A Small Collection of My Thoughts on “Thor: Love and Thunder” (2022) [[SPOILERS]]

July 24, 2022 / RecoverytoWellness / Leave a comment

Hi, hi!!!

Raquel here.

So, I don’t want to do an ENTIRE MCU Review post, buuuuuut I do want to add my collection of thoughts in a short (?) list based on what I felt in the theaters from this movie (spoilers, duh), what I thought during it (from what I can remember, at least the most significant parts) and the post-movie watching experience as well as what I’ve taken away from it (and a healing that I feel in my soul 💚💙💛). So, here we go!

PS: Future posts will include, a Thor (2011) film review; a fiction novel BES review; more breakup related posts; some older posts, maybe original works and things linking back to some of my other posts online etc.

My Experiences With “Thor: Love and Thunder” (2022)

So I didn’t realize, and I don’t know if this is a new consistency as I’m like hundreds of movies and shows late on the current MCU Phases, but if this movie is anything to go by, I’m pretty certain I’ll be crying in most other future movies so I may as well just be prepared and bring a box of tissues with me each time. There was SO MUCH emotion in this film. More than I realized. I didn’t expect Jane to have cancer or for me to feel as much for her as I did (I was never really super into Thor/Jane as a romantic relationship, personally; though when I rewatched Thor (2011), it was nice and it was cute and it was obviously important in the lead-up and exploration and explanation of THIS current movie). I definitely didn’t really expect her to die, either. So that was very sad. Cue the sadness and the many tears and snot.
As I’m going through my first real romantic breakup right now, I cannot express HOW MUCH I needed to hear and see and feel the effects that LOVE is, and can be, enough and SO WORTHY of exploring, expanding on, feeling and experiencing. It feels like with my latest saga in the romance business that shattered my world and crumbled everything around me, at least that’s what it felt like in the moment, I felt more sworn off from love and loving and growing a life with someone else. But, from this film, maybe it’s not worth keeping someone away at arm’s length. Maybe love, when it’s the right love, when it’s the healthy love, when it’s a growing love, it can provide so much more than just pain. But, truly: love. It can provide meaning. It can provide safety. It can provide a home. And I want that. I do. I don’t know how or with who I’ll get it, but I want it and I’m getting ready for that plunge. Not tomorrow, not even necessarily today, but I do want that. Someone beside me to watch more MCU movies with (even some DC ones coming out in the next year look super interesting to me!!) and grow memories with and build a life with is something very, very appealing and resounding and helpful. Once again, Marvel has provided me a peace and an understanding and an inspiration and a motivation. I’ve been missing that a lot. More than I think I ever realized. I’m so honored and glad to have seen this movie. Truly. Impactful doesn’t even come close to describing it all.
There were definitely some parts of the movie, particularly with the comedic route, that I thought felt forced. A grim smile. But I also laughed a few times, too! Particularly the eating the children bit, haha. And a few other instances, too. Though they’ve become spider webs in my mind. I can’t entirely access them, but I know they were there.
The cinematic storytelling, with all the artistic visuals and such, was beyond amazing and mesmerizing. The dolphins in the sky, beautiful. The touch of darkness and monochrome when they all landed on the edge of darkness place? Incredible. It honestly makes me feel so inspired creatively and I really, really want to learn more on how to video edit and craft something as beautiful and magical as this film extends from. I loved, especially, the tree like branching of power when Thor temporarily gave the Asgardian children some of his power to fight with him. Beautiful. But yeah, overall, learning more of how to tell a story through video making and film making is something I really want to research, learn and teach myself. Even if it’s “just” for Youtube!
For the end credits, I honestly dread the whole Hercules bit. Like, I get it, but also, could we not? I hate a set up of exploring something like that in the future, when clearly Zeus was in the wrong to not help Thor and the gang out to saving all the future god’s lives. It just feels like these wars and hunts and battles are never ending. Which, I mean, I GUESS it reflects life pretty well, but could we not for like a little while? Something mundane and simple and easy would be great, for even just a little while. Just some momentary reprieve.
I’m also not totally in love with the daughter of the god butcher (did she have a name that was presented? I already forget, plus I don’t even remember the god butcher’s name) now being a family figure in Thor’s life (I mean, I guess it makes sense, progression and family life and all that jazz) and her representing Love (though, I appreciate that the Love in this instance and the title for this movie didn’t represent Jane but rather the girl, that’s a nice touch) but I’ll have to wait and see more, I guess. It makes sense, I get it, it did just continue to feel a bit forced and… tough to further explore and represent. But maybe it’ll be good. I’ll have to wait and see.
I loved Thor’s back tattoo of RIP Loki hahhaha (I’d be lying if I wasn’t wishing for even the slightest little cameo, though all of Loki’s deaths were hard to see again 😭 But also a little comedic with how many times he died, not gonna lie heeee)
I do think, to touch on the topic once more, that Jane’s story arc in this film was really special. Her being afflicted with a life ending illness, such a human trait, to be real, and still choosing even when presented with the choice to not fight in the last battle, still choosing to do so and have her life taken, it was breathtaking and sooooo, so emotional. It was harder to not feel for that decision than anything else. I think it’s still pretty tragic she went out that way, but her words to Thor in his lap (which now that I think of it, has happened more than once with other figures, Loki I’m looking at you) were so wondrous. To continue to love again, to “open your heart to love”. Damn. Amazing.
Another thing I really got out of this movie was that whole “you’re not promised tomorrow, so make the most out of today.” That really, really struck me. I’m phenomenally well known for the fact that I waste my time exponentially so. I’m constantly distracting myself and wasting my time, hours of it, on Youtube, ingesting other people’s content and living vicariously THROUGH THEM. Or, if I’m not doing that, as of late, I’ve been working. And then when I’m not also doing that, then I’m oversleeping. It’s all I’ve been doing lately, getting NOTHING done, I might add: Sleeping, working, wasting time on Youtube. It’d be different if I were doing something more constructive, even just watching a movie to watch a movie (not worrying about a review or at least making some constraints where I decide this movie I will review, this movie I’ll just watch to watch for FUN), or working on some review posts or blogging or READING a book or writing some of my own fan fiction or listening to some videos about things I want to pursue and have hobbies in (so make some learning out of it) and then yes, sometimes little by little have times where I just watch to waste time or veg out. I think, what I’m getting at, is INTENTION MATTERS.
For the music this made me think of for the above bullet point: See the video at the very end of this post. Note: “This Time” by Mandy Harvey 🖤🖤🖤
I don’t know what tomorrow holds, just as you don’t. Anything could happen, anything could be taken away. So I want to live my life with MORE intention. I want to live my life with more of my goals in mind. Making the most out of what I have here in the given moment. BEING PRESENT in that moment. Maybe it’s enough to be mindful for a while. Maybe it’s enough to exist in the present and pleasingly do so. Not having to rush to the past point or the next future point. Just here. Just now. That’s something I got out of this film, something practical. More intention. More goals, more dreams, more life. Uncovering what that means for me.
And will it be easy? NO. It won’t, at all. I’ll have days where I accomplish it and others where I don’t. But maybe trying makes all the difference. Trying to change, trying to transform, trying to practice something else. And if it doesn’t work out, then I can just go back to what I’ve been doing. But, I’ve also been doing this for years and it’s not very fulfilling. I can’t probably go cold turkey, but I can start. Imperfect action over perfection, every time. So, here’s to the beginning.

And honestly, there’s probably a lot more that I could say. BUT I think this is where I’ll end things. Because I want to just go watch some Youtube mindlessly and eat my fried dough from the movie theater haha. But I’ve worked. I actually read some of my fic novel SYET today which is such an accomplishment!! And I’ve re-edited a video and uploaded it. And I wrote and published this post. So, that matters. PLUS I saw a movie today.

And actually, in the timeline of life, I watched “Fantastic Four” (2015) yesterday and I actually really loved it! So, more to come in the future. LOTS more.

And maybe you’ll be here for the ride. Or maybe this is where you step off. Either way, I hope and wish you all the best. Thanks for being here. Until the future, or maybe Valhalla.

Sending love and light. xx

💜💜💙💙💚💚🌞🌈☔🌠

PPS I love that we got some LGBTQ+ representation through Valkyrie and Korg. That was nice and unexpected!!! Loved that.

“Iron Man 2” (2010) Film Review | MCU Review #3 (Apr. & Dec. 2021; Feb. 2022)

February 23, 2022 / RecoverytoWellness / 4 Comments

MCU Timeline by:

Chronological order of Release Date

Chosen Film/Year:

Iron Man 2 (2010)

Movie Rating:

PG-13

Movie Length:

2 hours and 5 minutes

End credit scene:

One.

Directors/Screenplay Writers:

Jon Favreau

Justin Theroux

Genre:

Science-fiction, action, adventure.

Trigger Warnings:

Self-destructive tendencies, dying, tying affairs in order, substance use (alcohol), smoking tobacco, self-sacrifice, reckless behavior, dysfunctional family dynamics.

Themes:

Hurt/comfort, illness, sickness, health, telling people vs. hiding it, SHIELD infiltration, you are not alone, superheroes, friendships, romantic interests, people outside of you challenging your cognitive distortions, family secrets, assassins, lies, facing adversity, very smart people, friendships are tested, adversaries, militarization.

Where I watched it from:

Disney+

Plot Summary:

As with all of my other MCU reviews, I will be linking to some places on the Interwebs where people were better able to summarize these amazing movies because if you leave it up to me, it’ll take forever lmao. Here’s who I recommend this time:

Memorable Quotes or Scenes:

(Rhodey to Tony) “You want to do this whole lone gun slinger act and it’s unnecessary. You don’t have to do this alone”

Wiser words have never been spoken. Try me.
(Nick Fury to Tony) “I remember you do everything yourself; how’s that working out for you?”

It’s ruthless but yet so very, very true. I can recall in AoU Fury being this poignant. Seems to be the staple for Tony’s and Fury’s relationship haha

3. (Howard to the camera via old footage, speaking to Tony directly) “One day you will figure this out. And when you do, you will change the world. What is and always will be my greatest creation, is you.”

No shit, their relationship was complicated (and we are shown that later on too) but just to hear this gutting phrase from your old man years and years ago? Damn. That hits, right in the feels. A little memorial in a sense, maybe a twisted sense, not knowing what was to come and yet saying it anyways in case it did. Such is life and thus, such is death. 🖤🖤🖤

Emotional Intensity:

Okay, I’ll be honest for a second: I’m writing, editing and finishing this review many, many, many months after I watched the movie for sure myself. While I am likely to watch it again with my partner, Vaness, that’s still a long time from now sooooo I can’t really say I remember a whole lot from this movie. I was even going to take out this part itself to begin with (for the sake of the rest of the review) but decided against it. I CAN say this movie has a great re-watchability rate compared to TIH. I also never rated it before but I think the mark I gave it is accurate. This movie definitely provides a whole heap of fan fiction inspirations and spin-offs, even just for me, so that’s really awesome and fantastic, I’d say!!! There’s definitely a lot to work with and what can I say? I’m biased. I love Tony Stark. Hahahha.

If you’d like to get lost in smart people attacking each other, on two opposing sides, with some self destructive habits sprinkled in and thinking you have to go through things alone (but really, you don’t) than this is the superhero movie out there for you!!! It’s so spell binding and amusing at points, heartbreaking in others and really gets you to understand the evil man’s perspective while still rooting for Tony. It’s also a good movie to be able to split up into parts–like I didn’t watch it all in one go but even a few days later I could get right back into it like nothing happened. I also didn’t write down A LOT of notes (unlike for Thor, next up movie!!) but I think what I did manage was helpful. Okay, now, onto the next sections!!! Overall emotional intensity: Yes.

