Rescue Me? | Article | #WWRRM

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“You do not need someone else to save you, because you can save yourself.” – From my article on ‘Crisis Text Etiquette.’

 

In my article on Crisis Text Etiquette I explained that an individual does not need someone else to save them when in a crisis because they are capable and able to save themselves. I realized I could say more on the topic so I decided to further explore it in this article. What I did not realize, is how much of a problem I have with this, until I examined it and took a step back saying, “Whoa, there. Crap.” I believe I opened up Pandora’s Box, because my denial shriveled away and the issue for as big and large as it is is staring me in the face now.

 

I am not quite sure how I feel about that. This article, therefore, is very personal and I will refrain from using any actual names, as per usual.

 

My issue is not so much with being ‘The Rescuer’ (although I also harbor that problem in the sense of needing to be needed) but wanting other people to rescue me when I am in a crisis. I have been aware that I have produced this pattern with two previous individuals. All, of course, during the time where my mental health took a nose dive.

 

There is one current friend in my life that I still perpetuate this needing others to rescue me phenomenon (although I will engage in this type of interaction to a few people). Which is why I considered bringing it up to begin with.

 

When I get into a crisis, either beforehand, during or after, I want this one friend to rescue me. Only. Them. No one else. Problematic, is it not?

 

It is problematic because they are often busy and even if they were not, it is not a healthy attachment. I tend to joke that I have stinging jellyfish attachment issues. When I have expressed the darkest bits of myself to someone, it is almost like it gives me free range to express those bits again in the future. And then, mixed with my brain wanting to re-experience previous crises and how that person helped me before, then I want them to help me again now. Because, I do not believe I can keep myself safe, even with the knowledge and the past experiences I have had in keeping myself safe. Essentially, I do not trust myself in that way yet and at the same time, I can re-learn that only by moving through crises safely.

 

This means that, in order to move through my crises safely, I go into them with preventative measures, steps and safety plans to act accordingly by. This helps so that I am not at risk of acting impulsively on my thoughts and am more likely to act in line with my values and what my future self will be thankful for. These are measures that I come up with both on my own and with my therapist. My therapist is really good at pointing out when I could have gotten help sooner or done a different action by letting me fill in the blanks. She uses a lot of hand mannerisms too, so that helps me to remember what she says.

 

It is quoted that Robert Frost once said: “The only way out is through.”

 

Feeling distressing emotions is the way I have to go in order to tolerate those distressing emotions. At least, that is my take on my own treatment. Feelings are meant to be felt, I truly believe that, and we cannot pick and choose which ones we get to experience. To numb out from one, is to numb out from them all. Tolerating emotions does not mean enjoying them; it means we learn to co-exist with them. We move from Emotional Mind to Wise Mind (a practice observed through dialectical behavior therapy).

 

In the past there was a crisis I had that at six in the evening I realized I needed to contact a hotline for further help, except I made excuses, and kept putting it off. By ten I was in a crisis, reached out to my friend to reiterate to me what I knew I needed all along.

 

When I relayed the story to my therapist, she told me that I had set myself up for failure in that instance. Because, I knew what I needed at six in the evening and I could have called a hotline in my room, and told them I needed to be in a more private location or anything to that effect. I agreed with this as true, and did not realize until later how much this insight would help me…


Hey everyone! This is yet ANOTHER (:D) article for the fall semester. It’s all about how I often struggle with needing or thinking I need other people to rescue me when I’m in a crisis, because I don’t trust myself to do so or think that I can take care of myself (which I CAN!).

This is one post of two for today, as I am planning on finishing part II of I Survived and uploading that tomorrow, before my therapy appointment (THANK GOD!)
So yeah! Hope you enjoyed it!! I may be updating this in the future with a picture, just so you know. 🙂

Thanks for stopping by!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

Written 8.11, 8.12 & 8.15.17 (in order of submission, this is article #3)

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