You Don’t Have Lived Experience Being a Serial Killer–So You Shouldn’t Write About One | Creativity Discussion

I’m feeling pretty agitated. Focused. Annoyed. Distraught. Forgiveless. Oh, I mean, of course: unforgiving. I just single-handedly obliterated my own therapy session from some BS online and so I’m just feeling at a loss. But I have a platform, like Agatha does as well, and I’m going to use that platform now because this comment has been bothering me for months (and it’s SUCH a good comeback, I think) that I’ll never get to properly utilize and all that jazz. So, I’m angry and I want to talk about this key point:

“If you haven’t lived through X, you cannot write creatively about it.”

So, Agatha isn’t their real name of course. And who they are will remain anonymous because it’s not even about them necessarily. I can have my own thoughts and some things don’t need to populate as they already do on the Internet.

Here’s what’s relevant:

Empathy exists but at the same time does not. At all.

And this notion that unless you’ve BEEN THROUGH something (let’s say, mental health struggles (as broad of a term as that is): substance use disorders, personality disorders, psychosis, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm, suicidality, homicidality, on and on–) you CANNOT or worse, SHOULD NOT (NEVER EVER) write about it because… well, I don’t know why you can’t.

But this really has been bothering me. Essentially we’re saying:

“You can’t write fictitiously about a serial killer unless you’ve BEEN a serial killer.”

“You can’t write about time travelers because TRUE time travelers would be offended and irked that you wrote about them so incorrectly.”

“You can’t write about completed suicides because you’ve NEVER BEEN a completed suicider (because how could you if you’re writing about it?)”

“You don’t KNOW because you haven’t LIVED through it!”

Do we see–can we ALL agree–that this notion, this concept, makes very, very little sense?

Can I not write about vampires and unicorns (hopefully separately, nudge nudge) because genuine vampires and unicorns may not agree with the way I convey them? Is this so inherently wrong–that writing about something you have not lived through, you don’t have actual experience in, things you could never (mermaids, fantasy, dragons, queens, kings, war, magic, creatures) and things you just haven’t (sickness, cancer, suicide, homicide, being an actual detective, being a medical doctor, historical fiction, being a prisoner of war, being a veteran, living through depression, and on and on) that that somehow means you could NEVER, SHOULD NEVER write about it?

That not educating yourself on the topic, to researching it, to finding that you could convey something so HUMAN, so natural, so beautiful and meaningful and hell, maybe even some form of relatable, is something you should not do, never do, because… because… because some people, and there will clearly be people, who can’t relate or don’t feel reflected in the categorization of your characters and your plot and your ideas?

That because one person, or five hundred, can’t relate and don’t feel adequately seen or heard, you should, as the writer, just never try to write about things that you may have never or just have not experienced firsthand?

What happened to empathy? What HAS happened to empathy? And why is that not enough?

 

I just don’t understand. I mean, yes, I understand that not everyone will feel represented so fully and wholly and completely based on just one person’s experiences. That’s true. That’s valid. I just… I can’t believe that because my experiences are my own (and not of those I write about) and no one will ever fully know what my experiences are (they are mine for a reason), that that is somehow an indication or warning sign that everyone else out in the world with imagination, empathy, understanding, willingness to be educated and bring forth more creativity and knowledge than I could even see in my situation because it is mine and I’m blinded to it–to even think of proposing to them “No, you can’t write about THIS because you have no experience with it.” Or, “because you haven’t experienced like THIS you can’t write about it. Because you’re THAT not THIS.” As if it were ever truly your choice.

 

No one on this earth will exactly experience the same event in the same exact way. That’s what makes us human. Our perception is everything but not everything. It shapes us and how we see things–and how WE CHOOSE to react back to it, that’s up to us. And some people are more aware of this than others. And some people will never get it. It’s true. But for those who are curious, who are willing, who are feeling–maybe we should do less judging of them and how they go about their research and their feelings to not cut them out from a full experience of life and the lives they can write about so flawlessly, so believably that we don’t have to question it, whether it’s true or not, whether it’s been lived through or not, maybe we can let those writers feel and experience and engage with the world in a form of art that other people, that maybe some people may not feel heard or seen, but others, maybe they will.

 

I think it’s naive and silly (and silly doesn’t have to be bad, inherently) to police what people can and cannot create and for not having lived it to be a huge indication of what can or cannot be written about. Will it reflect everyone’s experiences? No. There will be differences. Maybe accepting those flaws, those inherent cracks, those demented dimensions, maybe the fact that some people, maybe even a lot of people if you’re lucky, will understand, and will feel seen and heard and uplifted, maybe it’s for those and mainly only those that we write for. Because we have stories to tell. And stories to heal. And stories to begin.

Maybe that’s what it’s all for.