Fan Fiction Ideas/Themes to Explore in My Fics:

- Betrayal
- Substance use
- Reckless behavior, suicidality warning signs
- Ill, health, dying etc.
- Hero vs villain
- Family secrets
- Boarding school
- Self sacrifice
- Alone vs together (especially when facing problems; definitely draw on this in my fics)
- Secrets
- Lies
- Adversity (especially overcoming it)
- Burdens on one shoulder versus across many
- Poor family dynamics
- Senses of abandonment
- Self destructive tendencies
- Humanization

Estimated Timeline of When I First Watched this Movie:

Gosh, I don’t know. It was definitely out of order many years after it truly came out. Maybe in like 2014 summer or so? That’s probably when I watched it. I know I watched IM3 thinking it was the plot for Avengers like three separate times because I kept catching it on TV at different points hahah And then I think I watched this one and then I figured out it was The Avengers so yeah. Definitely probably 2014, I’d say. Do I remember anything from it–from when I first watched it? Nooooope. It’s a good movie though!!

Subtle or Overt Preparation for Future (or past) Films:

We definitely start getting more of a taste for what will later become The Avengers. And the end credit scene shows us in New Mexico from Thor’s hammer landing there so we’re getting the teases lining up all right. We get more information on Natasha and Fury and the organization they’re about and from. So things are lining up pretty well!! (huuurrrr, that’s all I remember, lmao)

Recommendation Score:

8.5/10

Upcoming Movie:

…Thor (2011)…

Technical information regarding this post:

Working on the review: Dec. 26th 2021, Feb. 9th 2022, Feb. 23rd 2022.

Completed and Published: Feb. 23rd 2022.

Viewing Handwritten notes: April 6th-7th 2021, April 16th 2021

Thank youuuuu!! Thanks so much for staying tuned and reading this mini review of sorts!! I know mine can get, uh, pretty lengthy so, almost sorry about that but not really. Hahaha If you read it, you read it; if you don’t, you don’t. BUT for anyone who is out there and does enjoy these, I will keep them coming… As if I had a choice myself buahahhaha. Next up within the next month will be the Thor review. For now, I have to watch CA:TFA! Probs in March though hahaha I like to stay about one review ahead. And then one day I’ll be back on top of everything and current!!!! YAY! xxx

PS Not gonna lie, I’m mega proud I got this review out in Feb!!! It might be like 8 months later but I did it!! I didn’t have to extend the review date in the title hahha. Little wins are the best!

“The Incredible Hulk” (2008) Film Review | MCU Review #2 (Apr. & Nov. 2021)

November 17, 2021 / RecoverytoWellness / Leave a comment

MCU Timeline By:

Chronological order of Release Date

Chosen Film/Year:

“The Incredible Hulk” (2008)

Movie Rating:

PG-13

Movie Length:

1 hour and 52 minutes

End Credit Scene:

One.

Directors/Screenplay Writers:

Louis Leterrier

Zak Penn

Genre:

Action, science fiction, adventure, superhero, thriller

Trigger Warnings:

Violence, drug use, sexual content, language, PTSD, trauma, paranoia, death.

Themes:

Weapons of mass destruction, militarization, superheroes, villains, romance, imprisonment, caged, heart monitors, running, avoidance, power hungry, antidotes, getting rid of unwanted characteristics vs controlling it (in this case, being Hulk), saving the day, anger, love, hate, on the run, escapism, supersoldier, safety/unsafe, flashbacks, scientists, lies, “[Banner’s whole body is considered] government property”, emotional, rescue, gamma poisoning, traveling.

Where I watched it from:

Amazon Prime Video

Plot Summary:

As previously done in my “Iron Man” review, I will not be writing my own version of “The Incredible Hulk’s” plot summary, rather instead listing some other accounts of people who’ve done it far better than I ever could. 💚🖤

Link 1 from Roger Ebert
Link 2 from James Berardinelli at ReelViews
Link 3 from Wulff Den on Youtube

**If you happen to write MCU reviews and would like me to shout you out in the future with the corresponding movie, just let me know in a comment or email via by Contact page or my other social media. Thanks for contributing!!

Memorable Quotes or Scenes:

When the army leader told Tim Roth’s character about the Hulk and Roth was confused but the guy just said, “It was Banner.” That just really struck me and really stood out to me. I think it highlights the fact that everyone (or almost everyone, at least the big people in charge) were treating Banner and the Hulk and the situation like an object and a weapon of mass destruction rather than seeing and believing in his human side and that he’s not just some menace out to rule the streets. I don’t know, I thought that that was important. (Especially with the contrast we get and see with Roth’s character, hot damn. Banner was just out here living his best life (or trying to) and he wanted few things but the simplest and most basic of those needs just weren’t met. Sad.)
This movie overall to me is just very saddening and maddening.
The thematic concept of cures vs getting rid of things vs controlling things vs acceptance
The “[we] gotta try” sacrifice. Always a classic
Concept piece of: “you’re not a monster” or you’re not a murderer
“What if I told you we were building a team together?” I forget who said this but dun dun dunnnnn. Foreshadowing haha
I suppose it is a good thing to also wonder what the aftermath was like for Banner after he ran away at the end of this movie and the strain of the relationship he has with authority and how that is brought back into play in later films (Looking at you, Civil War–even though, yeah, Hulk wasn’t in that but if he had been, what side would he have been on?)

Emotional Intensity:

Anger, very well done but super heartbreaking, unsatisfactory and doesn’t allow me to repeatedly watch the movie over and over again (limited viewership)

Fan Fiction Ideas/Themes to Explore in My Fics:

Insecurity
Sacrifice
Cures vs acceptance (the golden apple vs acceptance)
Sadness
Anger
Not deserving happy things or romance
Paranoia
Distrust
Being controlled or manipulated by others
Power
Struggle
US military
Weapons
“Monsters” (what makes someone a monster? Could definitely overlap well with Loki!)
Worth
Running
Danger
“Home” (what is a home? What makes it a home?)
Safety/lack of safety
Stopping from killing
Romantic interest’s love and understanding
Being suspicious of others’ intentions
PTSD
How the military attacked Hulk rather than approached carefully, diplomatically and delicately
Family life (or lack thereof; not allowing one’s self a family life, goes back into deserving and worth and paranoia)
Strength
Resiliency
Eventual understanding instead of an us vs them
Science
Hope
Death

Estimated Timeline of When I First Watched this Movie:

Phhhhewww, what a GOOD question. I mean, besides this rewatch for the review… definitely a few years ago. Probably after I watched the Avengers. I think it bothered me just as much then as it did this year hahaha. This isn’t a super memorable film for me and not something I’d watch over and over but I know at some point I did watch it, maybe just on regular TV or eventually a DVD. Probs took it out at least once from the library itself (which I’ll be doing again soon with my partner, yay (as such it’s a big push and pull to get this review finally published while it’s still 2021 hah)).

Subtle or Overt Preparation for Future (or past) Films:

Definitely the introduction to the Avengers and putting together a team. That’s for sure. I think also that contemplation of which side Banner would have been on if he had been in Civil War is a good question and potential wonderful fan fiction idea someone should write about (if they haven’t already). Of course this film drew on the first film’s full on original backstory of Banner but like that one I can’t stand to rewatch it too much. It’s a good movie, this one, it’s just so frustrating. And really sad because I love this science bro and that’s tough to see him struggle so much. But I do think I have a lot more ground in store for my own Loki centered Avengers fanfics based on having rewatched this movie (regardless of all the avoidance, stress, procrastination and more that went on in the months after I fully sat down to watch it. Let’s just hope Thor doesn’t take quite as long.) I also liked that concept of being “a monster” because that’s heavily in play with characters upcoming like Loki. Also it’s great to see more of the mental health representation in these MCU movies too. So, yeah! Good job!! Thanks for reading ahaha

Recommendation Score:

6/10

Upcoming Movie:

….”Iron Man 2″ (May 2010)….

Technical information regarding this post:

This post began with the showing of the film April 5th 2021 at 
4pm with some notes in progress, Apr. 5th for outline of review 
online and then working on the review itself Apr. 6th around 7p.
Worked on again Apr. 7th at 12:30p - 1:30p.
Worked on again Apr. 29th at 9p, 10p. 
Worked on last: April 30th 2021.
Revised, edited, completed, finished now on Nov. 17th 2021. 
Can't believe it's been that long. Le sigh.

Thank youuuuu!!!

Thank you so much for sticking by me and reading!! If you got this far, leave a green heart emoticon down in the comments! 💚💚 I’m sooooo sorry this review took as long as it did. Ooof. Also I apologize for my most random of disappearances. Not just on here, but also on Twitter. New job, my partner, Fai (who my last post was about), friends, trainings for a new job and reading some books or not reading books and then reading books and now being stuck trying to publish some backlogged posts (like for books) as well as with this series and then actually finally finish watching Thor so I can get even FURTHER along in the MCU… plus the countless hours of procrastination, avoidance, anxiety, stress and poor time management. Yeah, it all led to here. How exhausting. But, we’re here now and that’s what counts. More to come very soon. See you all then!! XXX

“Iron Man” (2008) Film Review | MCU Review #1 (Mar-Apr. 2021)

April 6, 2021 / RecoverytoWellness / Leave a comment

*A fresh new thumb dedicated just to Marvel Cinematic Universe related movies and shows. What do you think*? 🧡

MCU Timeline By:

Chronological order of Release Date

Chosen Film/Year:

“Iron Man” (2008)

Movie Rating:

PG-13

Movie Length:

2 hours and 7 minutes

End Credit Scene:

One.

Directors, Screenplay Writers:

Jon Favreau

Mark Fergus, Hawk Ostby, Art Marcum, and Matt Holloway

Genre:

Science fiction, Action, Adventure

Trigger Warnings:

Torture, substance use (alcohol; tobacco), trauma, manipulation, war/weapons of mass destruction, PTSD, character death, “crazy” reference.

Themes:

Humor (sarcasm), back-stabbing, betrayal, trust issues, demilitarization, respect/disrespect, responsibilities, heroes, superheroes, feels, grief, ease of emotional expression/body language, cheeseburgers, ethics/morality, determination, grit, perseverance, not giving up, self-sacrifice, saving the world, high stakes, suspense and action, honesty, hope, financial gain, “I am Iron Man.” 🖤🖤🖤

Watched from:

Disney+

Plot Summary:

I’m doing something differently for this section in the majority of my MCU film reviews because I’ll be showcasing two to three other people’s content regarding the summary of the movies so that one, it’s not forever long from me and two, because I’m sure others have made it far more concise and user-friendly and three, because it’s been so long most of the time since I’ve watched the movies or I’m just late in the game of reviewing them so I think shouting out what others’ hard work exists out there rather than having the focus, like with the rest of the review, be just about me. Let me know what you think of this choice in the comments!! 😜🤪

Link 1 from the critic Roger Ebret
Link 2 from James Rocchi of Common Sense Media
Link 3 from John Campea on The Movie Blog

(*this section was finally completed as of Apr. 2021, 
about one month since I watched the film and started 
this review, as it were.)

Emotional Intensity Along with Character Development Commentary and Scoring:

This film is so emotional: outlined below especially and because it covers such vast and tough subjects. It doesn’t shy away from talking about intense stuff or showing intense stuff (see above trigger warnings as appropriate). It also paints a clear picture of who Tony was before he was captured and how some of that experience changed him afterwards (and we are teased some introduction to Tony and the loss he has already faced in his life). Luckily his snark and humor outlasted him but he definitely did change when he decided he was no longer going to support the mission of his and his father’s reputation which was to build weapons of mass destruction. He learned where they were really going and who they were affecting and he chose to no longer be a part of that story line which is immensely commendable and so, so wonderful to see play out. He’s still arrogant at times but we see such growth. We see him fight for a cause and his determination and perseverance and self-sacrifice really, really shine. He becomes enamored with a new mission and that’s to protect the world and all the people in it, which carries on endlessly throughout the franchise.

Additionally, Robert’s emotional capacity to show this through his body language and facial expressions is so spot-on, and that’s not even mentioning yet his chemistry with his hetero love interest Pepper Potts. Their chemistry is so refreshing and if I wasn’t a total FrostIron shipper, I’d definitely ship Pepperony next. There’s just SO MUCH to unpack in just this performance and I can’t wait to jump aboard as we go further and further into the franchise, yet again.

So, I have to say for emotional intensity and the immense suspense of the movie and the twists and turns it made all along the way, the transitions of the movie and the quick-wittedness it held, this movie definitely landed for me with an emotional intensity/character development of:

8/10

The emotional range definitely kept me interested, intrigued and captured myself. I was in it for the long haul and I probably would have scored it higher if it hadn’t been a month since I last watched it in full. Buuuuut, I also think this movie has a great re-watchability factor. So that is equally wonderful. Now, onto the rest of this review!!

