I found another article that bordered on disappointing and annoying, this time though it was an author calling out the bullshit of a Good Housekeeping USA magazine using OCD as a quirk and cleaning joke: OCD is not an adjective
I am finding that in the nearly two weeks that I’ve been on Twitter, that it is a cesspool of triggers.
I’m not entirely sure how to feel about that… honestly.
I’ve used the hashtags (particularly the OCD one) in the title as my blog is linked (and has been over these last two weeks) with my blog’s twitter account so that the posts that I write can just go up automatically onto there. It’s a lot easier than doing them one by one, especially as I’m writing many multiple posts each day with this challenge (and soon I’ll have up a new video on my Youtube channel–on a side note, I totally formatted an old SD card and now have space to make videos which I’m happy about)
Any who, back on topic. I’d like to discuss triggers in this post. The world of triggers and in particular, the worldwide web of triggers.
What I find triggering is unique to me. What you find triggering is unique to you. Just as what we find offensive is unique to us and our experiences in life prior. Just because I get triggered by X doesn’t necessarily mean you will. Maybe Y triggers you instead. Regardless, we both will have to face the trigger (especially if it’s unexpected– and they usually are) and live with what happens afterwards. Hopefully we have built up enough of our adaptive coping strategies and have plans set in place to catch us when we get triggered–otherwise, a crisis is on the way.
While triggers are unique to individuals, we can largely generalize what concepts can be triggering for groups of people–such as explicit mention of rape, suicide, self-harm, eating disorders etc.
I’ve always found self-harm depictions of fresh cuts triggering even when I wasn’t someone who used self-harm as a maladaptive coping strategy.
If you would like more detail about what triggers are like, do check out my friend Summer, who discussed this in detail regarding her complex PTSD: T-R-I-G-G-E-R-E-D by SummerShines
(And share the love and hugs with her because she is truly a survivor radiating badassery with her golden flamingo-ness) 🙂 ❤ Love you, poptart!
But back to the point again. I’m not sure what to do about these triggers. I’ve found that the OCD “quiz” was triggering–making fun of the condition when it doesn’t make any logical sense (through language, again, you cannot BE a disorder) and certainly didn’t provide any form of awareness to it. I’ve found that in providing awareness for the OCD misconception that it’s just a “quirk” or about “tidiness” and “cleanliness” ONLY to be triggering–not so much in that tweet itself but how I self-disclosed in it. For it. Necessarily, but I accidentally also triggered myself.
And then this housekeeping article. It was great to read some of the tweets supporting the mental health cause, but even the comments sucked in it (some of them). Again it was people dismissing other people’s offenses. Like, “I didn’t find this offensive, so why are you?” and invalidating others because of this.
I guess I feel a little burned out. I’m so ready to go on the attack that my shoulders are tense (literally, too) and I’m carrying the stress at the top of my back, right where I don’t want it. Granted, still avoiding schoolwork like a boss but that’s going to catch up to me, too. And being stressed before bed means I may pull at night for the trichotillomania, OR I will wake up in the middle of the night again and be awake for a couple of hours–like I was last night. I still lost a few eyelashes, but it could have been worse, too. I’ll take what I can get.
I suppose to answer my own question, I navigate through these triggers by upping my own self-care. By keeping distracted. By doing other tasks, listening to good music, coloring, watching videos, blogging. Because even in blogging it’s a bit of problem solving.
The biggest thing I’m noticing is that I find myself in this stuck position: I get triggered and I can’t do the thing my brain wants me to do (which is good because it means acting on self-harm/suicidal thoughts).
Instead I have to think of other alternatives to cope. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. That last blog post I did about suicidality, I meant what I said in it. Maybe it’s still too one sided but it’s given me more reason to NOT act on my own harming thoughts than since the first round of my recovery journey.
So I guess, the solution for me is to keep talking. Keep being around people, actually do some schoolwork, it’s almost the end of the god damn semester, and get some sleep. Distract. Color. Blog.
Refuse to stay silent.
Bring awareness to the thing that triggers me the most (OCD). It’s mainly triggering because the way I experience OCD now is not how others experience it. Sigh. Thank you, depression and borderline traits!
For now, it is time to feed my little Galaxy. 🙂
I hope this was an interesting read. Let me know down below how you cope with triggers, online or off, and what you do to practice proper self-care after them 🙂 ❤
Sending love and positive thoughts to you all. ❤ ❤ ❤