End of August | #WWRRM

It’s the end of August. In the last couple of weeks WWRRM didn’t live up to my expectations. I still have some posts I want to do for it that will leak into September, and I guess I’m going to come to terms with that in my own way and be okay with it.

I daily blogged since July 5th though, that’s hella impressive to me. August had its bumps and valleys and I made it out alive. That’s what counts.

I’m tired now, it’s almost 10p and I’m listening to this creepypasta:

I’m probably gonna fall asleep to it and have to re-listen to it again tomorrow while I reorganize my room more. ;Cause I want to hear it but I also have to go to sleep early, too.

I could say more, but I’ll wait until later to do so.

Can’t wait to just blog about random shit again. It’s going to be REALLY WEIRD to not daily blog, but my plan is to blog 3-4x/week so that should still be good.

Goooooood night folks!! ❤ ❤ ❤


Pit pit putter | #WWRRM

Another late night blog post. I gotta get my shit together soon. I am welcoming the envelopment of sleep and Mocha is crying her head off wanting to see what my mom is eating downstairs. Oi.


Sorry for the shortness. Just have to get something up. I SWEAR I’ll have some WWRRM related posts soon.


Been on DA a lot today and basically going on comment rounds lol Got the number down to about 3,800 deviations though 😀 Want to schedule my day tomorrow so I can shower and do some photography and other artwork.


That’s about all for now.

Life On the Blog | #WWRRM

Life Update Thumb

Hey everyone!

Quick post here because I am TIRED and want to sleep very, very much so.

Any who, today was a pretty great day! Went to therapy, showed off some artwork, got some more preventative and other art ideas in tow, got praised and you know, good stuff.

DIDN’T BUY ANYTHING AT THE STORE, or stop by any stores so that’s good, too.

My head is itchy as shit ’cause I need to shower tomorrow.

Did some dishes.

Was ACTIVE on DA — made a thread for people to post their artwork so I can practice commenting again 🙂

And yep, that’s about it.

I have plans for the last few days of #WWRRM. And actually posting EARLY in the day. Quite a few goals in mind and some book reviews to work on and all that jazz. I can’t wait until I can drop down to 3-4x a week of blogging, seriously, I need the break!! 🙂

Any who that’s all for now, time for me to rest again. Thank you all!!

Working on my DeviantART Page | #WWRRM

Hello again! *waves*

I am just waiting for Kaiden to come over as I am writing this post. I just started my period again today so I don’t feel like moving or doing too much, so we’re probably just gonna hang out and color/draw outside in the backyard or more preferably in the dining room on the house’s first floor.

So, it’s nearly 10p now, about six hours since I started writing this post. Kaiden came over and we did color and chat and have dinner that my Mom made and it was very, very fun and cool and wonderful. I got to chat about fanfics and we got to color, the world is right side up again.

I also got to work on my DeviantART account today. That was very cool. I have not spent as much time there as I used to and I think I’ve been missing that subtly for a while now. It felt good to go through my inbox (I’m down to 77 messages now from an inbox that was 500+ before) and to save and delete what I wanted before closing up shop for the day, so to speak.

It’s interesting because I’ve transitioned so much to this blog here that a lot of DA people don’t know the same stuff that’s been happening here over there. So it’s been good so far to update and submit artwork and journal again.

I look forwards to incorporating some of this time and stuff into my semester, probably bi-weekly.

That is about all I wanted to say. Maybe more but I’m tired and ought to go to sleep. I hope I do not pull tonight, and if I do, that I reach for my coping treasures bag.

The end of August is neigh here, and I have plans for each of the last days of this hashtag.

Until tomorrow,

Much love,

— Raquel

Say the Word Suicide: The Allure | Article | #WWRRM

Articles THUMB

Trigger Warning: Explicit mention of suicide.


It was the end of August and I had a problem on my hands, in my heart, and troubling my soul. I had been going downhill for a few days and I couldn’t shake the mood swings from invading my mind. One lingering crisis after another and I was spent.


