Sometimes I feel like Giving Up, But I just Can’t–It Isn’t In My Blood | SADIM2 | #Blog4MH

Song a day THUMB

Hello, welcome, welcome. Today I am kicking off blogging for mental health awareness month, this May 2018, with another song a day mental health edition challenge. The last song a day I did was back in January this year and I haven’t had all that many blog posts for this year, and that’s something I want to work towards changing both for this month and for the remainder of 2018. I did the #Blog4MH challenge for part of last May in 2017, and I’d like to return to it this year as well (which is why you’ll see these posts be mixed in with last year’s if you use the category section at the end of my blog page). Any who, let’s begin. (I haven’t had the best of days and I’d like to distract myself a bit more from that). Without further ado….Oh, I nearly forgot, this thumb is for this year as well…

mental health awareness month THUMB 4.19.18


Song choice:

“In My Blood” by Shawn Mendes

Warnings:

Mentions of substance use.

Video:

 

Chosen lyrics:

Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in,

Sometimes I feel like giving up

But I just can’t

It isn’t in my blood

 

Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing

I’m overwhelmed and insecure…

Keep telling me that it gets better

Does it ever?

 

Someone help me

I’m crawling in my skin

Sometimes I feel like giving up

But I just can’t

It isn’t in my blood

 

I’m looking through my phone again, feeling anxious

Afraid to be alone again, I hate this

I’m trying to find a way to chill, can’t breathe, oh

Is there somebody who could

Help me

 

I need somebody now

I need somebody now

Someone to help me out

I need somebody now

Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in

Sometimes I feel like giving up

But I just can’t

It isn’t in my blood

I need somebody now

It isn’t in my blood

My Meaning:

When I first heard this song it was a little dark and I heard it on the radio. I didn’t totally appreciate it until I was back in the hole with depression and when I listened to it, it felt like everything that I had ever experienced in my life made into one song. The lyrics and theme that giving up “isn’t in my blood” just rings so true for me–for better or for worse. It doesn’t deny the feeling of wanting to give up, of wanting to give into the thoughts of suicide or self-harm or just depression’s deep and utter bullshit, AND it recognizes the strength that innately is within an individual to not give up despite life’s bullshit. It’s a cry out for help, (and we all know how I hate that phrase), and there’s just something I find deeply moving about the song. It’s a way of saying ‘Hey, I’m not okay, I need someone and you’re not alone in this feeling either’. It’s like putting words to a pain so immense that sometimes it’s easy to forget that it even lives there at all (especially when times are GOOD).

That’s about all I got, for this one. For this month of mental health awareness, you can expect more pieces like this one, my continuation of the ‘A-Z challenge’ mental health edition, lessons learned lectures (L3) and every other day Youtube videos about art and recovery and well, L3 stuff, so, yeah. I want to try and get back to my roots a bit with blogging since I’ve been neglecting this space for a time. For now, that’s all I’ve got, or at least all I want to mention here. (Depression is taking over from anxiety and some other unrelated bullshittery).

Stay safe.

Chosen emoticons:

 🤖 🤖 🤖 = a robot