 

What are your thoughts? Where do you fall on this line? What determines something to have art and value and purpose? Or is it all just a waste of time to twiddle our thumbs and feel absurd connections to others that exist until we all become dust again and the world is obliterated into oblivion? Or is there something here? Something worth exploring? No matter how much time we have left?

 

As for Agatha: Please don’t make puppet accounts to come after me. Your identity is safe with me. And if we can agree to go our separate ways and do our separate things, that will be all I ask for. I hope you feel better one day. I hope that Life gives you more than it has.

 

As always, be safe, my friends. And be kind. And wonder and ponder and question. Question it all. Because maybe we’re bound to find some very interesting answers….

 

Until next time. xxx

💙💜💚💛

PS Do you like that I made this thumb on Canva JUST for this post? Ahaha. First time I have in months. Next posts will be book reviews, once I can finally get them done!! XX

What are your favorite quotes? | #mentalhealthrecovery #hereforyou

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Hi again!

This post is going to be really short as I just downloaded some new music to my iPod for half an hour and I have to go into work very, very soon. I’m a little intimidated because I have Clinicals today, a diabetic training and a program meeting then soon after (I may get half an hour to five minutes to myself) I start my 8 hour shift. Luckily, I’ll get paid for all that time and clocked in before then but I’m not sure what cottage I’ll be in or how the shift will go, but I’m toying with an idea for a group with the little kids and trying to take charge a little more and be more present.

Any who, I thought this idea would be interesting!

I remember years ago I linked mental health related quotes on my blog and that went well so I’m thinking maybe on Friday this week I’ll do another updated round of that. I have a few books I can also refer to about it (both mindfulness books, one new!) as well as just images and quotes and even some original Canva creations that I can do about all of them/that, so I’m excited!

So, down below, share in a comment or a tweet with me or a DM what your favorite quotes are? What are your favorite jars of inspiration? Motivation? Recovery? Goals? Dreams? And then we shall see what we all come up with by the end of this week!!!

Sending light, love and an infinite supply of rainbow lighthouses.

All the best,

— Raquel

xxxx

🌈🌞🌠💚💚💚

I’m Tired of The Void

Just made this thumb for this post, 9.2.20

What exactly IS “The Void?”

I’m glad you asked!

(Although, this is The Void we’re talking about so you probably didn’t 😉 )

I’ve used this term, “The Void”, much lately, mainly on Twitter but on Youtube and the like, too. I’m pretty sure I’ve blogged about it or complained somewhere online about it before.

Basically, to me, The Void is:

• • Feeling like you’re talking to blank air
  • Feeling like you’re talking to a brick wall
  • Feeling like you’re talking to the Grand Expanse of the Universe except it never returns your calls and never gives you any ounce of recognition that it’s noticed you
  • It’s feeling alone when no one else around you seems to notice
  • It’s rifling between wanting to advocate for yourself and just bearing your teeth and getting through it
  • It’s trying, and failing, to create some type of online community. Whether the mission is to get ass-pats or constructive criticism, you’re no longer sure. Whether you’re looking for something that the Internet cannot, could not or should not, give you because for whatever reason you keep coming back to it and your real life is nonexistent since you spend so much time searching outside yourself for something only you can give yourself within and in real time.
  • It’s seeing other people manage communities online when you’re just having no attention
  • It’s hating that you need attention, that you WANT attention, you want recognition and you’re tired
  • You’re so, so tired of having to put in the effort, the time, the connection, the experience, the work, the avenues. You’re just tired. Too tired. And it never ends. It never freaking ends.
  • The Void is talking to no one that’s actually there. Feeling lost and confused and wanting to deactivate accounts just so SOMEBODY will say something, anything.
  • The Void is creating and creating and creating but for WHAT purpose? If no one sees it, no one acknowledges its existence, does it even really matter?
  • The Void is quiet. Very, very quiet.
  • And yet The Void remembers. One day, whatever you posted online will come back to haunt you, so make sure it’s something good and okay.
  • The Void sucks ass.

 

I hate The Void with a passion. I’m tired of working for it. I’m tired of putting in some effort, to become drained, to become busy, to become consumed with SOMETHING else and then hitting another bump in the road only for my car to spin out and no one to come to my side again. I hate making things for no one to watch. For no one to see. No one to notice. I don’t know when it became about other people, and I hate it, but it did. I get so few interaction and even when I DO, because sometimes I DO, it never measures up. It’s never enough. It’s timed, it has its own expiration date, and it comes too soon, too close, only to be snatched away again.

I don’t know what I’m searching for. Searching outside myself for. But I’m not getting it. I’m not getting it and it’s not lasting and it leaves me (leads me?) back into The Void again and I’m so tired of it.

Why share the story if no one is going to read it?