The lies in my skull became truths. The glorification of suicide heightened. I was becoming nothing and no one in a sea of nothingness. I stopped wanting help, my own or others, and I catalogued my thoughts and feelings via Twitter–for better or for worse.


It was time for me to say goodbye. It was time for me to bleed out and hopefully die. It was time to get the details of my plans in order–where would I put my stuff? Where would I do the act? Who would I warn–or who would I keep the secret from?


There are so many details involved. I fantasized over and over about the act, the response, the release.


I wanted freedom. I wanted the taste of it.


And just when the anguish and the pain of crisis reached its climax–I was stable. My mood had swung from crisis to stable just when I had made the preliminary decision to harm myself at the next available opportunity. Just when I had decided I had intent to act when school began again, it was gone.


To say I was irritated is less than true. I didn’t really feel anything.


Even when I tried to scratch myself–I wasn’t really in it. The built up pain had dispersed. I was something again in a world of something’s.


Caught off guard by the sudden change, I yearned and willed for the crisis to return.


There is something about the crises that I experience that brings me certainty. Certainty that dying by suicide is what I am meant to do. Certainty that I am not as significant as I once believed–as though in crisis that is when I see the most clearly.


But these are just the lies of the illnesses. And while this thought may enter my mind–it weighs little in the swarm of darkness. Somehow the shadows win. I stare off blankly into space–focused in on one or two objects–before my vision is engulfed in the fantasies of death and harm. I’m there physically but nowhere near there mentally. I don’t feel my heart beat, I don’t notice my breaths coming and going–I’ve just mentally checked out.


In a way, I think this may be a distorted manner of coping with not experiencing all of that crushing mental pain.


But there has to be another way out of it.


And that’s what I’m working on discovering. My biggest obstacle is when I begin to isolate, staying in my room where a lot of the fantasies occur, and when I stay within my head. I have to work on finding a way OUT; a way of re-embracing life on the outside and choosing instead to engage in all my adaptive coping strategies.


It’s been helpful for me to have re-framed cognition’s on my wall: thoughts that say I control my actions, I can take care of myself, I always have a choice, if I were fragile I wouldn’t have made it this far. It may prove lifesaving to continue keeping more of these notes around spaces where I will begin to occupy when doing unwell. I could create and artwork based on them, have a list on my phone and in my Coping Box.


Additionally, there is a new drawing I’ve begun that features all the helpful texts a friend of mine has sent me when I communicated that I was in crisis. I plan to have the texts in the background and a woman’s top half featured in it. I’m still debating on what pose she’ll be in and whether she’ll be in grey-scale or color.


Similar to this, I plan to ask a bunch of my friends to write me a letter or card–or something creative–that I can collect and reference when I’m doing ill well. This may allow me to shatter some of my brain’s lies and to remind myself that I do matter to people. I could even create a piece where I voice people I have yet to meet’s input.


Another thing that helped me was reminding myself that if I can come up with negative self-talk, I can also come up with positive self-talk–two can play at that game! This is what actually brought me out of my downfall.


Plus, writing this article. My articles for this semester have taken on a problem-solving nature, and I feel much better about that….

Article written August 27.2017

If you’ve come here from Twitter as a friend trying to help me in need, thank you. *hugs and bows* I will be writing a part II/separate piece further exploring that aid in another article. I want to write more about where I’m at NOW in recovery and how that transition came about. In it, I can also describe ways I can be helped better. Mainly, just listen to me actively and let my voice be heard. Easier said that done, especially if I’m not talking, but stick with me. Don’t give up on me. Even when I say I’m giving up on me, don’t give up. ❤ ❤ ❤

I can see clearly now. | #WWRRM

This post does not denote a WWRRM but I have to find something to say for today to keep up my record of daily blogging. So this is what I shall say:

I’m very confused, concerned, worried and not at all tired.

I go into this evening with a heavy sigh, because it’s going to be one very, very long night.