Memorable Quotes or Scenes:

(Yinsen to Tony) “Is that how you want to go out? Is this the last act of defiance of the great Tony Stark? Or are you going to do something about it?”

Tony (despondent and depressed): “They’re gonna kill me, you, either way. And if they don’t, I’ll probably be dead in a week.”

Yinsen: “Well then, this is a very important week for you, isn’t it?”

I had to go back into the movie to make sure I heard this right and it was within the same conversation but, god, man, I loved Yinsen. That look of determination that crosses Tony’s face after Yinsen challenges his thought processes from how hopeless and desperate he feels, is just… chef’s kiss. It’s the right amount of push, motivation and inspiration that Tony and the viewer needed and is everything, I swear. The concept of just giving up can be so tempting but placed into this situation and prompted by Yinsen, it was immediately eliminated as a choice, an option, and it’s just so beautiful, I think!!!

2. (Tony to Yinsen) “Thank you for saving me.”

Yinsen: “Don’t waste it. Don’t waste your life.”

I’m loving these recurring themes of not wasting your life (from S17 of Grey’s Anatomy, the book I just finished with the acronym FOMO, etc.) (which I’ve done for the last year or so with my Youtube addiction) so it’s especially refreshing and important to me. This scene was SO EMOTIONAL too, as we find out that Yinsen’s family had already passed on and that’s why he was going to be seeing them again soon. Yinsen, too, had sacrificed himself to give Tony more time to escape and live his own life, forming a family and getting a second chance to make things right. It’s so beautiful and tear-jerking. Especially within the context that we know in Endgame that he got that family he wanted and unfortunately, left it behind in his last, ultimate sacrifice. 🖤🖤🖤🖤

3. Tony to Pepper: “There is nothing except this. There’s the next mission and nothing else….. I shouldn’t be alive. Unless it was for a reason. I’m not crazy, Pep. I just finally know what I have to do and I know in my heart that it’s right”

😭😭😭 Once again, the intention and fixation Tony has had on protecting people and the world from their own selves has been present, most certainly, since the beginning. The character development to get to this post is nothing short of amazing and the post-traumatic growth was heightened for sure. I just wish he could have gone on to experience this everlasting peace while he was still alive, in the end. But, I’m kinda jumping ahead a little. By like, twenty movies, haha. I think that intensity of wanting to do right when he’d done wrong for so long really, really matters so much. It was his drive and his self-proclaimed mission and venture. And he did it to the best that he could, and he achieved it for others to carry it forwards on their own shoulders. A true hero. Now I’m gonna start crying next…

Fan fiction Ideas and Themes to Explore in My Fics:

I feel like exploring some fanfic or plot where Tony talks to Loki about Phil’s death and does come to understand that Loki was also being mind controlled by Thanos/the Other and that they just nestle their foreheads together in quiet acceptance, wishing for things to have played out differently and still loving each other all the same. Maybe like some distrust at first and then some understanding even if not liking what happened. I don’t know, I just have that forehead nestling image in my mind right now, and I always kinda forget that Phil’s death was caused by Loki and how that is handled (or not) in fics themselves. So, this could be a meaningful one-shot for me to explore. 🤐😭😱
If I wasn’t such a FrostIron shipper, I’d totally get behind Pepperony. Their chemistry with each other is UNMATCHED. I loved it and could really respect the fandom 😆😗
There’s a scene where Rhodey questions Tony for not having enough respect for other people’s time (shown in how he doesn’t arrive to galas and conventions or making speeches for award shows, etc.) as well as his own self–I thought this nature of potential trauma and self-centeredness would be excellent to explore in a fic. Like, the insecurities that lies behind the front and uncertainty in his own belief of himself and just not respecting himself (lack of self-respect)/unworthiness. I thought that was particularly interesting
I also think more of a reflection and insight into Tony and Yinsen’s relationship would be wonderful to explore as well. Whether that’s him mentioning it to the team more or confiding it into Loki and their relationship as well. Maybe I could even adapt it into some of my fics like D&D, the mental health/eating disorder one. There’s definitely potential here. I have seen a couple of fics that explored this too or covered it in some way and I think it’s definitely something worth expanding and commenting upon.
The classic cheeseburgers. 💔💔
Trust issues (understandably)
Trauma denial (not sleeping enough, not eating enough, being obsessive and fixating on certain topics, over working himself, etc.)
Responsibility and maybe even instances of over-responsibility (thinking the weight of the world does in fact reside on his shoulders and only his, which may be a relief when other heroes join the mix in the future)
Abandonment: (I might explore this in the emotional intensity section above but since I’m writing this section first….) Now that Tony was saying he no longer wanted to create weapons for the military to use against the war on terror (because they were ending up in the wrong hands and he was actually taking responsibility for his work and the damage his reputation and more had already transpired) than no one wanted to be supporting him in this highly ethical and morally just situation/change of heart he had. It’s like the moment he switched gears, people regarded him as “crazy” and didn’t take him seriously or thought badly of him because he was no longer doing what they wanted. It was super frustrating and luckily he called out Pepper on this thinking too (listed above) and then she had a better understanding of his motivations and what he wanted to do. But it just sucks that Rhodey and Obadiah (even if he was the villain so it made sense why he felt threatened) weren’t there for Tony in the same way he would be there emotionally (physically?) for them. Like, once he wasn’t doing what they wanted they saw little use for him. So, that sucks. That kind of abandonment would be nice to explore in a story and the unjust nature of that, the moral dilemmas and second guessing one’s ability, etc.
I don’t know why Tony doesn’t like to be handed things so if anyone could enlighten me on that ’cause I know that’s a theme, that’d be great!!
I also just want to highlight the fact that Tony was self-sacrificing even as early on as this movie, like when he was climbing altitude fast with Obadiah when his suit power was low and again, even if you think about it, with Yinsen and escaping the terrorists and then again when he told Pepper to push the surge from the arc reactor even when he was in the way, knowing it was the only way to stop Obadiah. So, he’s always been like that even as far early on as here. I think exploring this further with like specifics in conversation, probably off-handedly would fit his character (humor/dismissive nature towards help and support) and be something he’d do, haha.
Parallels of the sand landing in this movie and the clip for the “Loki” series on Disney+ 😅😉
What were the 3 months Tony was held in captivity like for everyone else around him?
I find it a little surprising that Tony would be against the military involvement with his suits and future paths of his company yet be for them when it comes to “Civil War”, but then again, I never really understood the depth and bureaucracy behind that later movie (maybe watching it anew and fresh will help, or reading about it more, etc.)
A one-shot exploring the thanks Tony gives to Dum-E would be appropriate, needed and the kind of fluff we all deserve. 🧡❤💛

Subtle or Overt Preparation for Future Movies:

There was definitely a presence of the character Agent Phil Coulson from SHIELD throughout this movie. He served especially helpful towards Pepper Potts when she needed his help and aid to get away from Obadiah after copying over the files he had about making his own iron man suit as a weapon for the military and keeping/aiding fugitives from other countries (as well as being the one behind getting Tony killed in the first place). So, there was that. Coulson is also featured at the end, preparing Tony with the talk about SHIELD and how to handle the press, encouraging and expecting Stark to not alert the authorities to his true identity (and we all know how that really panned out 😉). There was also the end credit scene where Nick Fury himself came to Stark’s home and spoke about the Avengers Initiative. Of course, if we fast forward to other movies (like Captain Marvel) we know why and how the Avengers Initiative got created in the first place along with what the next steps are going forwards. I think that’s all I really remember from this movie now so that’s where I’ll end this section.

Estimated Timeline & Setting of When I Watched this Movie the First Time:

Honestly, I’m not sure when was the first time that I watched this movie in particular. I know that I only became an MCU fan in summer of 2014. I got introduced into the entire MCU then when I started to watch movie clips from Thor (2011) on Youtube and became very intrigued and interested in Loki. Then I watched scenes from Avengers (2012) and I read lots of fan fiction about the Avengers and Loki (my all time favorite story is the well-deserved popularity of “Drown” by Ordis here) and I really, really fell in love. I wound up watching Iron Man 2 and Iron Man 3 thinking the Avengers scene with Loki were in there (they weren’t) until I finally watched Avengers with my Mom and for the first two hours thinking to myself Aw, shit, it’s not this movie either, but then it WAS. Some time between then and the coming years I saw parts of and then the full Iron Man film that I watched, again, this time in March 2021 for this review and to really make myself feel and cry when the inevitability of Thanos happens and all of that jazz. I guess I just wanted to REALLY feel it again, that pain, but that love too. That…humanity and that kindness and love and wonder. I love Iron Man, he’s my favorite right after Loki. Is it any wonder that I’m a FrostIron shipper? Ahhaha.

I thought it’d also be excellent to re-immerse myself into the characters and plots so as a better way to improve my fanfics and above and beyond, as you probably already read about above. It took me a long while to work on this review and I’m hoping once it’s done, I’ll be able to breathe a little easier. But yeah, that’s been how I engaged with the MCU and in particular this one film. It was a very convoluted way of getting there, to the end with the MCU, but it’s how I managed to do it ahaha. Did I mention I had also watched a lot of Thor and Loki fan videos as part of the process? It was that, the movie clips themselves and then the fan fictions. I read about “Drown” before I searched for the movies so the torture thing for Loki was always already head canon for me. Okay, I’ll move on to the next section now!!! (–April 6th 2021)

My Final Thoughts:

It took me three hours to properly view this film for this review plus two or three more hours thereafter to craft the outline of this review, begin writing it, procrastinating from it, then writing, finishing and editing and publishing it from April 2021 for another three hours, gah. But I’d say it was pretty successful!! I’m nervous and on edge that I have to watch like 2 or 3 MCU movies per week for the next two months to get on more/better track of watching new stuff coming out (in particular, naturally, “Loki” series, “WandaVision” and “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier” plus the movie “Black Widow” etc.) I definitely could have gone without wasting an entire month of my time but it is what it is so I just have to accept it, focus straight ahead and move onward. So, that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m nervous that this review won’t be as “perfect” as I’d like it to be but if I keep waiting for that, I’ll be waiting forever. I have some other reviews and posts in the works behind the scenes but lost either concentration, flow or drive to finish them or getting on top of a few other things and letting the others slip away from my grasp, yet again. It’s a process. Sigh.

I hope that you enjoyed reading this review though!! And please check out the mentioned stories and reviews from others! If you happen to read this and you write reviews for MCU movies and you’d like to be shouted out or your work seen from my own words, let me know in a comment or an email via my Contact page!!! I’d be happy to shout you out and showcase some of your work. Or if you even write fanfics yourself!! 🤗🥰🤩

But yes, overall, thank you so much for reading and stopping by!! Let me know what you’d like to see next and I’m gonna be trying to network more in the coming future and all that jazz. If you’d like me to check out a particular post of yours, just let me know. Sending you all light, love and the power it means to be a hero. 💚💚💜💜💙

P.S. My thinking is that I’ll be about a movie ahead when doing these reviews, so for instance, I plan to edit and publish this today Apr. 6th 2021, work on TIH review to be scheduled later this week, and watch IM2 tonight/tomorrow and then work on that review, watch the next movie, publish the previous movie’s review, etc. I hope that makes sense!

PPS I took out the ‘cinematography’ section because I think the emotional intensity section can better cover that area/I can mention it there, and I don’t want to work on this review any longer (it’s been 2.5 hours again) and want to just get it up sooner without having to rewatch a second/third time all over again, so that’s what I’m doing and why.

Recommendation Score:

5/5

Upcoming movie….

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Information behind the scenes for this post:

Viewing for this review where I wrote brief notes, memorable quotes 
and things to that effect took place Sunday March 7th 2021 from 
8:15p - 11:15p. I began typing the skeleton of this post on March 8th 2021 
from 10a - 11a. The rest of the post was completed around 4p - 7p on 
April 6th 2021. I did various sections, about 8 or 9 of them, 
on this day so the majority was written in April even though I watched
and started it back in March, one month ago. ❤💛❤🖤

Music that helped to listen to in the background to craft this review: burn the house down by AJR, there’s a place by Roo Panes, lonely by Violet Skies, lose somebody by Kygo and One Republic, a 1 hour compilation of Tony Stark ambient sounds.

