Have you ever had that moment where your mind plays out several possible scenarios of an action that you could engage in but none of them wind up happening because you make that ONE decision that would have changed everything?
Yeah, I just had that moment.
I was piling away my stuff up from off my bed and onto my desk and floor haphazardly because I couldn’t be bothered nor did I care to put it away more coherently.
Maybe it was the yelling today, maybe it was something else, maybe it was nothing at all, but I went into crisis self-harm mode this evening and it really, really sucked. I made a tweet that even said I felt like a solar eclipse just occurred to me–I was great and then all of a sudden it went to shit.
It doesn’t help that it’s been forever since I last rounded up the defense troops (other friends) to help me in such situations because I found myself tweeting out that I couldn’t recall how I used to approach them when such situations occurred. Meaning: It’s been so long time wise and that was pre-tenth hospitalization that I can’t remember and am therefore fucked.
It was when I was standing in place looking at my things that I had the moment listed above. It just immediately dawned on me that I had five seconds before I acted out on a self-harming thought.
Instead, I tried uploading a Youtube video, texting two friends, playing scary stories and best yet, blasting music from my iPod’s Eminem playlist.
That playlist, I didn’t even get far in it, absolutely helped sooooo much. Eminem saved me. XD
But legit though, I’ve often found Eminem’s music to be a very good distraction from my intrusive thoughts. It definitely helped today and even more so that I could even make this post.
I almost didn’t want to write this post because I wasn’t coming out the other side alive (I know, a bit overly dramatic) but I’d really hate to break my 9 day blogging streak. Much like if I broke my filming streak too (day #3).
So, this was born instead.
Still going strong with the photography challenge–tomorrow will be 2 weeks!!!
I’m glad I did my photos early today–it snowed! 😀
But, that’s enough out of me for right now. Time for sleep, finally.
Hope you’re well.
❤ ❤ ❤