Resting up my battery so I can actually make phone calls for later. Hoping in the interim that I don’t do something I regret. I honestly can’t be sure of anything right now. I think I can see clearly now, but maybe that’s all just another lie.

Going to work on some more drawings. Maybe that can be enough to save me.


I’ll speak with ye all tomorrow…probably.

In Which I’m Running Out of Steam | #WWRRM

Another short post, because I keep breaking my past 8pm blog posts rule.

Basically, I’m starting to run out of steam. We’re closing in on August and the end of #WWRRM, but man, am I running out of inspiration and inclination to blog already. Kinda looking forward to the school year so I can go down to 3-4x/week of blogging.

I did my presentation today for NAMI. That went rather well. I procrastinated a shit ton the day before and inadvertently triggered myself (great, great) and had another nightmare last night and got triggered by that too so there was some HIGH KEY wanting to be dead today but it went away after the presentation.

I took a shower, too which helped for a while. Been laying low on Twitter.

Soooo tired. I gotta go to sleep. I’ll work on some more posts tomorrow. Even a book review.



Tired. | #WWRRM

Journaling THUMB

Hey guys, sorry this post is rushed and not very much. I’m just falling asleep again and have to get SOMETHING out there.

I had another nightmare last night and I’ve been procrastinating all day and kinda got too plowed into something. So I’m just drained and want to sleep now.

That’s all I got now before I start making no sense whatsoever.


Good night.

Was Lost in Limbo Long Enough for Two, But My Identity was Wasted on You | SADIA2 Day #18| #WWRRM

This is going to be a HEFTY song a day, so strap in your seat-belts ’cause there’s going to be lots of ART and in the making of and MUSIC.

Song a day THUMB

Chosen song:

The Line by The Dear Hunter


Chosen lyrics:

“Heartache buried down below
With your hands tied tight around it
Have a hard time letting go
Like it never even happened

It’s the end of the line For you and I
Don’t make believe we even tried
It’s the end of the line for you And I…

Now we dream
Of bigger things
Now we sing
To set us Free
Was lost in limbo long enough for two (Now we dream)
But my identity was wasted on you (Of bigger things)
Cast out the past like demons ritually removed (Now we sing)
Make way for the awakening, so long overdue (To set us free)”

If these lyrics look familiar–THEY SHOULD! REMEMBER THIS GUY:


If you don’t recall, or you’re new, this piece was made back in January 2017, inspired by the lyrics and depicting a scene of which a person is struggling with their mental health conditions and walks the line of recovery before they decide that their mental health conditions will no longer control their lives, and depart as the end of the line between the two of them. They reach recovery and management of their illness, and even as it’s still with them, the light of recovery overpowers the conditions.

That’s what I thought.


I freakin’ love The Dear Hunter. They’ve inspired legitimately two other artworks besides the one above with this one song. I actually heard this song once when I was doing the dishes and my Mom’s Amazon Alexa Echo thing was playing music by this band. I downloaded it before one of my hospitalizations and fell in love with it in a whole new way when I heard it there. ❤

I would like to shout out some honorable mentions by them:

  1. “The Color Spectrum” album (especially GREEN)
  3. Especially Act V: Hymns with the devil in confessional

And now, I’d like to end with my two other artworks that you guys have NEVER seen before.


I made a whoopsedaises with the pencil sketch as I couldn’t erase it after watercoloring the background so I just had to write over it. Never mind that, though!


Appreciate this piece from ALL of its angles ❤

Oh! And an eye close-up: (I knew I had one!)


The next piece: (my favorite alongside the first one)

IMG_00004208 --IMG_00004210 --IMG_00004211 --

Did a lot of this coloring in work in the hospital so I don’t have the process of too much of it, but I do have the beginnings of both!

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Shit got out of order but I think you’ll enjoy it anyways! 🙂


Chosen emoticon:

😇😇😇 = angels

Okay that was a BIG post, I’m tired now, sleepytime!

*hugs* ❤ ❤ ❤