In Which I’ve Celebrated My Birthday & Don’t Know What To Do This Evening

Journaling THUMB

I’m stressed out.

My laptop is on fire (not literally but it feels like that on my bare knees/thighs), my final semester starts tomorrow, I need to pack and get ready for that, I want and feel the “shoulding” expectation to edit a video and upload it within the next day and I’m not sure whether I should really do that or I should do something else entirely.

So, here I am, writing a blog post because I don’t know where else to put my thoughts–no, correction: I haven’t blogged properly all year let alone in the last month and you all deserve an update that I’m happily going to supply you with my doubts, worries, insecurities and the like.

So, you know, the usual. 😀

I’m currently listening to ‘Low’ by Greyson Chance and it’s everything, I swear.

My birthday fell upon this weekend so I’m officially 25 years old.

I guess I need to be more mindful.

We had a celebration of it yesterday, the second, with a couple of my Mom’s friends where I did interact socially a little (I’m an introvert by nature), ate as much as I could (been backed up in the colon and feeling physically ill because of it in the last week, you’re welcome), texted a friend earlier in the day, “January” which when I was texting them again later I thought for 30 minutes it was January when in reality–IT WAS JAMES! So that happened, which was funny.

Also funny was that my Mom held out the big frosted cake towards me on the black plastic belly and with a smile on her face it slowly slipped as the cake slid right, left, over-corrected, and then SPLAT! on the ground by the table, the table’s leg and the floor.

It was in one word:


We raved about it for an hour afterwards.

Also “Wonder Woman” looked pretty good and I’m inclined to want to completely watch it in the future (I caught pieces of the middle and end, she had some great lines though, I’d love to watch/review it).


Over the weekend, I backed up all my files onto my passport which allowed me to clear the space left on my camera. Although I formatted it, it still blinks red when I record for reasons I do not understand at all. But whatever.

I filmed Sunday a two file piece of some of the stuff I’ve bought this year via a haul-like video. I still have to edit that (let alone upload it to my computer).

With new space I can finally film a slime video and possibly a little local beach video. I could probably even do some of that today but to come back full circle, I’m a bit stressed out.

Today I filmed on my webcam a birthday outfits haul that’s 35 minutes long (with editing it may come down to 25).

But my newest, heavy-duty software called Pinnacle Studio 21 Ultimate exports files into a shittier state of being than my super beginner, novice-level Windows Movie Maker. When something that’s supposed to be expensive and expert-level sucks more than a beginner level software, you know you’ve got some problems.

And there’s too much technical jargon and unanswered questions that gets on my last nerve about this software but I probably won’t be able to do anything else or work with something better until next year. Which helps me about zero percent right now.

Which leads me to feel like I ‘should’ be editing right now or filming right now or making something to put up on my channel as I’ve gained a few more subscribers but I also don’t want to over-stress myself with everything else that’s going on this week and it’s just a fucking mess, honestly.

I don’t know, maybe I will try to tinker more with it later or maybe I will do some creative writing instead. I would like to do that. Or even film yet another webcam video of coloring in a coloring page (I got new markers too). I don’t know.

I genuinely can’t decide right now. I also feel guilty because I’m supposed to be reading books too. But I just… can’t.

I don’t know, maybe I should step away from the computer for a bit. Find my bearings and all that.

I think I might do that.

Or write, I think I’m in a writing vibe. I have 3 articles already written for the start of this semester, plus some new photos too. I also want to take up a photography for a week challenge for the rest of the year each month. But we’ll see about that.


Thanks for reading.

❤ ❤ ❤

I’ll let you guys know how things turned out later in the week.

PS I changed the background image/color because my phone wasn’t loading correctly with the previous picture but it’s temporary for now. I hope.