Film Review Friday: “Sharks of Lost Island” (2013)

May 11, 2020May 11, 2020 / RecoverytoWellness / Leave a comment

Chosen Film/Year:

“Sharks of Lost Island” (2013)

Movie Rating:

Movie Length:

.45 minutes

Writer; Producer/Editor:

Alan Martin; Neil Gelinas

Product of:

National Geographic

Themes:

Nature, documentary, sharks, coral reefs, marine ecology, narration, underwater filming, oceans, the negative impacts of humanity, pollution, garbage, carbon/human footprint, community meetings, overuse of fishing for food production (altering the amount of fish left in the world), small islands, ocean voyage, drones, science nerds, passion, care, inspiration, activism, advocacy, pursuits of the good, dramatization, interview style filming.

Trigger Warnings:

“Crazy” comments, sadness and depressive triggers, guilt, bird death.

How I found it?

Disney+

Movie Summary:

This documentary follows a team of marine ecologists as they plunge deep into the ocean waters near the remote, and barely inhabited, Pitcairn Islands. The three main islands are miles away from New Zealand, small specks in the Pacific Ocean. They are called: Pitcairn, Henderson and Ducie islands. Deep within the waters are either pristine or well established and well nurtured coral reefs. Most of the islands have a roaring amount of sharks lurking underneath, which is a sign of immense health and nutrition for the coral reefs.

The documentary is composed of following the marine ecologists as they embark on finding ways to limit the detrimental hands and feet and existence of humanity and preserving the innocence of nature and the gifts that wildlife has within our lives on a day to day basis. The documentary hones in on how the overuse of fishing is slowly destroying the climate and the world, how fishing garbage can be found on one of the remote islands despite how far away they are, how humans influenced an island by bringing in Polynesian rats that destroyed the flightless bird population, how a harmful weed was killing off the birds, leaving their feathers sticky with its goop and slowly killing them and following a set of community members on Pitcairn to work to establish the islands as a marine reserve to help bring in the expenses of tourism and preserve the life that was threatened by the evils of humanity.

Set in interview-style commentaries, the scientists share their hopes, their excitement, their awareness and their newest discoveries with the world. While a bit over-dramatized at times, this documentary does a fine job on making its information clear to understand for the viewer and inciting care and activism to preserve what can be so that we don’t lose everything we love, care for and genuinely need remaining intact in this world and on this planet.

Cinematography & Style:

The cinematography in this documentary is pretty great, overall. There are some excellent transitions and landscape scenes that are time lapsed, gathering the use of sunlight well, filming underwater and stock shots of the boats or the scientists as they explored the islands on foot. There were interview-style voice-overs of the scientists, with images and sights to behold overlaying their words with shots in between of the scientists speaking themselves. There were cameramen shooting the scientists mostly while some of the scientists (Mike, for instance) had a hand-held camera that he shot in to give us more a “first-person” perspective. It’s a friendly documentary with great use of scenery and music to set the scene even further. Overall, I did wonder how much of the film was scripted versus not and how some of the narrations were over-dramatized and zoomed in at points that weren’t entirely necessary for the story or film (for instance, the whole drone issue, when it was flying and hyped up but then it got lost and what the point of that was to keep it in the documentary, the set-up overall of some scenes, the music, etc.)

Memorable Moments:

The most memorable moment for me is probably the carcasses of the birds on the beach of Ducie Island due to the weed that arrived and got its sticky goo all over their feathers. It was just so sad and awful. Another thing I remember is some of the features of the deep dives with the fish and the clear water and that difference when one of the islands with more human inhabitants was VERY murky and gritty in spite of the clear, pristine waters were like. It made me wonder how other islands and oceans are fairing with even more human garbage, pollution, etc. existing. I also found this documentary, probably because of the human involvement and the negatives of humanity it highlighted, to be a little depressing and saddening and made me feel a little helpless and hopeless. Yet, there are good news from this documentary at the VERY end of this review, which preserves some positive aspects of humanity and the power that we hold in strong numbers. ❤

Information Delivery:

Creative in nature. (Hah! Puns) It wasn’t overly scientific so I could understand what was going on and it was very user-friendly, so to speak. Having some idea of biology and environmental stuff is a plus and a neat way to see textbook information in the flesh and in progress. 🙂

My final thoughts:

The end of the movie definitely made me think a lot and I had wondered whether the villagers and people of Pitcairn were able to make the islands a marine reserve and the answer, which is below, made my heart warm and restored some of my faith in humanity (to be honest, I have a pretty good faith in humanity overall). I thought it was a pretty neat documentary even if it probably wouldn’t be something I watched again in full or got a WHOLE lot out of. It does make me want to help the environment by picking up trash in the community, so there’s that, at least. I wasn’t quite expecting the sadness to be experienced in this documentary so that also influenced by final score. I’d say it wasn’t bad overall and I’m definitely more intrigued to watch a few more documentaries but I think that’s also because I’m not ready for more in-depth plot lines from more creative mediums.

Recommendation Score:

6.5/10

BONUS Good News:

The islands were established as marine reserves, the largest in the world, in 2015.

Annnnnnd, you managed to make it to the very end of this review!! Thank you sooo much for stopping by, reading and if you can, leave me your thoughts or recommendations down below! I am set to have a few more posts up this week–despite the fact that I have to write them first, ahaha–so there’s that to look forward to! I’m mainly focusing on a NAMI Walks 2020 post (for Tu), a Tracking Part 2 post (W), a FRF for Fri and probably a couple others here and there.

I might do one about some SMART goals I have and life update type styles. Also one on fanfic and my social media links. I’ve decided to incorporate 5 days a week at least 30 minutes of blog interaction/commenting/liking a day and that is going super swell so far! I’m excited to do more today.

Also, this post took me FOREVER to do. I don’t know why but it was just super difficult for me to be motivated and inspired to get it done and out. In the end, especially the day I’m publishing it, I was very ruminative in my mind so it was extra hard to focus and I need to download some new music ’cause I’m just over all the same songs I’ve been listening to lately. So I really procrastinated a lot on this post and I also tried to challenge myself to upload and work on it even AFTER it’s Film Review Friday, hence why this is going up on a Mon. I have to challenge my rules more because sometimes they’re awfully shitty and unnecessary rules! (I found that having a couple of timers for like 20 mins finally got me to accomplish this post and publish it!!)

Any who, again, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy my posts! Feel free to leave me a link or something to your own stuff if you’d especially like me to read and comment. Thanks again! ❤ ❤ ❤

Handwritten minimal notes: 4/29.2020;

Typed and written, added and edited: 5/7 & 5/11/2020

🙂

Film Review Friday: “Jane Goodall: The Hope” (2020)

May 1, 2020May 1, 2020 / RecoverytoWellness / 2 Comments

Chosen Film/Year:

“Jane Goodall: The Hope” (2020)

Movie Rating:

TV 14

Movie Length:

1 hour & 28 minutes

Directors/Producers:

Elizabeth Leiter & Kimberly Woodard;

Lucky 8 TV & National Geographic.

Themes:

Activism; humanity; biology; chimpanzees; rescue; advocacy; love and kindness; inspiration; younger generations; community; teamwork; hope; humanitarianism; projects; conferences.

Trigger Warnings:

Mild substance use (alcohol)

How I found it?

Disney+

Movie Summary:

This documentary follows Jane Goodall, the chimpanzee scientist who observed the animals in the wild when she was young and in Africa, and her journey towards finding a footing in the activism sector and speaking out for those animals that she cared so much about and wanted to fight for and give a voice to them and others. This documentary follows her and the ins and outs of her story, where she came from, where she wants to continue going and how she hopes she’s making a positive impact not only on the planet but with the younger generation. She has multiple projects, “Shoots and Roots” as one for instance, and speaking opportunities that she literally travels worldwide for. She is a powerhouse woman built on the foundations of honesty, passion, determination, fight, spirit and perseverance. With a movie so visually pleasing and heartwarming from the dialogue and map of Goodall’s work, this is a must watch documentary to introduce you into activism, environmentalists and, above all, hope and positive change for the footprint left by mankind.

I thought it was especially interesting for them to include her meeting with her assistant/worker where they’re trying to figure out her schedule for conferences and being where/when and such. It just offered a neat perspective into how much she does and how much she’s trying to cram in with her growing age, and the fact that she still has such a large commitment and power to her voice that she wants liberated before she passes on. There’s just something especially empowering about all that, I think.

Cinematography & Transitions:

I felt that the transitions to this documentary were really pretty fantastic. We got the voiceovers of Jane Goodall as she spoke at length in different parts and more of the detached audio with moving pictures representing the landscapes or worlds within the world of local communities. Various people were interviewed throughout the documentary and gave their thoughts and inspirations from Goodall and it made the importance of such activism really shine and even help to further inspire so many other people out there who may want to embark on similar careers.

I know for myself that it was really pretty inspiring and I might work into activism some day, too. I think it’s so awesome all the work Jane has done in her fields of interest and intense passions. I hope we still get to be blessed with a few more years of her work and her mission and her story. To be able to appreciate her ongoing impact and others enjoying her presence and her soul is so powerful, that I’m really grateful there was another documentary made about her (I didn’t watch the first one, though). I think our current day society tends to congratulate and celebrate lives AFTER they’ve passed on so it was really nice to see a present play by play of gratitude and appreciation. 🙂

Also noteworthy is that the documentary itself was broken up into transitional slides that had a few words on what that next section of the movie would be about. I also think that through the production of this movie that we got to see the quirks of Jane Goodall and her humor, let alone her kindness and compassion to folks.

Memorable Quotes:

“If we lose hope then we must all give up if we think there’s no way forward…We mustn’t let [that] happen.”

“My job is to go around and inspire people to take action”

“[About Goodall] ‘She is driven to her commitment–to her mission'”

“Every person matters. And every animal does too. But every person makes some impact on the planet every single day and we get to choose what sort of difference we make”

“…I truly believe it’s only when head and heart work in harmony that we can achieve our true human potential”

“If you don’t talk to people how can you ever expect them to change?”

“Hope attached to action [is what] we all take responsibility for”

“Don’t be confrontational: reach people’s hearts to change their minds. Don’t do something because you want the honor and glory of it”

Concept:

How anger with the rest of the world sparked Goodall’s passion.

“When you die there’s either nothing, which case is fine, it’s finished, over, you don’t know anymore. Or there’s something. And I happen to believe there’s more than just this one physical life. I haven’t the faintest idea what else there is but if that’s true then what greater adventure can there be?”

Information Delivery:

I found the information in this documentary to be engaging, visually pleasing, understandable and educated me well on what mattered or what were the highlights of Goodall’s mission and those around her.

My final thoughts:

So, I found this documentary on Disney+ when I began my first week’s free trial (even though I’ve signed up completely for the plan, :3). I wanted to watch something for what I’m now designating as “Movie Monday’s” and this was the one that stood out to me for a documentary and something I’d be interested in learning more about.

I had never really heard of Jane Goodall before I watched this documentary and this is the first one I’ve seen with her in it. I think I mildly recall a reference to her from one of my biology classes about her having taken such field study related notes with the chimpanzees in Africa.

Regardless, I was eager to learn and listen and become educated. I really enjoyed the entirety of the documentary and I think it’s really kinda inspired me to get back into environmentalist stuff. When I was a little kid I used to be really into animals and saving the planet and as I got older I drifted away from that. But I did some community based volunteer work within the Greater Boston area in college and one of them was trash picking and I really enjoyed doing that, so maybe when corona is over or the quarantine is lifted a bit, I’ll get back into that, even if it’s just around my local community for now. 🙂

Two other things I want to touch on briefly include:

The confrontation quote and subsequently the not doing something because you want the brownie points is something that I struggle with because I think I do seek that external validation somehow in some ways and I want to be praised and loved by others around me, which is odd and interesting to say and acknowledge at the moment.

