After My #RealOCD Video


I only JUST now remembered I was supposed to write up a blog post following my video upload. Lol

Here’s my submission for 2018’s #RealOCD campaign founded by the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF):

I included a photo of myself in the thumbnail from a summer shoot that I did this year 🙂

It’s actually a decently short video (for my standards) being 10 minutes long and just discussing what some of my experiences have been with OCD on self-harm and suicide obsessions that have expanded into secondary depression and now borderline tendencies. :3

I filmed four takes of the video, the first video being 2 minutes long and the third four minutes long, or something like that. I filmed two 10 minute length ones and wound up using my final piece as the chosen and lightly edited video.

I edited around 7p and fixed up the rest of the thumbnail until about 8:30p (more detail can be found on my Twitter account if you’re interested in a cohesive time rundown) and then uploaded it online by 9p.

I didn’t trigger myself which is awesome and I did film another video for an article read out that I’ve also added my own commentary towards so that’s neat, too.

I filmed with really nice lighting as well and strangely enough although my back light was on in the video and didn’t seem to contribute much, when I turned it off the video got a lot darker, so it actually was helping after all!

It’s 10:30EST now, so I have to go to sleep, but I’m pretty happy with how things turned out. More coursework tomorrow, some art and hopefully some reading and such and I’ll be back around next time.

Much love and light to you guys!

❤ ❤ ❤

Before My #RealOCD Video

Okay, so it’s been a long time since I’ve actually, fully and officially, blogged, so I thought this would be the perfect time to do so!

Today ends #OCDAwarenessWeek and I just found out yesterday that an old mental health channel that I watch on Youtube (Kat at Shalom Aleichem (who also incidentally has a WordPress blog that you can find on her channel too!)) made a video submission for it which inspired me to look further into it and decide to make my OWN video, too!

It’s going to be a 5 minute max (filming for 10 mins, 5 edited down) video and I’m going to film it soon after I write this post. 🙂 I figured having some more structure around what I want to say to continue to prepare for it and then how I’m feeling afterwards would help and give me some guidance before things get too out of control and I wind up ruminating in an unhealthy way.

So, I have my two little pages, the lights on in my room, ready to film soon, but I wanted to say a few extra things before I film as it won’t have my usual ramblings in it!

So first, I’m wearing my OCD awareness t-shirt as it’s ever so fitting for this video, my hair is wet since I just took a shower about 45 minutes ago, I am presentable and prepared to film, while also a little nervous, not gonna lie! I think I will film a couple other article videos right after mainly for 2017 articles (as I’m super behind in that and have been thinking of catching up for ages now!) And then maybe film a couple of art/Inktober submissions later tonight, too. 🙂

Because I’ve structured what I want to say already I think it should go okay, and then my plan is to edit it right after in Pinnacle and upload it tonight as well! I’m working on the thumbnail using Canva and have to figure out a little more if my submission will just show up under the hashtag or if I have to tinker with it more personally. Not sure.

I also have to fill out my planner more for today and then jump back into coursework with a confusing article I have the lucky chance in presenting on Tuesday, re-reading the article, writing my blog post about it and also working on doing some biology coursework.

So, yeah.

I think I’m more ready now… I also have to work on some ARTICLES this weekend, too. So many things, so many things indeed.

Well, I’m going to film in just another moment! Wish me luck and I will welcome you all again in the ‘After’ version of this blog post! Maybe I’ll have found a fitting title as well! Fingers crossed!!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Say the Word Suicide: Saying the Word | Article F18

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I originally began this article all the way back to a year ago. I had initially begun writing it while I was in the hospital for five weeks–five very long and tumultuous weeks. At the time, in 2017’s summer, I had begun to have doubts about whether to discontinue the series. I felt that maybe it was too up-front to have an article series focused around dispelling the stigma around suicide. I think at the time I was beginning to shift from being so forthcoming to treating the subject with more care and awareness of how it may impact others.


I had this doubt that is, until I read a book called “Without Tess” by Marcella Pixley. The book was centered on the loss of Lizzie’s older sister Tess, who was struggling with psychosis as a child and was not hospitalized and non-compliant with her medications, lost her life to suicide. The book never explicitly said the word suicide up to that point but it was heavily implied. The sister finds acceptance in her sister’s early demise and the novel ends on a hopeful note.


The reason I bring that up here is that the word suicide itself emanates a suffocating silence. It drops into the air and stays caught in a spider-web tightly held over everybody’s head. It brings widened eyes and discomfort; bitten tongues and swallowed words.


And that’s just the *word*: suicide.


The act of suicide is either widely, and incorrectly, broadcasted or refused to be uttered or printed. Think about it, how many times have you read or heard that someone died “accidentally” under suspicious circumstances rather than on purpose? How many times do you heard the media sensationalize a particular method of suicide? How many times do you overhear someone say “committed suicide”?


People do *not* commit suicide. Suicide is a public health issue, *not* a crime. People commit murder and rape, they do not “commit” suicide. People either die by suicide, lose their lives to suicide or kill themselves.


This change in language respects the deceased and the survivors of suicide, meaning the loved ones left behind. It also respects suicide attempt survivors and anyone who has ever thought or come close to acting on thoughts of suicide.


We are all just a bunch of people on an orbiting planet. A speck in the universe. We give our lives meaning because without it, we’d be lost.


And people who are going through suicidality are just people who are, so very often, lost.


I know for myself, when I am suicidal, I feel vastly alone. I feel like a lone piece of seaweed in the middle of the ocean. It doesn’t feel like anyone understands, like anyone even knows, and certainly not that they care. Feeling suicidal is like being trapped in a room. Except it’s pitch black and the only window where there are people supporting me are outside of it and it isn’t anywhere near visible. I am lost and it feels like there is no way out, as though the thoughts will consume me and the only way I can find peace and release is through acting on my thoughts.


There is so much emotional pain behind suicidality. So much pain that it makes it near impossible to describe. It is all encompassing for the moments where it exists. It is soul crushing, it makes me feel like I am stuck in an endless darkness and the only end in sight is the end to all life experiences.


And that is how suicidality gets people within its grasp to do what it says—to end their lives. It coats its thick, slimy arms around the person suffering and it breeds on their silence.


And honestly, silence kills.


The silence of suicidality, mental health conditions, self-harm and substance use disorders—they all kill.


In a recent 2018 article you read that statistic that globally every 40 seconds another person loses their lives to suicide and 800,000 people annually die by suicide.


These are too many lives we are losing. Too many people who had bright futures ahead of them, who had more pain than they could cope with, whom given another chance may have made a different choice.


There is, and likely never will be, *one* set reason why a person decides to end their life. To look for one cause only oversimplifies a complex, intricate and complicated issue such as suicide.


That is why I choose to share my story, as you will read in “Treatment 101: Advocacy.” Choosing to talk about suicide and mental health conditions brings these issues from the shadows to the light and reminds us that we are not alone, that we are brave to get help and that life can get better.


Stay safe.

Part of this article was written September 23.2017; I added and sculpted the rest October 2.2018. This piece also just appeared in the Mass Media. :3 Which means that yes I’m a little late in uploading it here. Two more will be added this week and I may or may not just take this week off from writing, as I had some troubles last Thursday that I’m still recovering from.

Take care, peeps. ❤ ❤ ❤