 

 

I don’t know. I don’t have any answers. The Void sucks up my creativity and I’ve returned to another week devoid of writing vibes. I can’t write fanfic right now and while I have been doing my weekly poetry, I’m terribly behind in posts. Maybe I need to re-evaluate. Maybe I need to be more honest with myself. Because I think I want popularity, I think I want what I can’t necessarily have, not something that’s going to come easily. Something that’s going to take a lot out of me and even then, it may not be enough.

So I’m tired. I’m tired and I’ve tried. And yet here I am, talking to The Void again.

 

 

But maybe it’s okay.

Because I know The Void won’t answer back. One of the few good things about The Void is that no one is gonna leave you hate comments or trolling comments because they don’t even know you exist in the first place!

Sigh.

Welp, that’s it. That’s the post.

 

 

 

In the end, to me, The Void is people seeing, observing, noticing, and never saying anything. Maybe I’m craving interaction more now than ever before but I’m not getting it. And it’s frustrating. It feels like I’ll never receive it again. It feels like it’ll always be this quiet. So, so quiet.

But then, I guess it does start with me. Maybe if I interact more, and do more again and in a timely fashion (hah!) then maybe the interaction, the people will come to me.

…..Maybe only for them to leave again.

Maybe only to hit another lull in followers, in comments, in likes, in re-postings. Maybe once you enter The Void, you don’t come back out the same on the other side. Maybe there is no Void, maybe it’s all just an illusion. People lurk, people see, they don’t always say something. Maybe The Void is there for you to question what you want and then go about changing your perspective to match it. Maybe The Void is there to help.

But it hurts.

It just hurts.

 

 

 

And maybe what’s painful is a sign that something else needs to change. But just what that is…. I don’t think I’ll ever know. </3

Mood music: “Hold On” by Chord Overstreet; Editing: my spacings are getting all kinds of fucked up. Grrrrr

#SummerComer #PoetryChallenge | Rules and Entry #1: (Thanks) To the Music in Her Soul

Welcome to the #SummerComer thumb and blog post poetry challenge!! All photographs by me and the thumb itself was made on the ever so lovely Canva! 🙂

Why, hello there!!!

Welcome back to another blog post on my WordPress account! 😀 This one is especially nice as I’m bringing to you all an idea that I got inspired by this author’s blog post (Jason A Muckley) which was also inspired by this author’s blog post (Brooke Cutler) .

Basically (and I had to switch back to the Classic Editor I know and love because the top bar was missing in the new block editor and I have no idea how to get it back nor do I have the patience for that level of fuckery right now, PLUS we just temporarily lost power so now I feel like I’m racing against the clock, ahahha, sad.) I will layout the outline of each of their respective challenges here:

1. Brooke’s challenge was to come up with a new poem every day in May using the word “darling”
2. Jason was then inspired to create his own type of challenge. His involves (and you should totally check them both out, by the way!) writing a new poem every day from May 10th (Mother’s Day) until June 20 (first day of summer) all about summer themed activities and going-on’s. He then came up with a hashtag for the event calling it #FunInTheSun

Now here’s where I come in:

My challenge, inspired by Jason’s, is to create a new poem each week (just one!) starting from this week (originally yesterday, but today is still the first week for me, I’m going on the assumption that Sunday’s are the starts of the week rather than Monday’s) May 22nd 2020 — September 4th 2020 where the theme will be summer but a little looser so it can apply to other topics or happenings that relate beyond summer itself. 🙂 I am calling this series: #SummerComer

So, essentially, I’m going to be doing a creative poem each week starting now until the start of September! Whoooo!!!

If you have any ideas or prompts or things YOU’D like to see me cover, leave them all down below! The layout for this series is as follows:

• each post will start with the thumb above
• each poem will be individually titled and labeled by the entry number in both the piece itself (at the end) and in the title
• each post will include any background music used to “set the mood”. I may sometimes use the Calm App, potentially, and will credit that as sees fit.

That said, here is this week’s first poem:

 

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(Thanks) To the Music in Her Soul

 

She heard the lyrics

Of the song within her soul,

Heard the pitch,

Heard the beat,

As she strolled along the shore.

 

She swayed her hips,

Rounded and pure,

Her shoulders knocking back

Moving with the music.

 

She wore a peaceful smile

Upon her full cheeks,

And the pink lip gloss

On her lips

Sparkled in the setting sun.

 

She was aglow with light,

As it wafted down from the large,

Fluffy white clouds.

 

It parted through the shadows locked

Behind her brown eyes,

And it swept away the doubts

And insecurities that would cling to her skin

Late at night.

 

It washed over her like the waves

Lapping at her bare feet,

Chilly in the summer wind

Yet comforting all the same.