Secondly, the final quote absolutely reminds me of the Marvel Cinematic Universe with how Endgame went and Stark’s sacrifice. You know the whole, “part of the journey is the end.” ❤

And lastly, an additional point, the public speaking in Goodall’s life also reminded me of Kevin Hines who I also greatly look up to and whom inspires me and why I share my mental health journey story. But, that’s it from me now. 😉

Recommendation Score:

8/10

Above all: thank you. Thank you so much for viewing this blog post, for liking it if you did and if you were gracious enough to leave me a comment. I hope to one day give as much back into the community that I found a home in as I had a few years ago. It’s become lonely just talking to a void. I may challenge myself to write shorter posts here and there too or to just post more in general. I’d like to return to my roots, myself.

I estimate an update blog post for either this coming Sun or Mon, by the way.

Lastly, my handwritten notes when I viewed this movie occurred on April 27th 2020; and I completed more of the writing and form of this review on May 1st.

Stay safe, peeps!

❤ ❤ ❤ xxxx

PS This is my first officially published film review!!! I have DOZENS of notes for others but I never got this far so I’m really pretty happy about this. The views and opinions of this post are my own and I’m coming from a pro-recovery mental health journey perspective so some things will be skewed with that in mind and for the inspiration/expected audience in mind of my peers who may be looking for pick me up movies. 🙂

“Pet Sematary” (1989) | Film Review (May 2019)

June 7, 2019June 7, 2019 / RecoverytoWellness / Leave a comment

An Introduction to this Blog Post:

Hi guys! Welcome back to another blog post and something especially nice and hopefully enjoyable in return! 🙂 I handwrote this film review back in May 2019 which is why it’s titled as such above. The review is broken up into many organized (although it seems disorganized in my notebook, trust me) sections that you will soon see. Just beware, SPOILERS are likely, so if you don’t want that, don’t read this post!!

I have another book review I am going to be starting soon (CoM), perhaps even tonight, and also more film reviews. For now, here are some dates!

Troubleshooting the film (my laptop’s disc no longer works, so problem solving was required!): 5/10/19

The first watch thru: 5/16

The second watch thru: 5/19

The review itself: 5/17, 5/27, 5/28

Now, let’s get to it, shall we? 🙂

CHOSEN FILM:

“Pet Sematary” (1989)

RATING:

DIRECTOR; SCREENPLAY WRITER:

Mary Lambert; Stephen King

TRIGGER WARNINGS:

Alcohol/substance use, suicide (explicit), death, homicide, extreme thinness (Zelda), “crazy”

THEMES:

Life and death, meaning, horror, bad acting, ghosts/supernatural forces, burial grounds, responsibilities

PLOT SUMMARY:

When the Creed family moves into their new home in Maine, they discover an old pet sematary in their backyard. Beyond it exists an old Indian burial ground with magical powers that threaten the lives nearest to it. At work, Louis deals with a man brought in dying who later becomes a benevolent spirit that warns about the burial grounds. The family’s cat meets his end and their neighbor, Jud, shows Louis the burial ground. Later, Louis’s youngest son Gage dies tragically and Louis realizes he’ll do whatever it takes to have more time with Gage–even if that means losing everything else.

PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS FROM THE BOOK/REVIEW DISCLAIMER:

Because I read the book I’m biased and uniquely aware of what changed and what stayed the same. Even if I had watched this film first, the same thing would apply.

Just know that my judgments are uniquely my own; they are merely my own thoughts on the production of this film and an assessment in the ways in which the story was told, as I see it from my own eyes. It is a clear reflection on where I currently sit in life and my recovery. I watched it to review it, as I do most forms of entertainment these days, for the people out there who care about what I think and want to read and be forewarned of issues they may wish to avoid or distance themselves from. Although I may be biased, I am authentic and honest in my review, as I hope you will later see. I express myself for what I feel the film shone in and where darkness fell. I tried to create as well-rounded an experience for it and I look forward to getting the chance to continue my reviews in the future. Thank you. ❤ xxx

SIMILARITIES & DIFFERENCES FROM BOOK ADAPTATION:

Differences:

Missy Dandridge (maid/helper) kills herself [her medical stuff is somewhat focused on in the film in replacement to how Norma’s was in the book]
There is no Norma (Jud’s wife; which could have helped the plot, I think)
No Jud (neighbor) and Louis friendship
Zelda (Rachel’s older sister) is not mentioned until later in the plot
Times of day and small details changed [J and L bury Church (cat) in day versus at night; C’s broken neck is only mentioned in dialogue later, the green trash bag is shown as a black one; L goes to Gage’s burial site during the day versus the night]
How Timmy (a once resurrected adolescent) and his father Bill died [B doesn’t kill T, they both die in the house which is set on fire. Also there was no Timmy verbally attacking J and his friends; which makes sense because without Norma being around there wouldn’t be much point for them to receive heated jabs]
Kite scene changed with more of the family and J and such [which was fine]
Ellie (L’s daughter) was for Elaine, I’m pretty sure, in the book but was changed to Ellen in the movie
Establishment of Steve (co-worker)/work for L is missing [Steve doesn’t play much of a role except briefly at the funeral]
E tells about Pawscow dream to grandparents before getting on the plane
Also E & R don’t have that conversation where she’s worried about L and says they’ll be fine but what about L?
R’s tire blew out instead of her falling asleep/having other car troubles (this was okay too)
No bee sting for Gage
P doesn’t outright mention the Pet Sematary to L before he dies, but I like how they connected it to J with the stonier quote later which is even better in some ways
P’s ghost has much more of a presence in the film than in the book, maybe because he’s visually pleasing [able to communicate the plot directly forwards]. I don’t mind this change, in fact, I actually quite welcome it. I think it rounded out his character more and he was more benevolent and kinder in the film that creepy and eerie like in the book. Especially when he helps R & E realize who he is.
No ambulance problems at the university (where L works)
No calling P’s family/at the morgue [when L wanted reassurance that his dream hadn’t actually happened]
G never chokes like he did before the truck scene (where he is killed)
J’s dog Spot in the film is actually meaner and less docile than how he was described in the book. With the film, none of the other returning pets are mentioned so this may account for/make up for this changed detail
Zelda’s actress is like 30 years old rather than being 10 y/o
R leaves out how Z wanted her to be dead instead, for her to be in pain, for her to suffer like Z did
No in-laws trouble further explored except when it’s seen at the funeral fight
J does not warn L about the noises or images he may see upon the Micmac journey. He says a little of this but not as much as in the book
The truck driver that kills G is never mentioned again
G isn’t as messed up looking as in the book (when he’s resurrected)
When J tells L to take care of his family, L doesn’t say how his son needs him too.

Similarities:

P’s classic red shorts
“The soil of a man’s heart is stonier”; “Sometimes dead is better” [the 3 time repetition made it lose its effect though]; “Darling” (at the end); “What you buy is what you own and what you own always comes home” (voice-over).
PS opening scene w/ voice-overs of children was spooky as they talked about some of the pets (Biffer the Sniffer) mentioned in the book
Eerie J [even more so since no further relationship is provided] of J watching L’s house from across the street
L and his “under advisement” line 🙂
Great depiction of R & Z’s memories and the emotional dialogue/VO of R to L about how Z died and what she thought/felt
J to L (like in the book’s concept): “Death is where the pain stops and the good memories begin”
G’s shoe falls off (good detail)
After fight at funeral L glimpses G’s hand in his casket
J falls asleep

STRENGTHS:

Actor playing Louis was great at emotionlessness and anxiety at the climax; good depiction of Zelda and her appearing as Killer Gage; Pascow as a ghost; Killer Gage is pretty cool; when Rachel goes in to kill Louis at the end–that was a very nice depiction; I loved that Killer Gage wanted to play with Jud, Rachel and Louis [phone call was a nice touch] and that Gage told Louis when he was dying again, “No fair.” Hahaha

WEAKNESSES:

Bad acting [L especially, like one of those bad acting SyFy movies about killer dinosaurs and mutated creatures by trading valuable/emotional acting with a quick output and potential profit (which maybe is why they remade it for 2019); P and college students don’t look college aged; E wasn’t the greatest actress either; close-up to L and his “Noooo’s” when G dies was more hilarious than emotional for me; P can warn but not interfere was missing although it was shown so maybe that offsets it.

EDITING/MUSIC:

Pet Sematary song by The Ramones at the credits was a nice touch; scenes had a natural transition: close-ups of trees or faces; intense music at climax.

VIDEOGRAPHY/VISUAL IMAGERY:

Loved the touch of the dilapidated house when L walks into J’s after the murders, how the burial ground seems to have taken over, the moss and fog and mud, then the switch when L picks up R’s shoe and the house returns to normal; the shuffle between L and Killer Gage; L’s calm and madness when carrying R out of J’s house and heading back to the Micmac to bury her; opening shot of the PS–a little slow but also artsy; good visual of the deadfall; transition with P was very abrupt but may be an indication of how his death was.

QUESTIONS I FOUND MYSELF PONDERING:

Was P’s ghost/dying form meant to simply move the plot forward or was there some counter-influence he possessed to warn L about the powers of the Micmac burial ground before tragedy struck?
If it’s L’s job as a doctor to care and save his patients, why does P take a particular fascination and eagerness to help the Creed family? Wouldn’t L have tried just as hard to save someone else as he did with P? What makes the Creed’s so special?
Why do some of the things P says reflects or mimics what J says? (stonier, dead speak, etc.)
What can’t P help J stay awake? Why is he only connected to the Creed family? Why does he only have so much range?
Why doesn’t R do anything more than scream at L to get the baby? (When G runs out in the road)
Why doesn’t R run at all from Killer Gage but obviously gets killed even after seeing him with a scalpel, seeing J is dead and knowing that G is going to kill her next? (In the book the weapon was hidden behind his back)
In the reveal, R comes from hanging out of the attic. How did KG manage this? How did he move J to hide under the comforter?
Why does KG fly from the attic onto L?
Why can’t L get KG off quicker? (KG is still only 2 y/o)
Why does everyone have their weapons in plain sight?
Why does KG not put up more of a fight against L before he’s injected?

MISCELLANEOUS OBSERVATIONS:

