Drawing: “Content Potato” & Article by Raquel Lyons
There is a point we can reach in our recovery journeys where the best thing for us to do is to start over. Cut the bread, clean the slate and begin again from Day One.
Except it is not Day One, it is just Day Whatever-Arbitrary-Number. We do not start from the very beginning again just because we are heading in a new, uncharted path. We start over so that we can take time to heal ourselves before we swing into action to attempt to heal anyone else. We start again because that’s what we’ve been training ourselves to do. We start again because it matters.
Our recoveries matter, our lives matter and above all, you, reader, matter so very, very much. It is “easy” to give into the thoughts of hopelessness and helplessness. But it will always be a sign of immense strength to realize you are not alone in your struggles and that you are not okay. It is okay to not be okay. Saying the words can be frightening, and I promise you that if you say them it will get better.
I know your brain is telling you laundromats filled with BS–and I know going along with your brain to your ultimate demise is very, very difficult for you to cope with alone.
Friend, I have been there. I know the lies my brain told me may be the very same ones you’re hearing now, and most importantly you need to remember that they are *not* true. As an external human being to someone who is currently struggling, these lies are *not* truth. You do matter–now and always. You are a force to be reckoned with. You are a strong warrior who can win and thrive in this battle.
It will be hard. You will sometimes want to give in and I believe that you will be that person who refuses to go down without a fight. I believe that I, too, am this person.
So when we both feel like giving up and giving in, we need only to look by our sides to realize we are not alone. We are in this together. We are capable of much more beyond our suffering. And I’ll ask you this, if I choose to start over, will you choose to start over with me? Because it would be great to have some company and it would be great to sip some tea together as we watch the enemy falter and fall before our propped feet.
Because sometimes being in recovery is like chewing on a well-cooked face together (if you’ve seen Llamas with Hats you will understand this reference). It’s not always difficult–there are valleys and plateaus and large mountains. And sometimes it is peaceful and quiet and it is up to us to sit back and enjoy the view. Because there is happiness in the hell, there is kindness in the sky and lights in the darkness. There is gray area between the black and the white. There is hope. There are better times. There is possibility.
So, I advise you, friend to tell someone today of your struggles. Maybe, if things have gotten that difficult and severe, you will be like myself in a psychiatric hospital writing these words with a dull pencil. Or maybe you will not need to get to that point.
Either way, it is okay. Suicide isn’t really worth it. The best way I stabilized out this time was to shove my face into new books for about three to four days. That way I got to avoid the circumstances and unanswerable questions the outside world provides. And in that time of distraction, healing has taken place.
I feel now renewed with hopes and dreams and accomplishments. If I could go from being severely depressed and suicidal to a content potato wearing a rainbow wig, then there is hope for you, too. The thought of living and fan fictions sounds exciting again. Seeing my Mokeys (my doggo) and being on the outside sounds so welcoming. I think I am ready. Are you?
This article was written February 18.2018 around 2pm and was typed on February 26.2018 around 6pm. I’ve started writing out the circa times that I do things to help me remember stuff about my arbitrary days so that I can record them into my planner (and have as a reference point in the future for whatever purpose).
I will have a future post about the drawing later in the week, if I can manage to do that for myself. I will probably write up a new, updating blog post after this one and publish my second new article tomorrow (probably gonna schedule it in). So, hooray. 🙂
See ya, peeps! ❤ ❤ ❤