LIFE UPDATE & Thumb Thursday #6: Your Destination Is Awaiting You

Life Update Thumb

Okay, we’re going to play a game of pretend for a moment:

  1. Let’s pretend this post is consecutive to the last Thumb Thursday #5 and not that it was at all 3-4 weeks ago. No, it wasn’t. It’s here now, at least, and that’s what counts.
  2. I am totally suffering through a cold that I apparently contracted unfortunately recently, probably from those few times I didn’t wash my hands when I used the bathroom at program (I used hand sanitizer though, so I wasn’t a complete rogue monkey)
  3. I have … officially and unofficially a job now–like a per diem thingy that I do at least 2 shifts per month, so, that’s nice. I haven’t actually been on the job yet but I am busier now because of all the trainings and such. But we’ll talk about that later.

—It’s officially LATER!

Here’s what I’ve been up to in the time that I haven’t been blogging consistently for any of my days (and being two weeks late with a Film Friday AKA a Youtube video upload Fri that I started back in Sept, it’s Oct now, eeeooof, where is the time going??) but yeah, let’s see…. :

  • Youtubing. Been heavy on that lately.
  • Accepting and coming to terms with/grappling with the fact that I have an INTERNET addiction (yes, this is a post I plan to make in the future and no, the irony isn’t lost on me XD)
  • Going to program
  • Getting involved with JOB stuff
  • Waiting to hear back on JOB stuff
  • Getting an offer of hiring**
  • Minimal amounts of reading — wants, YES, but little actual output
  • Still actively avoiding several other things, that are strangely all blog post related
  • Being on Twitter as my instantaneous journal
  • Filling out MOST of my planner stuffs
  • Editing videos
  • Not doing much, if at all, any creative writing (including blogging, obviously)
  • PAINTING (cool photos and a haul I can show you both in VIDEO form and written, maybe not tonight though (I have about 20 mins left. Apparently part of my job is now being fast and quick with the time I DO have XD Which is honestly something I needed more of) But essentially painting a cool wooden box that’s Halloween themed
  • A couple haul things (Michael’s, washi tape, journals, clothing)
  • NAMI stuff (IOOV)
  • NAMI stuff for P2P (Nov.)
  • Visiting the library and taking out large amounts of books (5) that I keep for 2 months and never read. See Internet Addiction as the reason for that
  • Hanging out with Madeline a few times. 🙂

Annnnnd, I think that’s about it.

**Now, job stuff.

So, I can’t really tell you much about that.

Because largely HIPAA and confidentiality and privacy and such. But also for my own safety and other people’s safety and that kind of thing. Not that I was probably ever super descriptive of any previous jobs I’ve had in the past either though. For now, I don’t have a pseudonym for my job but I’m sure I’ll think of one. I can say that it’s essentially working with troubled youth at a residential (not a locked unit). And I can say how I relate to the work itself.

So, today I had to wake up at 6:45am which if you know how I’ve been missing GPS at program every MWF because it’s at 9:15a and I don’t show up until 10a, IS A BIG FEAT FOR MYSELF TO HAVE GOTTEN UP SO EARLY.

The training was from 8a-3p, although today we got out a little early (about an hour). There’s approximately 10 trainings I have to do for the job. Three have online components and because we got out early from safety training (which reminds me so very much of the previous job stint I had working with mental health in the prison system (0 to 100 REAL FAST; we’re talking Past Raquel not making good decisions in 2017)) today I decided to clock in with the HIPAA training on the computer today (because it can only be done on campus).

Tomorrow is the second day of it and from the same time frame and all the physical stuff involved (very similar :P)

Overall though, I really like it. I HOPE that in PRACTICE I will also fall in love with it. The biggest thing is going to be, well, a few things for me.

First, I don’t know the area very well and there is a slight/small driving aspect to the job. I have to communicate this uncomfortable-ness to my supervisor but we’ll go over that briefly here (I’m just not familiar with the area and we all know how my last job went that was heavy on the driving aspect).

Second, I’m gonna have to get a tough skin. People are going to be swearing and yelling and I have to learn de-escalation stuff and sometimes how to get out of holds and safety concerns, etc. And runaways. Lots of runaways.

This second thing, although I didn’t write so much about it above, is the big thing I’m worried about. I’ve never really had someone be angry at me face to face and have to ask them questions about it and such. Or de-escalate, etc.

That’s gonna be the big test, I think. And unfortunately things will get worse before they get better. And on paper and through communication I really think it’s a great job with a lot of benefits (not in paper because I’m only per diem and that’s only about 2 shifts per month so yeah) that has it’s great times and would be really rewarding–it just also has that really ugly side. That side where kids will test you and yeah. I guess it’s probably my lack of experience coming out. Speaking of….

Third, I have to teach life skills when I barely know life skills myself. Like dishwasher, washing machines, cooking, etc.

Fourth, boundaries, of course!

A lot of what I’m learning at program will probably be utilized in this job, I think. I have more trainings as I mentioned earlier later this month and 3 of which involves shadowing another staff member so that will get me to see what it’s like. I really hope I like it because I’m getting emotionally invested in it already, you know? I’m thinking I’ll start off with 2 shifts a month, then by Dec do up to 4, once per week so I can work on building the rapport and things like that. I’m also thinking ahead that I could alternate in a Tu, Th, Sat, Tu type schedule as well.