L’s pajamas are scrubs [I totally judged him for it]
L doesn’t wear gloves at work on P’s case [that’s just unhygienic!]
In L’s dream P mentions how the Micmac burial ground is “where the dead speak” (or walk, if my memory there is correct). J told this same thing to E about cemeteries (“grave markings are how the dead speak”).
When Missy kills herself she is shown writing a suicide note before she explicitly uses a specific method to die. I think this would have been equally strong to depict with her feet in the shot (as was shown) and then pan towards her shadow on the wall rather than a zoomed out shot showing the nasty nitty gritty of her death. It would have the same emotional impact without giving vulnerable populations a glorified notion of suicide. Sometimes less is more.
Before the scene for Missy’s funeral there’s a random and maybe accidentally left in shot of J and L at the MM
When first visiting the PS altogether, R is shown self-soothing w/ G & her issues with death are brought into the picture
There’s also L’s anger shown well when he leaves from the home to go to work when the death issue is brought up again
Because N isn’t in the plot MD’s death brings up R’s issues with death even more
J to L before leaving the funeral corrects L that C is HIS cat now because of what happened at the BG, insinuating the theme that what you buy is what you own/your responsibility which was showcased in the book too
When P dies he tells L, “The soil of a man’s heart is stonier, Louis. I’ll come to you.” — L is freaked out because P knows his name and there’s no way he should know it. This is important as it’s referenced later with J after burying C. This also shows the link between the two and P does return as a ghost to L. In the book, I think P talks more about PS than in the movie
I liked when P returned to L and L thinks he’s dreaming and P says “Who said you were dreaming?” I thought this was funny and a necessary way to transform L’s thoughts so detailed in the book to the big screen
P has one murky white eye in film as opposed to grey eyes in book. This actually reminded me of my fanfic “Come to Pass” 🙂
I thought because we don’t get as much insight into L’s thoughts that the moment he realizes it wasn’t a dream with P is a little anti-climatic versus how it made me giggle in the book
I liked especially the gradual transition from dream to waking in this scene as well
Upon the journey to the MMBG, L falls [which never happened in the book and maybe was meant to show how treacherous the climb was]
The journey highlights the various climates before reaching the MM
“Loon” noises occur but no talk of Wendigos
The aerial shot of the MM rocks with the eerie music in the background is great
Good passage of time in these scenes as well
When J tells L about the stonier of a man’s heart we see an explicit flashback to P. The connection I think is that the BG also is stonier than other soils and so P knew more than L about the BG, much like J and it’s something L should never have found out about (especially since the BG influences deaths to the Creed family)
L’s actor expresses haunted looks very well
C brings a dead rat to L in the bath– a small glimpse of how Killer C is after resurrecting [probably should have been considered for R & G honestly] which is also evident in how L gives C raw meat before he kills him
The MM influences the kite’s handle to fly away from G. It is hungrier for more deaths. G goes after it and dies. G was (and others too) so happy before the tragedy. Some of the paper plates fly away too
The truck falls over too
The visual of the kite in the sky also drops once G is hit
Fake crying in background for E sounds forced and trite. This is one reason I feel she’s also not the greatest of actresses
When L puts E to bed night of the wake she asks if she can have faith that god can undo G’s death and L responds with, “Yes, I suppose you can.” We automatically know he’s planning to resurrect G.
J knows this and tells L about Timmy. He tells L that T’s father didn’t realize the truth before he buried his son (who also doesn’t look in his early twenties): “Sometimes dead is better“
Essentially when resurrected they come back cannibalistic (think zombies)
We skip L getting his supplies and have a scene where P is warning L about crossing the barrier as L arrives at G’s site during the day (and the fence isn’t much of a problem comparatively)
L is giddy/under the BG’s influence when he escapes the sights of the cop as he digs G out at night
L’s holding dead G wasn’t as impactful in film like in the book which was disappointing for me
E has another P dream
E tells R how P is a good ghost sent to warn (missing: but can’t interfere although he kinda does to help R get to L sooner)
P’s ghost appears to help R realize who he is and that his soul discorporated
R dreams of Z and G getting her for letting them die on the plane and P is there sitting too, haha
P interferes a little by holding the plane’s gate door open and talking with the car rental person
P reappears when R’s rental car blows a tire and tells her how it’s the BG stopping her. She looks around and asks if anyone is there. Interesting how the paranormal works in this film. 🙂
KG’s hand and making noises comes out of his rocky grave
P only has a certain range and can’t be super near to the BG [I assume because they have conflicting agendas] and he says how he doubts that everything will be okay
Z & KG get R to go to J’s house (as here J never explicitly told R to meet him at his house and by now he’s already dead)
KG kills J with a scalpel from L’s medical bag–ouch!! Right in the ankle, too! D:
KG appears as Z first to R
L finds out about R from her father’s call and the muddy footprints of KG. The phone rings again and it’s KG saying how he got to play with J and R and wants to play with L too. L yells at him: “What did you do?“
R is dead by the way, she gets killed off screen
C helped G kill J by surprise. L kills C to leave no chances for C and G to be in cahoots and probably to destroy all the evidence
When L kills C he yells, “Play dead! Be dead!” He also shows how emotional he is (also later too) before returning to calm, cool and collected. At this point L realizes R is completely dead
KG bites and stabs L three times
I enjoyed the flashes of memories from KG to a happy/alive G. That was nice
You would think L learned his lesson from C & G before putting R into the BG but his delirium is likely because he’s out of his mind and is fixated only on the BG and nothing else. He sees nothing beyond this point. He really did love R
After setting J’s house on fire, L carries R’s body out and says how he waited too long with G and that it will work with R. P warns him not to do it, L doesn’t listen
J’s voice-over comes in about what you own
R returns with a ‘darling’, picks up a knife and kills him off-screen.

Movie ends.

RECOMMENDATION SCORE:

7.5/10

Okay, this honestly took me about 2.5 hours to type all up. I worked easily 10 hours between watching, re-watching, taking notes, taking more notes, organizing the information, typing the information and everything else. My wrists are hurting, I am insatiably hungry and I’m ready to be done with this review and blog post and just get it up for someone to eventually find and have the interest in them to read and comment on it. 😀

I’ll probably have a few other blog posts (reviews honestly) to come soon.

For now, I’m off.

I need a break ahaha.

Hope you enjoyed it!!

Have you seen PS? What did you think of it? Was the remake good? I want to watch the sequel too and then eventually review the remake. 🙂

Hope you’re all doing well!!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Stay safe.

Mourning Review (and Processing) After Avengers: Endgame | !!Warning: Spoilers!!

April 27, 2019 / RecoverytoWellness / Leave a comment

This is not a film review.

This is a mourning and processing review.

This is spoiler filled so if you don’t want that, you better click away!

This is me in sorrow. This is me in pain. This is me feeling loss to a world that is painful. To a world that doesn’t entirely exist on its own but feels like it does so very, very much. This is me coming to understanding. This is me grappling with such immense loss…loss of characters so influential, so heroic, so life-changing and life-saving even. This isn’t exactly me saying #ThankYouAvengers ’cause I’m still kinda pissed. I am mourning. I have been deeply affected by a world of heroes that were never in my control. I wish to mourn and share my ache with those of you who are just beginning to watch the same film I did and possibly take something different and foreign and yet all the same emotions and thoughts from it. I stand with you. We will make it through this…together. Whatever it takes. With love to 3000. Let’s begin.

SPOILER WARNING

….

!!!!

Natasha Romanoff.

Tony Stark.

Steve Rogers.

These are the ones we lost.

Tony’s death is the one that sticks out the most for me. I feel like my soul has been shredded to pieces. I am emotionally wrecked. Like a sinking ship. A deserted island. I’m in shock. I don’t want it to be true, but it is and it sucks and life feels so much less meaningful now.

And it’s not like I could have ever done anything about it, you know? I was powerless. Just as powerless as you.

And I know, I know part of the journey is the end. And they did win, this time, they won. But it still hurts. It hurts very deeply and very badly.

I’m never gonna look at cheeseburgers the same way (and Morgan, right? When she said that and Happy spoke to her, I cried all over again).

And the funeral, man I cried then too.

The moment when Tony passed–if the movie had ended right then and there I would have legitimately BAWLED and SOBBED–but it didn’t so I had to clear my eyes and get rid of the snot from my nose as I started to cry again in other parts.

And then Steve at the bench, having grown old… God damn it, then I was crying too.

And even when Natasha sacrificed herself for the soul stone, I shed a few tears then. But it wasn’t like with Iron Man, you know? It just wasn’t.

Iron Man was my second favorite character (the first being Loki, as if that’s much of a surprise, ahaha). I wish I could have seen Loki fighting in the final battle. That’s something I want to write into the story line from a pure fan fiction point of view. I also want to write a fic where Tony and Loki re-unite (FrostIron for sure, is that any surprise, either? XD) in the afterlife. Probably something I can just put my energy back into and try to move on as best as I can from these cinematic sacrifices.

I wish Vision could have been there, too.

And the movie was so much about trying again, trying to start over but always having that doubt in mind that things could have been different. Having the opportunity to have second chances–with Thor and his Mom, The Ancient One and Hulk, Tony and his Dad, Steve and Peggy–all of it, just … hits me in the gut.

I love, I truly do love that Steve got to live a life with Peggy and grow old but it’s so, sooo sad to see him go. To see everything as it happened, and without any end credits scenes just gutted me. My processing song for this post is: Sum 41’s “Crash” (fitting, I find).

I really thought it was going to be Barton that sacrificed himself, and it was a close call for sure, and when Nat just said “It’s going to be okay” and leapt…

And even their meeting after back in the present day (five years after Thanos snapped his fingers when AIW ended) talking about Nat and wanting her to be there… shit, man.

And then there was the whole time travel component.

And Tony had a family.

And at first it confused me that them saying they wouldn’t mess with the past and the present day at the 5 year mark would be intact was something I missed at watching the movie (i.e. My Mom explained it to me in the car later). Which makes sense as to why Morgan is still alive and everything (I loved that Pepper joined in within the fight, too).

I think it was really Peter begging for Tony to stay that got me.

I mean, I knew, I thought he wasn’t going to make it, but shit, I wasn’t ready for it. Not like this. Even with Cap I wasn’t ready for it.

And there’s just this void in me now. Like, I want to go see it again now (I already got tickets to see it again with a friend who hasn’t seen it yet for Monday evening) but it’s just so fresh even now.

And when Pepper told Tony that it was okay and “You can rest now.”

Dude, I’m just in tears.

I feel so shattered. I feel like a husk of a soul. Carnage.

And I teared up when everyone was there to fight the final battle, that was lovely and so awesome and inspiring and fantastic.

But that loss, man. That final, “I am Iron Man”. I mean, I was nervous when the movie started and Tony was so sickly and then for everything to come full circle and for him to wield the stones to vanish Thanos but that taking everything out of him…

I don’t think I realized how attached to these characters I was, until, it was too late. They were gone. And I guess that’s how life and death tends to be, isn’t it? Like I genuinely just feel like curling up in a ball and sobbing for the next year.

And when Cap at the end let Sam hold his shield. And to have passed that on. Oh god!

And they got to play Tony’s last message and everyone was there for him at the funeral. I swear, I feel like I’m not going to be the same. I mentioned the thing about the cheeseburgers, right? Because I swear shawarma and cheeseburgers I’ll never look at in the same way again.

There was comedic relief spliced into the story, too, don’t get me wrong.

It was shocking and funny to see how much Thor let himself go and how human he was because he’d chopped off Thanos’s head and then drank himself into a stupor after and got fat and when presented with his mother again he spoke to her at length (I kinda wished he’d done more with Loki though, to be honest) and tried to warn her about her own death to come but she knew, I think, and she accepted it.

It was a very meaningful exchange. It was interesting to see too what else happened after the Avengers movie had ended where it did, why Loki got a muzzle and how he disappeared when the Tesseract was out in the open. I enjoyed the hurt/comfort nature within this movie.

I also enjoyed when Nebula and Tony were playing with the paper footballs. And I thought it was well done how Clint started off the movie but his family were the ones to disappear. His growth, and really, all their growths were so touching and heartfelt.

I just wish things could have ended differently. And I don’t think I’m ready to accept them for how they are the way they are.

I’m probably going to be busy writing fanfics about this ending and AU’s where things went differently. In part to mourn and in part to move on and carry forwards.

I feel….more clear-headed now. I really needed to process.

I came into this Marvel Cinematic Universe in summer 2014. I fell in love with Thor and Loki through fan videos on Youtube and tons of fanfic stories (“Drown” by Ordis is my utmost favorite). I had the idea of my own fanfic story (the one I now proudly call “Come to Pass”) before I ever made another fanfiction.net account (I had a previous one for House MD but lost the password). I watched Iron Man 3 and Iron Man 2 trying to find the Loki scenes but couldn’t. Eventually I came across Avengers and for the first two hours, felt the scenes weren’t in there either, but then they were and I fell in love. That’s how I got involved into the MCU.

I had seen Iron Man before, not in theaters but on TV, and I always thought that Thor was just another one of those ancient Rome movies my Mom likes, and not actually a superhero movie.

I was a kid when I saw the original Spider-Man movies. The ones with Tobey in them.

And I saw Thor and I saw Captain America and I saw a couple of the Hulk ones and The Winter Soldier on TV and everything. I saw Ant-Man and Doctor Strange and The Dark World, Age of Ultron (I think, can’t recall for sure) on TV too.

I saw Civil War, Ragnarok, Infinity War, Endgame and Homecoming in theaters.

I saw Captain Marvel in theaters too, actually, to be fair.

But in 2016 I started writing my own fanfic stories and publishing them online. I think it was only just this year when I decided I’d write “Come to Pass” the one from when I first got introduced in this magical and life-saving realm.

I mean, honestly, this universe kept me alive for so long. Ragnarok, Infinity War, Endgame… I had to be alive still in order to see them and enjoy their presence and bask in their glow.

And now, with a clearer head and still with an ache, I will find time to write and write passionately. Because I loved these characters. I loved these stories. And life, life always moves on, moving forward no matter how much we want it to stop and stay the same, at times.

