It may or may not have been a week or two since my last blog post, but I will say that quality over quantity ran out…ran through? WHAT IS THE ENGLISH?!
I am just pit-pit-petering out to do this blog post, so we won’t be here long, to be frank.
I just decided one day that….I can stop.
I can break my own rules. And I have a LOT of rules, apparently. I’m Sheldon Cooper’s gender-bent version in real life.
I make rules like:
- If I want to do some creative writing I can’t do it on paper with a pen because I “should” type it up instead
- If I do some creative writing on paper it takes me over a month before I ever get close to typing it up
- I push off my accomplishments for the day until the next day or longer so that I can savor that accomplishment not now but soon (I don’t mind this one too much)
- I can’t make a blog post unless I have all my thoughts sorted and in order
- And apparently if I have already pre-written my work in a notebook for said blog post, if the journal is on the floor I won’t look at it and decide TODAY IS THE DAY FOR THE BLOG POST
- I procrastinate a lot. MASTER PROCRASTINATOR
- If I don’t carry my things when I go to school, not only will my backpack be unbearably heavy (I pack for class and coping) but when I get home and my stuff is away I won’t pull it out to do my homework (but if I carry it it’s past the “out and about” rule and I have to just “lift it from the pile” rule) I hope that makes sense.
- I use my floor for piles more than my table-tops
- If something isn’t in front of my face or I don’t do it at the moment I think about it, I will forget it. (see #2 and why I haven’t texted my friends in a couple of months).
- I can’t sit on my desk chair because I have a couple of papers on it and I shouldn’t be moving the papers even though I did it just now and I forgot how comfy this chair was (and how nice it is to stretch my legs)
- I have to type up my presentation shit rather than write it down when I both have the ability to write it down and have the supplies to do so
- When people mention topics within other topics I have to answer all the questions because it annoys me when someone refuses to answer one of my questions within a topic of another topic (i.e. “I’m having a hard time with the soap tonight. It’s going to rain tomorrow.” Me: “That sucks, what’s wrong with the soap? And is it? What time?” Them: “Two.” Me: *FUUUUUUUUU)
- I have to wait until inspiration strikes me before I do something (like a new drawing, a coloring, a blog post)
- I want my output to be perfect so I’ll put shit off until it’s late or I’ve disappeared for a few weeks so that I can STILL make that original output that’s perfect even though perfection doesn’t exist and I could write a two line update if I wanted because something is better than nothing.
- I don’t know how I feel about showing all sides of me on the Internet, the good, the bad, the ugly. But I strive to vent and share and inspire, hopefully
- I forget how much writing helps me (creatively and bloggingly)
- If I don’t write a Youtube comment when I think of it mid-video I won’t go back to write it
- I hate having to double comment something on a Youtube video
- I wish I made more time for juggling and uploading all of my creative outlets to the Internet 😦
- I won’t start a new project until I’ve finished old ones.
- I don’t finish old projects.
- I want more views and more so, attention and interaction on my Youtube channel, but I also want to stay a small creator unnoticed and unbothered by other people’s nagging opinions of me and what I should be doing or shouldn’t be doing. Fuck.
- I should upload creative outlets on a different daily basis to keep myself up in good habits and getting out what I’d like to while also being organized
- I could do this (above) AND I CAN BREAK MY OWN RULES
- Why do I have these rules??
Sooooooo, yeah, that list says a LOT about me. I’m glad we adventured together to the end of this post where I don’t really have an answer to my questions, but a declaration of awareness instead.
I can make my rules and I can break my rules. It’s really just a reflection of patterns of behavior and I don’t have to be soooooo anally retentive about them. It may even be liberating to not be. 🙂
So, I made it through this post, and I’ll be uploading it accordingly. I need to clean my room OH AND ONE OTHER RULE:
26. I have to finish filming my room tour before I can clean/reorganize anything because reasons.
REASONS THAT DON’T MAKE ANY SENSE! FUUUUUUU
Also I did two things today:
- I edited a video (took me fucking two hours) here:
2. I made this Canva Merry Christmas thumb because I want to send photos of it from my phone around the holidays 🙂
I just read this all out to my Mom, who is laying on my bed like “Draw me like one of your French girls”
😀 That is all.
Oh and the thumb!
❤ ❤ ❤