But, that’s if I like it.

Of course, I know that it’s okay to not be the right fit for this job but I already have the self-expectation that I have to stick with it. But, I won’t know until I shadow and that happens next Thursday!

Until then, tomorrow is more training (all the physical stuff) and SATURDAY is a festival I’m going with with Madeline and David, hoorah! So I’m really excited about that. 🙂

Lastly on the job front: I will still be doing IOOV’s on my off days and I will be teaching a Peer to Peer course probably in Nov on Mon’s. I’ll have more info and FLYERS about that as information is given to me. 🙂 I’ll essentially be juggling 3 jobs, kinda.

Also, I recently arrived at a health insurance problem that I have to figure out and take care of. Here’s hoping that goes smoothly!!! 😛

Also, also I am NOT looking forward to winter. BRRRRR!

Lastly, and this is what I’ll finish this post on, let’s get into:

Thumb Thursday #6: Your Destination is Awaiting You

Life Works Itself Out - No One Ways - THUMB - TT6 - 7.16.19

So this is relevant to two things:

  1. The whole job thing for me at the moment (which is partially what inspired this concept/wording here)
  2. Actual driving concepts
  3. I mentioned it in program during women’s group when someone was using a car metaphor. I actually printed it out and they might eventually do something with it, not sure on that though. But yeah.

But the idea is that there’s no true one way about life. Everything that we experience in life can be learning experiences, at its most simple and benign forms. There’s not really much of a right vs wrong way, we feel how we feel, and as long as our actions are in line with our values and those of society (I’m thinking serial killers here, I was always the type of kid to frown upon generalizations (“Follow your dreams” they say, but what if your dream is to become a serial killer? Then, “follow your dreams as long as they’re in accordance to someone else’s rules?”)) than that’s that, you know?

Life is like taking the wrong turn sometimes at an intersection. That’s okay. That’s where you take the wrong turn. You don’t take the wrong turn down the interstate, that would be extremely problematic. Don’t do that.

But we’re all going to make mistakes sometimes, and that’s how we learn. We get more cautious from experience. We learn what not to do or what to do more of. We learn. And learning is a process and it’s not something you’ll get all at once.

Which reflects back to how jobs are for me at the moment. I can’t plan or predict EVERY single unique outcome or interaction. I’ll definitely try to but it’s just not feasible. Some things, pretty much everything else in life doesn’t exactly come with a script or really great actors. It’s not just written word but experiencing one another face to face and in real time. Which I think is something I struggle with especially.

It’s easy, or easier, for me to communicate in text based whereas in person things can get more awry. And that’s probably my lack of human interaction experience and maybe a few of my diagnoses that contribute to such issues, but just as I’m uncovering more through using body language while watching movies, I’m training myself to pick up more of the time the body language of OTHERS, which is huge.

But ultimately, yeah. Life will work itself out. No one has it all figured out, they just are a little more confident and have walked the same path for years that one day you’ll find your way through too. Some people, especially on social media, highlight their best moments but cower in their struggles.

I think it’s time more of us embrace our struggles and through triumph, overcome them and use them to our advantage.

Who said emotions make us weak? Or emotional expression is manipulation?

I dare you to challenge these words, these concepts, because they don’t have to be your reality. That’s a really great Les Brown quote:

“Don’t let someone’s opinion of you become your reality”

You’re not going to be liked by every single person on the planet. It’s not necessarily a reflection on you but on wherever they are at in their life. You’re gonna preach to the choir of fifty people and only about 2 will be in a place in their life to be able to appropriately receive your message and have the courage to stand up and be different. The rest are going to either criticize or be apathetic or indifferent or just get perpetually offended and unable to hear anyone else’s side of things of any given situation.

Again, that’s on them.

Not you.

Communication skills are a two way street. People aren’t mind readers, if you have feelings of being uncomfortable or comfortable, you need to tell that to people directly, because relying on someone else to take responsibility for you is probably crossing territories with co-dependency and definitely enabling in a way that is ultimately harmful for you both short term and long term. Unless you tell someone there’s a problem, they’re not going to know it. Maybe picking up on some body language could help but without knowing what’s going on in your head, they won’t know. You can’t fix a problem if you’re not aware of there being a problem in the first place.

So yeah. That’s my spiel.

I’m a little hungry now, I’ve gone through a few different songs on my iPod and I’m going to go eat dinner, prepare before Grey’s and then go to sleep soon after (maybe read a little or try and work on that analysis I’ve been actively avoiding for 3 months XD)

I hope that you enjoyed this post and got some further insights into all my thoughts and processing stuff that was seriously overdue. Not gonna lie.

But, I’ll see you hopefully on Mon with a new post and hopefully, MAYBE tomorrow with a video. We’ll see. Depends how exhausted I am XD

Welp! Thank you so much for reading!! I really appreciate it!

Leave me some of your thoughts below and I’ll happily respond.

Stay safe.

xxx ❤ ❤ ❤

PS And spread some kindness out into the world today!! ❤ 🙂