I’m sure I’m not over mourning now, in ways I know I’m not, but I may be able to write yet and I will probably read some fanfics to help me to cope and come to terms with everything.

Even with Tony and Natasha and Steve gone in the MCU, in the cinemas, they are still living on in each and every one of us. I don’t know how I’ll be able to stand re-watching old movies they’re in without thinking about their ultimate demise, but maybe that’s not the point. Maybe the point is that they still live, despite everything that wound up happening, they’re still here, they still live and breathe and feel and can be manipulated and explained and understood.

In many ways, they are timeless. Which is a theme you’ll see me talk about more in my book review on “Pet Sematary” (1983).

For now, I think it’s time I pick myself up and move forwards. I don’t know how or if exactly I will go onwards with the MCU. Maybe it ends here, and maybe it doesn’t. I’m curious to see what happens next.

And I will always love Tony Stark and Loki. My two favorites. And they’ll always be with me, moving forwards. And Steve got to be with Peggy, he got to live a life so full and beaming. He got to finish something he had once started.

And I guess, I will find new reasons to stay alive. Maybe to read all the fanfics out there, of others wishing for a different end. It’s amazing the power that fictional characters can have on us.

It’s not goodbye, it’s just… see you later.

Okay, I’m officially crying again but I think this is where the story of this Mourning Review ends.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for being. Thank you for existing.

And above all: Thank you Stan Lee for helping to create these masterpieces. This one is to you.

May we all find peace, meaning and trust in the process of this life. And hey, we can always go back and be with them again in other movies and videos and clips. They’re not gone forever. Just for a little while.

❤ ❤ ❤

RIP Image - Mourning Review

I do not own this image, I found it here.

So, We’ve Got to Talk about Avengers: Infinity War | Film Review

April 27, 2018April 28, 2018 / RecoverytoWellness / Leave a comment

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Don’t read this post if you don’t want to know what happens in Avengers: Infinity War (2018)!

With that out of the way, I think it’s time I formally introduce you to the 2017 created film review thumb: (created before for at least three other films that haven’t made it from notes in my notebooks to completed blog posts (more so just half-written ones) put up online, so, basically, this has been a long time coming)

Okay, so technically, I have already eaten dinner, taken my night meds and filled my brain with thoughts external to the movie I just witnessed a few hours ago. With that being said, I’d like to return to the magic and the visual improbabilities of this wonderful, wonderful film. This will be part 1 of my film review of this movie as I think it will take me a little while (and multiple re-captured seeings of this film) to get out everything I want to say, and trust me, it’s quite a lot.

So the first theme?

Sacrifice.

Defined by Google (the almighty god of all things we have to search and scour the Internet for!) is:

an act of slaughtering an animal or person or surrendering a possession as an offering to God or to a divine or supernatural figure.

And additionally, from Merriam-Webster:

a : destruction or surrender of something for the sake of something else

b : something given up or lost

LOSS

There is a LOT of sacrificing interwoven into the multiple character’s lives in Avengers: Infinity War (part 1 may I add; part 2 will appear as early as May 2019, so guess who is gonna have to avoid the rogue buses in the future to stay alive and see THAT movie).

Again, this information and film review is as much to put my thoughts onto metaphorical paper (and even then, probably actual paper, too) as to work through everything that I just learned and everything I still hope for and cherish in all these characters–all these films of the last ten years (although I watched a few of the Iron Man films before, 2014 is really when I entered into these multiple universes) and everything that’s been working up to this very point in time.

There is SO much loss in this one film. All the rescued Asgardians that we saw through Thor: Ragnarok, (which I actually plan to film review next) my utmost favorite and inspiring character (although, probably not for the same reasons you’re thinking of) Loki who, after the Asgardian civilians, is the first (I think, if I’m remembering correctly) to die in this film–to the ashy disappearances of several of Earth’s (or should I say Midgard’s?) mightiest heroes.

Gosh, the visual effects in this film are just phenomenal. I really felt rooted in place, I wanted the narrative to continue unraveling before the credits rolled and the theater turned to brightness. I was invested! I AM invested. I want to know what happens next. Where did so many of the ashy disappearances go? Are they all somewhere together in the afterlife? Will Loki come back, somehow? (I know, probably a stretch but hey, a girl can hope!) Where is Tony Stark going to find food on that alien planet? Is he still going to get married to Pepper? How long or soon after did Nick Fury and Agent Hill disappear after Thanos collected all six of the infinity stones? Where is Tony Stark going to take a shit on that planet? Can he shit in his suit? Or would that just be too messy?

Where is everyone? Will they come back? Can I hope for a return of my fellow characters?

Why is 2019 so far away? Will we reminisce with our favorite heroes in the afterlife?
Does Thanos have the capacity to feel human emotions? What is he, really? How did he become who he is as we know him? Are his emotions and love for his “daughter” Gamora real or is it faked and manipulated, acted and a play to get to the audience’s feelings? ‘Cause I gotta say, I definitely was feeling for him! I could understand his perspective, he wanted, inherently, what was for the best for everyone in all the realms involved yet he went about it in a very, very genocidal way (which I cannot begin to condone!).

It appeared that he was capable of loving those who unwillingly chose to be in his presence and in his life (like Gamora) and he also had such a ruthlessness about him that he could simply wipe out several millions, if not billions, of people in his pursuit for absolute power.

Is power his true play? Or is he trying to fill the void within himself?

Was it worth it?

Child Gamora, in a vision that I took as being more for the audience’s understanding than what was happening in reality of the Marvel cinematic universe, asked Thanos, point blank, something along the lines of “What did you have to lose?”

And Thanos said, “Everything.”

And at the end of the day, sacrifices were made time and time again. Suicide was even brought up as a topic (of which I can only applaud the writer’s for to be bold enough to actually say the word and not shy away from saying it after implying it loads of times visually and through dialogue).

The biggest weight of the word and the world fell upon choosing to have the strength to sacrifice.

It came when Loki couldn’t stand to watch Thor be tortured by Thanos. It came when he seemed, at first, to be betraying Thor again with revealing the Tesseract only to stall Hulk’s arrival into Thanos as a punching bag. It came when Loki appeared to win over Thanos’ side and join forces with him, all while creating a knife behind his arm that he tried to kill Thanos with (maybe even a little naively and foolishly) before he was so cruelly and unfortunately strangled to death by Thanos’ mighty large purple hand.

Watching the blossoms of love between Tony and Pepper, Wanda Maximoff and Vision and the funny quips laden throughout the movie inspired hope and humanity within all the tragedy and questioning of the meaning of life and what everything meant if those you love couldn’t be around to live it and enjoy it WITH you, together.

The Asgardians, Loki, Heimdall (after he managed to summon enough magic to send Hulk back to Midgard to warn the others), Gamora (sacrificed for the soul stone by Thanos), Vision (a consequence of Doctor Strange giving up/sacrificing the lives of thousands for Tony Stark’s life–in essence, trading one life for the time infinity stone).

And then those who disappeared like ash: Nick Fury, Agent Hill, Black Panther, Bucky, Star Lord, Peter Parker, Groot, Drax, Doctor Strange, Wanda… Maybe Nebula (can’t quite remember though).

And Thanos, the center of them all, watching his sunset/sunrise maybe one last time in a peaceful land (which he can now manipulate reality with that infinity stone so it’s questionable if he’s actually there or if it’s just in his mind/for our visual purposes)… alone.

Was it worth it? All that loss. All that pain. Was it worth it?

Thanos tortured (Loki, first of all, and I think Bruce Banner realizes that when he reports to Doctor Strange, his magician assistant whose name I don’t remember, and Tony Stark that Thanos, the same guy who did the alien invasion in New York, was coming for Midgard to seal the fate of billions by collecting all six of the infinity stones) Nebula in order to get to Gamora (who knew where the soul stone was and requested to be executed by Star Lord (another blossoming love) before she would give up the answer to Thanos), Doctor Strange (in which Tony Stark and Peter Parker save by attacking Squidward so that he freezes in space after they blow a hole in the side of the spaceship (which, if Tony Stark and these other people like Thor and shit die in space like that (like Squidward did), why don’t they die and freeze on planets like Titan and others? Seems like a plot hole, to be honest. Double standards, even.)))

Thanos created all this death and destruction, to save the rest while sacrificing the few who stood in his way–but at the end of the day when he was alone, the question really remains: was it worth it? If you have no one to spend the day with, watching the sun rise or set and having all the power in the world to destroy and kill anyone you ever want whenever you want, is it worth it if you’re all alone?

That sounds like such a lonely endeavor, a worthless task.

And that drives the question–do our heroes get the final word? The final action? Will the second part of this movie end in triumph, happiness, love, life, moving on? Will there be light amidst all that darkness? Will there be worth within all that meaninglessness?

Will Thanos realize and decide for himself, the wielder of all those stones, that giving up and losing EVERYTHING really wasn’t worth any of it if he is to just perish as we all will, alone?

Thanos wanted the power of all beings, the control and the strength that that all meant, yet maybe he isn’t so strong–even when the prophecy states that he IS all powerful with all those stones–maybe, just maybe, he’s not. He cannot escape death. His time will come.

And if that means the end of all experiences, will he go out slowly or will he decide that living life alone even with all the power in the world won’t make him happy?
He likes Tony Stark. He appreciates him, in a way that is endearing, almost, and yet all the same totally in character with himself. He spares Tony’s life when Doctor Strange sacrifices the innocent lives of millions to trade Tony’s life for the time stone (something he was SO set against giving up before in the countless arguments he held with Tony). Tony was dying, sword stuffed in his side, spitting up blood, really not in good shape kind of dying, and it’s him who gets left behind when so sadly and tragically Peter disappears as ash into the wind, his last words being pleas to stay alive, wishes to BE someone, become something, torn away far too soon… In the rubble of planet Titan, Tony Stark sits, the light shining behind him as he thinks, thinks of plans, of solutions, of ways out, alone.

Is it as Doctor Strange imagined? He said he saw 14 million alternate universes with his magic–did he see that one? Did he see the one that played out on screen and did he know that that ONE that would have saved everyone was just a lie, a sham to get the others on the team to believe that they could be powerful enough to stop Thanos and his rule or did he lie that there was one universe where they succeeded in stopping Thanos to spare the thoughts and feelings of the others? Did he see himself disappearing? Was it painful? Do they meet each other again, in the afterlife? Devise some kind of plan to return to living, to fight further?

There was so much fighting. So much struggling, trying to stay alive, to live to see the next day–but to what end? For what purpose? To live to die? Isn’t that what we’re all just doing? Is this a larger metaphor of all of our most inane fears within us as humans (and how incredible we are as a species to create these magical, fictional worlds) that we may be forgotten one day, that all our work may turn to rubble and STILL despite KNOWING that one day we will all vanish we create, we make, we breed and we spread ourselves so far and wide so that SOMEONE out there knows who we are, who we were and what we had time to become because if we don’t, if we’re just forgotten, then what’s the POINT? Do we spread our names out into the world through text, video, photos–or do we hide in shame and fear inside our homes because the world out there really is that kind of scary? Because there do exist versions of Thanos in the world, our world, our true reality. And maybe, maybe there are actual aliens out there, far crueler and damaging than we could possibly imagine, maybe stronger and more sinister than Thanos (although, maybe not by much) and here we are, lost in our own struggles and problems on a revolving planet around the sun in a solar system we have yet to imagine could possibly exist.

Do we find light in the darkness because we just have to believe that the light will overcome the dark? Or can there be life where both exist?

So much of our lives involve darkness, pain, in some ways (and in some lives) torture. AND there also exists love, happiness, hope, light, beacons, inspiration. Beauty and ugly all wrapped into one experience. Laughter at the hurt and laughter at the joy. A balance, like the little knife filled with rubies that Thanos shows child Gamora to distract her from the slaughtering of her people as he shields her from that trauma (although she can still hear their screams).

