering even when I wasn’t someone who used self-harm as a maladaptive coping strategy.

If you would like more detail about what triggers are like, do check out my friend Summer, who discussed this in detail regarding her complex PTSD: T-R-I-G-G-E-R-E-D by SummerShines

(And share the love and hugs with her because she is truly a survivor radiating badassery with her golden flamingo-ness) πŸ™‚ ❀ Love you, poptart!

But back to the point again. I’m not sure what to do about these triggers. I’ve found that the OCD “quiz” was triggering–making fun of the condition when it doesn’t make any logical sense (through language, again, you cannot BE a disorder) and certainly didn’t provide any form of awareness to it. I’ve found that in providing awareness for the OCD misconception that it’s just a “quirk” or about “tidiness” and “cleanliness” ONLY to be triggering–not so much in that tweet itself but how I self-disclosed in it. For it. Necessarily, but I accidentally also triggered myself.

That sucked.

And then this housekeeping article. It was great to read some of the tweets supporting the mental health cause, but even the comments sucked in it (some of them). Again it was people dismissing other people’s offenses. Like, “I didn’t find this offensive, so why are you?” and invalidating others because of this.

I guess I feel a little burned out. I’m so ready to go on the attack that my shoulders are tense (literally, too) and I’m carrying the stress at the top of my back, right where I don’t want it. Granted, still avoiding schoolwork like a boss but that’s going to catch up to me, too. And being stressed before bed means I may pull at night for the trichotillomania, OR I will wake up in the middle of the night again and be awake for a couple of hours–like I was last night. I still lost a few eyelashes, but it could have been worse, too. I’ll take what I can get.

I suppose to answer my own question, I navigate through these triggers by upping my own self-care. By keeping distracted. By doing other tasks, listening to good music, coloring, watching videos, blogging. Because even in blogging it’s a bit of problem solving.

The biggest thing I’m noticing is that I find myself in this stuck position: I get triggered and I can’t do the thing my brain wants me to do (which is good because it means acting on self-harm/suicidal thoughts).

Instead I have to think of other alternatives to cope. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. That last blog post I did about suicidality, I meant what I said in it. Maybe it’s still too one sided but it’s given me more reason to NOT act on my own harming thoughts than since the first round of my recovery journey.

So I guess, the solution for me is to keep talking. Keep being around people, actually do some schoolwork, it’s almost the end of the god damn semester, and get some sleep. Distract. Color. Blog.

Refuse to stay silent.

Bring awareness to the thing that triggers me the most (OCD). It’s mainly triggering because the way I experience OCD now is not how others experience it. Sigh. Thank you, depression and borderline traits!

For now, it is time to feed my little Galaxy. πŸ™‚

I hope this was an interesting read. Let me know down below how you cope with triggers, online or off, and what you do to practice proper self-care after them πŸ™‚ ❀

 

Sending love and positive thoughts to you all. ❀ ❀ ❀

 

17. You Still Have US – SADIM Day #8 – #Blog4MH

Chosen Song:

Don’t Give Up by Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush

Video:

Chosen lyrics:

We were wanted all along

Don’t give up
‘Cause you have friends
Don’t give up
You’re not beaten yet
Don’t give up
I know you can make it good….

Don’t give up
You still have us
Don’t give up
We don’t need much of anything
Don’t give up
‘Cause somewhere there’s a place
Where we belong
Rest your head
You worry too much
It’s going to be alright
When times get rough
You can fall back on us
Don’t give up
Please don’t give up
Don’t give up
You’re not the only one
Don’t give up
No reason to be ashamed
Don’t give up
You still have us
Don’t give up now
We’re proud of who you are”
Relation:
So, I was going to go with a slew of Shawn Mendes, but I had this song stuck in my head instead, so I decided to go with this one. I still have yet to download it properly and put it on my iPod, but for now, I have enjoyed it while I’ve been in troubles while I had my laptop with me πŸ™‚
I highlighted all the parts that really stood out for me and I believe I found this song from one of those suicide prevention song lists that are around on the Internet πŸ™‚
Hopefully you enjoy it too! That’s all I’ve got!
Chosen emoticon:

☁️☁️☁️ = clouds!

16. Recovery A to Z Challenge. E is for Expectations – #Blog4MH

I am back with another post! I meant to do this post Saturday, but as it turned out, my parents and I stayed out later than expected. :3 We got to see some doggos though, although I didn’t feel any particular ‘click’ with them. They were definitely cute and adorable but the trip wore on me. Which is fitting for this post!

If you would like to read more of this challenge from me, feel free to search through or look through the #blog4MH category on my page πŸ™‚

Now, let’s get started!


E is for Expectations

Google defines expectation as:

a belief that someone will or should achieve something.

[Cue: I went to check twitter to see what was up and then I wound up getting disappointed and wrote my 14th post. So… yeah.]

Next day! And I am STILL not ready to tackle this post! GAH!

Which, maybe is more fitting than I am expecting….

Sometimes in our recovery journeys we have to lower or adjust our expectations. Sometimes we set our expectations too high and they are not achievable for us.

I know for myself that I tend to have a habit of reaching for the mountains when I can barely handle the climb itself. That is, I tend to set my expectations too high, or, maybe worse I set them to the standard of what I could normally have achieved without having any mental health conditions.

For me now, that reality is wavering. Now, it’s up to me and those around me to adjust my expectations to what I can actually achieve given the struggles and mayhem I go through.

I’m still far from good at it, though, and yet one day I think I’ll get better at it. For instance, before I used to be able to cram out a paper under an hour but if I don’t have it outlined nowadays, I’ll sit with anxiety and doubt that I can get it done longer than what it would take me to just write the piece out.

That’s why I find outlining and timing myself to be the best route to take–I will give myself a time limit say 15 minutes for one paragraph and my goal is to achieve that by said time. I often get it under it, even!

Additionally, I need to remind myself to be more forgiving (which you may just see in the next post!). I basically need to cut myself more slack! I make a lot of victories and accomplishments each day, and getting hung up on the ‘should’s’ of the days is damaging on one end and silly on another.

This also came into practice on Saturday. When I saw the little doggos at that event (after we finally arrived after much traffic and then confusion and snide remarks) it’s like all my homework I’ve been avoiding just came and smacked me in the face. All of the responsibilities and expectations became more real than ever before and I couldn’t run away from them. All of the doubt started to erode into my brain and I realized how inept I was at conversing with the adoption agency–preferring to just pet the doggos themselves.

In reality, it wasn’t so bad. But my perception was off. I didn’t want to continue being out after that, but I had to, I had already made plans for it and agreed upon it and we were already there anyways.

What I needed then was time. Time to let the thoughts run away from me and even time to discuss what had happened briefly to my parent that way I could let it go further than I was able to on my own.

My expectations were too high and then I had to adjust them. In the end, we agreed that Pepsi (a Chihuahua and dachshund mix) was too much like Bayya and we’d like a more medium sized doggo.

I want one that’s cuddly and my parents want one that can also be left alone for a while. It’s a balancing act that I’m not sure we’ll manage to find, but hey, there are a few more events happening in the future. πŸ™‚ We’ll find ourselves a doggo. And I’ll get myself through the summer.

It will all work out. I’ve just got to believe in that.

 

Thank you for reading!

See, even this worked out, too! πŸ™‚ ❀ ❀ ❀