So, it’s another Thursday, and you know what that means, as of the last 3 weeks:
It’s Thumb Thursday!!!
Thumb Thursday is a post featuring graphic designs I’ve made on the lovely website ‘Canva’ in which I talk about whatever that thumb is about that day as well as spread (hopefully) positivity, compassion, love and storytelling to whomever comes across each post!
A noble mission by all accounts and purposes, of course. 😉
So, today we’re going to talk about mountains. About setbacks. Hurdles. Obstacles in the road to our recoveries.
No recovery journey, at least that I define it as, is ever completed and finished. There’s never a way to wipe out whatever history you once had: with yourself, with others, with the past. Instead, you learn how to better cope and manage your urges and struggles. I think especially in regards to mental health, there’s not necessarily one day where you wake up and you’re 100% cured. Even when it’s not as severe as it once was, it’s still kinda there, lingering, in the shadows, waiting. Whether that’s from the perspective of self-sabotage or just within the normal realms of the human experience, we ALL have a past and we ALL run the risk, living each day, that something or someone somewhere will trigger our memories of remembering harder times where maybe we weren’t as skillful or even if it’s something we once struggled with and we’re reminded, “Aaa, yes, that. I remember that.”
My point is, no matter how hard we try, it may not be feasible, let alone healthy, to separate ourselves into compartmentalized pieces because, in truth, we are complicated and multi-faceted human beings with lived experiences that will sometimes (or frequently) collide with the expectations and experiences of those surrounding us. If it’s easier for me to think of myself merely in the last 5 years, or the last year even, than to consider ALL of me for all the years I existed before then, that’s fine.
But it’s not factual.
It’s something I’m choosing to look at in a particular way. I haven’t actually been separated into the segments of time that I feel comfortable allowing myself to dwell on. In many others’ eyes I am the ENTIRETY of my experiences, rather than how I choose to present myself today. How I choose to focus on myself today.
I can separate myself and recognize that in reality, I am integrated, I am whole. And because I have had these struggles in the past, they do run the risk of re-appearing again in the future. I think I’ve forgotten that in many ways when I reached stability as my new baseline. And it’s not just something that I, someone living with mental health conditions, will struggle with, rather that others–those with and without conditions–may struggle with at some point as well.
Recovery isn’t linear. There is no ‘I recovered and that’s the end of the game’. There’s always more room for improvement, new issues that arise, co-morbidities, maintenance of past problems making sure they don’t develop into new ones, blah blah blah. You get my drift.
So, instead of looking towards the mountain and being frustrated that they continue to arise out of the sharp rocks after we just finished climbing the last one–we need to change our relationships towards them.
Because in truth, mountains are there kinda for us to kick their ass and overcome. Who doesn’t love the view from the mountaintop when you’re overlooking the area around you? It’s freeing and frightening and wonderful and fascinating.
Why would this be any different regarding our mental health accomplishments?
Because accomplishing tasks we weren’t able to do three days ago or three months ago or three years ago, should be celebrated just as much as having reached the top of a arduous mountain. It’s truly the same thing, when it comes down to it.
And life and, in itself recovery, will never be superbly paved with no construction zones or pot hole free roads or without struggle or without storms.
So, I think, it’s better to prepare ourselves for the fact that life won’t be easy. Recovery is not easy. It’s hard work, often a lot of the time. And that sucks AND it’s absolutely worth it at the very end of the day (and sometimes in the middle, too!). Recovery and finding stability is an amazing process.
I know that I like to think that I’m so much better off than where I once was–and for many areas that IS true–and I also know that life can be unpredictable and tomorrow I could wake up to the worst news ever and feel like my whole life is falling apart–because that’s a PART of my past.
Yet it doesn’t define me.
And just because I struggled with it once doesn’t have to mean I will always struggle with it in the SAME way that I did before. Life changes, people change and circumstances will be circumstances. Again, it’s how we choose to play the hand that matters most.
So, yes, I could be triggered. In fact, I probably WILL be triggered at some point, and I am sometimes more vulnerable at times than others.
And I’m going to face another mountain. I’m going to have to dig deep within my soul to use every skill from DBT that I’ve learned and really make use out of it, actively, in my life. And I’ll always choose to stand up again, even when all I want to do (or feel I want to do) is to lie down and give up and let life end.
Even then, I will still rise.
And I’ll keep rising. Moment after moment, I will choose to rise. Especially now, for where I am in recovery, since I KNOW there are better days ahead and healthier ways to cope, it makes it more manageable to keep going, keep searching: for the light, for the hope, for the faith, for the peace.
It’s worth it.
YOU are worth it all.
So dare to give yourself some credit today! Really sit down for a minute and figure out what you’d like to do for the next hour or the next minute and witness all your accomplishments, no matter how big or how small, because you did it, you got through another day and sometimes that is more than enough. ❤ ❤ ❤
Thank you so much for reading!
If you have any ideas for graphic designs regarding color choices, types of elements, words, meanings, etc. feel free to shoot me a message either here, on Twitter or on my public email address!
I’m hoping to write a life update later this week and just gush about some things I want to get off my chest that don’t necessarily fit into today’s post (like reviews/analyses, song a day’s, fanfic etc.)
Once again, thank you!!!
PS I especially love this thumb and can’t wait to continue to share all my others! 🙂
PPS I reorganized my room today, which it so desperately needed and I’m actually at my desk writing this post, having sprayed some lovely perfume, yay. Listening to ‘Hold On’ by Chord Overstreet. Hoping to work on some reading and fanfic before the end of the night. Needed a break on my back. As a small update without much detail, I let go of the job and am in the search for a new one. Any who, take care though!!! xxx Sending you all so much love and support! 😀