Over and over, lives were sacrificed, loves were lost. Wanda had to kill Vision because there wasn’t enough time between (them as a couple honestly) and when Thanos arrived on Midgard to rewind time and kill Vision by taking the mind stone from his skull. I don’t think Vision suffered when Wanda was destroying the mind stone. It was hard to watch her get hit by Thanos when he rewinded time to steal the stone. And I liked and appreciated the irony and symbolism with the fact that Vision lost all color when he died and how his own vision (his eyes) was clouded completely, as though he had witnessed the cruelty of the world and been jaded by it (like Ultron had been). Natasha and Bruce shared an awkward moment. Pepper and Tony planned a maybe wedding. The Accords were referred back to. The team came together for a cause, for a mission. Iron Man and Bruce fought against Squidward and his other child spawn from Thanos. Gamora sacrificed innocent lives for Nebula to no longer be tortured. Loki gave his life to try and thwart Thanos’ path. Thor and the others had to witness such loss, so much death… Death upon death upon death rolled in like waves.

And all for the power to control everything. Yet is it possible that in controlling
everything you really control nothing? Having all six infinity stones meant that Thanos could simply snap his fingers and billions would be killed without him really having to do much of the work.

Loki, as he died, said that “You will never be a god” to Thanos. Thanos was no stranger to killing, he likely relished in a lot of it, but he did it with a purpose (however skewed that purpose was). He wanted people to be free–free from suffering, free from starvation, free from freedom itself (I just loved the references back to other films and doesn’t this sound like Loki in Avengers Assemble?) and he recognized that to help the majority you would have to sacrifice the minority. And so he boldly took those chances. He chose again and again to destroy and create chaos and havoc, to cause irreparable damage to billions of people (and even on the planet where Thor, Rocket and Groot made Thor’s new weapon the axe by Stormbreaker the dwarf who helped him said that Thanos had told him he would spare the lives of his dwarves if he handed over the gauntlet only to go back on his word and kill everyone except this one dwarf) with little regard and little care yet he can feel pain and loss from those who he chooses to aid? (Think Gamora, think Tony Stark).

I feel that this possibility, this humanity within all the monstrous and villainous purposes that is Thanos could appeal to his emotions in the next film. Maybe when he realizes that such responsibility and weight of the universe on your shoulders isn’t what it’s cracked up to be–not completely and definitely not when you’re all alone–maybe that is enough for him to take back what’s been done, maybe it’s enough to let people and creatures live their most meaningless lives and oversee what they do and how they feel with little interjection between them. Or maybe all things will end, as they would naturally do, and we just get to see it all play out before our eyes, incapable of saving these characters and their lives because they’re just products of actors and green screens and complicated technology both fictional and creatively, well, created.

I don’t know. And maybe that’s the point. I don’t know these answers, I didn’t even know I was going to wind up with nearly 3,000 words for this film review/thought exploration thing. But it’s there now. It’s here. And I’m likely still going to think and talk about it for ages, until I see it again and possibly one other time to really try and get the full picture (although I must say I did very well paying attention in the theaters today) and understanding and play-doh effect that these movies inspire in me.

I will not stop my lovely fanfictions! In this way, the characters will always live on. They may perish, and they have and they WILL, on the big screen, but there are thousands of us out there in this world who will write them, draw them, edit them into new stories, new beginnings, new lives, new blossoms of love and both more and less pain than what they’ve been through just now. In art nothing ever truly dies. Because there will be people out there who see this movie and who are inspired by it like myself to write a 3,000 word blog post about a passionate and intriguing topic.

Because this film is about life. And life features death. But in art, nothing ever truly dies because what we create lives on forever. Until the world blows up one day and wipes out everything we ever did or ever were. But even then, life finds a way.

Maybe there is light in the dark, and maybe we can learn to live with both polarizing extremes. I don’t know, it’s up to the viewer, I suppose. I hope that you enjoyed this if you’ve made it this far. I hope I didn’t spoil anything and you heeded my previous starting words in case you DID want to read about the movie yourself and come to terms with everything. The film ended in a very open-ended way, something I wanted the story to continue plowing through and unraveling in the next two hours (but didn’t happen, sadly–until next year that is!) and I feel I have far, far more closure on now. I feel almost rejuvenated, even though it’s nearly 9:30p and I’ve been writing this post for 2.5 hours straight through and about twenty minutes before that around 6p. I have a lot to worth with now, and I think I will take some explorations and inspirations from this film into my next few stories, fanfic in general and blog posts/articles–in all my art, really.

It’s strange, nearly 3,300 words in and I still find myself wanting to say more. I guess the more I can say will be covered in Ragnarok (in which I wholly appreciate all of the Loki-ness in it now) and probably for the next time when I see this movie. I’m still kind of in the disillusioned and dreamy state right now, still going over the details and almost trauma that happened in that film.

Fun fact: my flight, fight or freeze (or sympathetic nervous system) was activated twice in the theaters watching this film (when Loki died into Hulk and Iron Man fighting in New York and once somewhere else towards the end of the film that I only vaguely recall now) so much so that my legs were uncontrollably shaking (I imagined this is, since I heard about what a panic attack is today, what that would feel like) in my reclined position and I tried moving them around little by little but still found them moving on their own accord despite my protests). It makes sense, too, because our brains don’t know the difference between what’s happening in reality (our true reality) versus what is playing out on a big, large screen. Our brain is encoded to protect us from danger, real danger, and it’s activated in all these not dangerous scenarios like watching horror movies or action movies and when you get a nasty comment online and everything in you stands up (speaking of, Peter Parker totally sneaked onto that alien spaceship when he shouldn’t have (although he played a key role as an Avenger in it!)) and reacts. Oh, that reptilian brain.

Any who, THANK YOU FOR READING THROUGH ALL THESE NEARLY 3,600 WORDS. Seriously, you’re awesome. I hope my musings have triggered your own musings and we can muse together in the comments. Long awaited and long time coming film review. 😉 Stay safe, peeps and try not to get too anxious out there. ❤ ❤ ❤

PS I put this into my ‘artwork’ category to help myself when I get into fanfic stuff again soon to pull through and sort out concepts and shit. You get what I mean! Also, BACKGROUND song that I listened to on loop throughout this 2.5 hour writing: (which will be featured in May) “In my blood” by Shawn Mendes. That is all.

PPS Don’t know why but the spacing is all fucked up, sorry about that!

Rough Night | Film Review #1

June 16, 2017June 16, 2017 / RecoverytoWellness / Leave a comment

Hey everyone!

So, I’d like to start doing these things called film reviews on my blog, along with my book reviews. I also want to watch through seasons 1-8 of House and make a seasonal review of that, too (which will be a larger project over the course of this next year).

Technically while this will likely be the first PUBLISHED film review, it’s not actually the film that inspired this series. That film, Demolition, will be having its review within the next month. I will probably do them out of order as I’ve recently made a list of films to review and want to get them going and really, order doesn’t necessarily matter (it’s just an excuse I use to keep myself from working on these blogging projects and I’m getting tired of doing that, as it’s only kept me from updating and writing rather than getting it out and published).

Any who, there MIGHT be spoilers ahead so if you want to watch this film and NOT see my review, then well, don’t read this post, silly!!! (I lied, I don’t mention spoilers, BUT the comments section may include people who have seen the film in which I may engage in deeper discussion with them about it, so, for that section, you may want to avoid it if you still want to see this movie before reading about it!)

I will follow a similar style and format to my book reviews for these film reviews: A summary of the film, what film/year it is, reference to important characters, spoilers or non-spoilers may abound, anything that stuck out from me (depending on where I found/watched the film) and a recommendation score based on my audience (i.e. people with mental health conditions) from a scale of 1 to 10. 🙂 Let’s jump in!!

Film Review #1:

Rough Night (2017)

About My Experience Watching this Film:

So I’m about 99% sure this is the first movie I’ve gone out on my own, AKA alone, to see EVER. I heard on the radio that some people were thinking of this movie as a “chick flick”, I’d say it actually has a lot more substance than that! (Nothing against ‘chick flicks’).

It took me a little while to get into the movie, for me, it was hard to see Scarlett Johansson as her character (Jess) rather than herself. I’m not sure why, but Scarlett is a beautiful woman and her hairstyle in this film is so very striking (short) and she pulls it off SO well, maybe that’s why I was finding it a little difficult to see her as JESS and not herself. (Which is not to imply I’m a major fan of her which is also NOT to imply I’m not, just that I don’t know well enough about her to distinguish her from HER rather than the intricacies of the character she is playing…if that makes sense. What I mean to say is, although I’m not a major fan of hers to watch every interview or anything like that, though I am also familiar with some of her work (Lucy/the MCU), I can’t quite explain why I saw her as herself in a character she was playing as I don’t know who she really is beyond some handful of roles and characters she’s played. You know what, never mind.)

Off the tangent! If you can get past the initial sex/dick jokes and the outstanding amount of substance use in this film (see trigger warnings down below) which, in some ways, normalizes the idea of substance use, glamorizes it and puts across the idea that in order to have fun one can only be wasted/high to do so (let alone plan appropriate next actions, or should I say, inappropriate next actions)–all of that considered, I rate it pretty well, still!

The basic summary without giving away the details of the plot (which I found to be unexpected and why I do NOT consider this a ‘chick flick’ and why describing it as such hides the humor, friendship, triumphant love and nay say against procrastination in life) is that it’s about 5 old college friends who meet up again for the weekend to have a fun time with Jess who is about to be getting married some time in the near future. They go out to have fun and have a–you guessed it–rough night to say the least!

If you’ve also seen this film and want to talk about it in the COMMENTS section, let’s do it! Otherwise, I’d prefer to NOT give anything further away which is pretty much the rest of the whole plot, which there is a lot of.

I WILL say that I totes called it from the start of how things were going to go. Maybe that makes it predictable, I’d say it makes me badass. (I’m still very novice at understanding the intricacies and complications of films and so for me to anticipate what was going to happen is a HUGE accomplishment ;))

Trigger Warnings:

Substance use and a LOT of it (alcohol, Adderall, cocaine, meth)
Sex worker/sex/penis jokes (and paraphernalia)

PS There’s an activism character and LGBTQA+ stuff too, which I enjoyed, naturally 😉

Themes in the film:

How to maintain longstanding friendships, especially after college, and how things are inevitably going to change and unless you change with them, expect some bridges and connections to fall away to the wayside
As people change secrets start to form by accident or on purpose. Maybe there is some acceptance of this that needs to be taken place?
Keep track of your priorities: Make time for your roots/where you came from and who brought you up when you get high up on the ladder of life.
How love withstands, and friendship too
Near death experiences can change us, we hope it’s for the better
Don’t procrastinate, we’re not giving a set amount of living time.

My Recommendation Score:

With everything I’ve stated considered, I rate this a:

8 out of 10 movie.

I hope you enjoyed my first ever film review!! I’ll be adding the category tab to the bottom of my blog page soon! (Once I remember to do it again). I’ll have more posts up and ready this weekend, including some SHOPPING that I did :D)

Thank you so much for reading!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

Let me know what you’d like to see from me next! 😀

[…] To see a post I made a few years ago about The Void, find it here. […]

Awww, that is so sweet of you to say and what a fabulous word, as well!!! I like that a…

Ooooooo, that sounds super awesome and fascinating!!! Hopefully it'll get done and come out soon! Based on my very short…

Thanks for your Iron Man review. You are industrious, for sure.

Its like you read my mind! You appear to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in…

RecoverytoWellness

Where Survivors Radiate Badassery

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Rough Night | Film Review #1

Film Review #1:

Rough Night (2017)

8 out of 10 movie.

My Experiences With “Thor: Love and Thunder” (2022)

8.5/10

6/10

8/10

5/5

6.5/10

“Jane Goodall: The Hope” (2020)

“If we lose hope then we must all give up if we think there’s no way forward…We mustn’t let [that] happen.”

“My job is to go around and inspire people to take action”

“Every person matters. And every animal does too. But every person makes some impact on the planet every single day and we get to choose what sort of difference we make”

“…I truly believe it’s only when head and heart work in harmony that we can achieve our true human potential”

“If you don’t talk to people how can you ever expect them to change?”

“Don’t be confrontational: reach people’s hearts to change their minds. Don’t do something because you want the honor and glory of it”

How anger with the rest of the world sparked Goodall’s passion.

8/10

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***SPOILER WARNING***

***WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD***

Film Review #1:

Rough Night (2017)

8 out of 10 movie.

SPOILER WARNING

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD