I was kinda thinking of doing a different post before I went to eat dinner but now I don’t feel like writing that one, either. So, I’ll just talk about life and what’s been going on with me and then set off to be offline for about an hour before I go to sleep because I would love to spend some time reading a little, even if it’s just for a few minutes! 😊
So, what’s been going on?
I’ve been uploading some videos to my channel! I really do want to comment and network more on Youtube but I keep just lurking or getting intimidated or disinterested in certain videos. If you happen to be a blogger on Youtube into video-making, hit me up and we can support one another there and through here! I’d love to have a few projects or items on my list where I have to or expect to interact with as this will provide me a great deal of accountability and I’ll come out of the shadows for once in my life yet again ahaha. Right now it’s just easier to lurk but I know that getting and putting myself out there is what really counts. It’s just hard.
I’m really stuck and stagnant in my recovery in general right now too. I keep hitting the same brick wall and doing the same behaviors that aren’t helping me (avoidance) but I’m not sure if I’m ready to change or if I have it in me right now to change or whether or not that will be such a good thing. I mean, I guess, I’m not sure if I’m ready yet and maybe that’s okay that I can be aware of it and have my hesitancy of going forwards or just remaining still for a little while. I’m not sure. It’s all so complicated and I’m tired. I’m tired of always having to work on myself, I’d like a break for a while. Maybe that can be okay too. That the pause isn’t forever, it’s just temporary. Hmm…
I helped my Mom revitalize a bookshelf down downstairs today. So I got rid of the 5 or 6 piles of books that I own from their place on my bedroom floor into two of the shelves instead. I will have to reorganize it a little for what’s left but that’s been pretty good.
I really just want to read a book right now, it seems. But I am also quite tired in general so maybe I will try to sleep before 11p.
I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow that I’m actually looking forward to. I’ve spoken about it in therapy today and my psychiatry appointment on Mon so it’ll be nice to hopefully get some answers and a guide forwards for uncovering medical issues and running tests and such.
Additionally, I took a shower today and had a great massage! I just started my period yesterday though and some of its mess got through my underwear and onto the blanket today while I was there and I was aghast for sure! It’s never happened like that before but luckily my massage therapist is a female anyways and she was super understanding. 😀
My dating friend had to go back to the hospital today. There’s really not much I can do about that or even feel about it, I just hope that they’ll get the help that they need. And that I will have to hold onto hope and faith that they’ll be okay and when they get out is when they get out. I want what’s best for them of course and I hope they go into a better hospitalization than this past one. I hope that they can find healing and peace very soon, and I know we’re in different spots of our recoveries as well, so this is somewhat comforting. It sucks but the truth is that love is sometimes not enough for those on the warpath of self-destruction. It’s a familiar fight, sure, and I know my dating friend will get better. We’re just at different spots. (And I still admire and look to the fact that they’re interested in dating as a remarkable sign of strength. It’s something I wouldn’t have been able to do way back when). Mmm.
I have a presentation tomorrow afternoon that I honestly keep forgetting about. That will be interesting. I should probably send out an email about that real quick, actually….
My knee is very sore and achy from having it in a stiffened position most of today. Ooof.
As for the next video I’m editing, it’s going to be my introduction to a ‘Healthier Living: The Path of Weight Gain and Pro-Recovery’ or something along those lines. That will be nice and I really look forward to editing it and then uploading it, probably next week. I have to pick it back up again too for the whole filming process, but that will be nice. I look forward to that tomorrow. 💚
Lastly, actually, I think that’s all that I’ll share for now. I really do want to crack open a book, maybe watch a video or two more and then get myself to sleep because my doctor’s appointment is early tomorrow morning (like 10a ahaha). Feel free to mention in the comments how you are doing and what new artsy creations you’ve managed over the past week. And let’s try and support one another in those endeavors and lift each other up. 😁😚 Thank you so much for reading.
I’ll see you tomorrow.
PS There is of course more I could say regarding my physical health but I don’t feel the need to go into it right now. Also, I’ve decided today that I’ll be doing 2x/week videos in June about my experiences and info regarding scoliosis and then ending the month with my body positivity video, so I’m really excited about that going forwards!