Thumb Thursday #5: Turning Inwards to Guide Yourself Home Again

THUMB (somebody loves u - Plumb) = TT5 - 7.14; 7.16.19

So I originally was supposed to have this blog post for my casual Thumb Thursday’s out back on July 30th 2019.

Well, as you can see.

That never happened.

But it shall today!! Or tonight, to be honest.

It’s about 9:30p EST on the first Thursday of September and I …. am tired. But I also want to get this done today and hold myself accountable as well as write a life update again and speak into the void and talk about how I’ve almost written a few other blog posts (music/song a day’s) and what my plans are coming up (26 RAK’s and suicide prevention topics/Youtube videos for this year) AS WELL AS on topic for the thumb of choice here.

So, let’s begin!!

  1. See “Upcoming Plans” for my update on the RAK’s video
  2. Got my flu shot today yay!
  3. Stopped in for my psychiatry appointment
  4. Got some One protein bars at CVS (I’ll probably only have 1 or 2 a week because my colon hates me for it after) XD
  5. Celebrated my birthday and got really nice and cool new things!
  6. Ordered new Avengers/Iron Man/Loki merch from Amazon!!
  7. Been back into watching/reviewing some films (one, largely)
  8. Back into writing fanfic again (as of today)
  9. Putting up with all the “work” I set up for myself and how exhausting that can be and complicated ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
  10. Trying to get closer to reading books but it’s a bit hit or miss
  11. Getting lost in Youtube again, damn you, addictions!!
  12. Reading some AMAZING fanfics out there. ๐Ÿ™‚
  13. Procrastinating (as of this week) on everything (dishes, jobs, book analysis, blogging)
  14. Going for experience at a job interview on Sat. Hopefully it’s not too difficult to get to!


This actually goes hand in hand with a life update portion from above (that I didn’t mention there) and something I tweeted last Friday. The final cut video for the Passages recovery interview I’ve spoken about on Youtube and Twitter earlier this year (it was filmed in Feb 2019) has been officially brought together and I saw most of it last Friday. It was very, very interesting, a little triggering but really, really well done. I can’t WAIT until it goes up online for realsies. And I’ll definitely let you all know when it does.

I feel like I’ve been waiting for my “big break” for a while now. I still feel that way as I’ve, in the last couple of years, shied away from and isolated myself from this blogosphere community. Because of that, my numbers and more importantly my interactions have decreased tremendously, making me feel as though I’m merely speaking into a void, which, hell, maybe I am.

I know that’s the case on Youtube x1000 but it’s weird to have it like that on my blog too. I don’t know, I could ask you, Reader, how to increase my interactions (and I largely believe that’s up to me to write and read others’ blogs) but you may not be reading this to begin with so it feels a little lackluster to ask the emptiness.

But I will still try.

Maybe I can up my game soon. We shall see.

  1. I have a lot of art related time lapse videos to come onto my Youtube channel (one in particular: Phyllis IOS)
  2. The creation and finalization of my “26 Random Acts of Kindness” which are more like 17 RAK’s but hey, I faced some obstacles that I wasn’t anticipating but hopefully be resolved by next week.
  3. A shortened version of my ‘Life beyond Suicidal Thoughts’ video (hopefully from 1 hour originally to about 25 mins.)
  4. An art related/music filled video for World Suicide Prevention Day (Sept 10th)
  5. A tribute video to a few past Youtubers who passed on before their time. โค
  6. Creating Twitter and website banners for the account mental_live (World Mental Health Day Live) on Twitter
  7. Typing & publishing my remainder of old articles from Uni
  8. Tying & publishing book reviews/book analyses and film reviews/film analyses
  9. Rebuilding my audience online
  10. Creating more song a day posts
  11. Applying to outside the Internet jobs and gaining more interviewing experiences


It is now almost 10p which means soon I’ll be turning into a pumpkin and falling asleep, hoorah.

But before then, I’d like to speak on the subject of this day’s thumb.

“While you may get lost every now and then, always look within to guide you home! You’ll get there!”

I picked this particular layout of a thumb (which I make all of them on my Canva account, a most lovely and wonderful graphic design website) because the original coloration and shape of the doe reminded me of ‘Expecto Patronum’ (which you can see etched into the top of the bigger text box) from Harry Potter and I thought it was a good homage to toss back to that epic series of books and films. ๐Ÿ™‚

I was listening to Plumb’s “Somebody Loves You” which was requested to me by my friend Vanessa, when I made this thumb and this was the phrase/concept that stuck out the most in my brain.

I think we can all relate to feeling lost and unworthy of belonging in some amount or degree at some point in our lives.

And it’s especially easy to get lost when we don’t know who we are. (Like when mental health crises occur!) Like, deep down, who am I? What makes me ME? And I think when we struggle with that form of identity and being we may reach out to others for validation and support rather than looking inward and knowing that somehow, somewhere, at some point, we’ll get to where we want to be.

It’s like that saying goes, you can’t truly love someone else if you don’t love yourself. Now, there’s definitely things WRONG with that saying, don’t get me wrong, and I think there’s a kernel of truth within it. How can be expect ourselves to water the plants when our own tanks are burnt out and rusted?

It has to come from within and it has to be nurtured within our souls because we don’t need to rely on others to know who we are, to know what makes us ourselves and to depend on them in a way that could easily turn unhealthy.

Of course, it’s easier said that done. I still believe it’s possible, however.

If we pay attention to our guts, to our hearts, and then to our brains, we can find the answer. And it’s okay to ask for help, of course! We can ask for the opinions of others while being reminded that at the end of the day, we are the only ones who truly, truly and deeply know ourselves. We know our insecurities and flaws and our triumphs and understandings. People can offer their opinions but if we don’t agree with them, and we won’t always, we can take them with a grain of thought. Think: “No one can hurt you without your permission.” (Metaphorically, that is).

But, that’s all I have for today.

I hope that something from this was interesting. Imagine if it wasn’t, ha, that would suck! And again, this is just an outsider’s perspective on your experiences. Not everything I say will resonate or hit the right chord with you, it’s just what I think in this moment of time and who knows, maybe 6 months from now it’ll evolve and be different. ๐Ÿ™‚ Such is the beauty of life.

If nothing else, believe in the ultimate process. Because it will be there for you to shine and understand and live within it.

Thank you so much for reading!!

Hopefully I’m here tomorrow for a ‘Film Friday‘ ๐Ÿ˜‰

The most wonderful of songs to listen to, which I may feature one day on its own.