 

The scent of the ocean

Flocked over her,

And she dared to break out into song,

Verbalizing the words that had haunted

Her dreams for days.

 

She did this,

Serenely,

As the sun departed behind the hills

Far, far away

As the beach was empty save for a few

Passing gulls

 

And when she left that day,

When she, too, departed from the world,

She did so with a blissful heart

And a song that felt richer

Than it had ever been before.

 

(Technical information about the poem:

Entry #1: #SummerComer

Written: 5/23/20

Background music: “Happier” by Marshmello ft. Bastille)

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Annnnnd, that’s it!! Thank you so much for reading!! I hope that this can be something neat to look forward to each week on this blog and that you can be inspired in some way by it and hell, maybe someone else will be inspired and continue the challenge-inception spiral! Ahaha.

I will have more blog posts coming in the future.

Thanks again!!

Best! ❤ ❤ ❤ xxx

Join Me in a National Day of Hope | #NAMIWalksYourWay Virtual Event

Join me on my Youtube channel on this date/time slot and we’ll have some fun!! See more information in this post down below! ❤ xxx Thumb revamped 5/14/2020

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Hello and welcome back to my blog!!!

I have some exciting news to share with you all today, and I apologize for the fact that this post is coming at you guys a bit later than I had originally planned. I’ve been wanting to share this for over a week, but this past week has been tough for me mentally as I’ve been struggling with some ruthless depressive symptoms.

I’ve been sleeping A LOT more than usual (as opposed to last week where I was awake throughout the day, motivated a lot of the time, creativity was pouring out of me and I was interacting with other blogs and writing up a bunch of posts too) and have just been face to face with a lot of lack of motivation, lack of energy and lack of overall interest. Today and yesterday I’m beginning to come out of it, oscillating back and forth if nothing else, and I’m trying to make the most out of it in the best way I know how.

So, really, what I had to do was revamp this blog post! Something new, something fresh, something without old tied knots of forgotten wishes and dried up dreams, something that wasn’t attached to old feelings and past regrets, something refreshing and spontaneous mixed in with creativity and fun colors!

Thus, here we are. ❤

I am running my OWN TEAM that YOU can join here:

RecoverytoWellness Beacons Team Page

If you would like further information on who I am, what I’m about and more of my own story, you can check out my individual page here and donate either to my singular page or donate to the team page itself:

My Participant Page

Either way, ALL the money raised is going DIRECTLY to NAMI Massachusetts. I will get 0% of the money I gather, so just remember that! If you want to donate, please do, or if you can spread around the message, that works too. If you’d like to join my team, feel free to sign up, or if you’d rather join or donate to other people’s teams/pages, you can do that, too!

Ultimately, the NAMI Walks Your Way MA event is going virtual this year because of the state of the world and the pandemic which opens up the ways we can all participate in this national day of raising mental health awareness for the variety of conditions that encompasses by spreading hope, fun and light to topics society so very often wants us to hide and be ashamed of.

This is OUR DAY to make a difference, our day to celebrate each other and all of our successes, celebrate our triumphs and celebrate one another. I am very excited for it!

I still have yet to completely decide if I want to take up more of the day (Saturday May 30th 2020) for the event by calling off my work shift at Amaryllis or if I want to still attend work that day after the event (which is why I’ve tentatively named the event occurring for me between 11:00a and 1:30p EST).

That’s actually, probably, important:

This event is running from 11a – 1:30p EST

I will be doing a:

Youtube Live Stream on my channel (RecoverytoWellness)

on the day of the walk, to help spread mental health awareness, share my recovery story, ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS YOU HAVE, and share artwork that I will be creating during that time.

I am thinking I will do:

– Some origami (from watching tutorials on my iPod)

– Some painting/water coloring (new pieces or old, possibly)

– Some coloring

– Some creative writing or journaling if the Muse participates willingly

– Some photography or outside time (depending on the weather!)

– Some scrapbooking

– Beaded bracelets

– and possibly a little more!!

 

RecoveryRaquel is my Twitter handle; RecoverytoWellness is my WordPress and Youtube channel!

I would like for you to send me in some of your questions, ideas, topics or things you’d like to see me discuss! I can talk freely about my journey and what treatment has been like for me and why advocacy is such a big part of where I am, where I’ve been and where I’m going!

But first,

I need you to share this post! I need you to spread the word as LARGE and FAR as possible! Share on social media, donate even the smallest bit to my page for the NAMI Walk, interact with me, leave me your thoughts and questions, and be there with me during the support of the walk on Saturday, May 30th 2020 11:00a-1:30p EST!!

My personal page’s goal was to reach $175 and my team’s page goal is to reach $250, which we’re NEARLY there at so far being at $200. I put in some money towards the cause, myself, too. I will probably talk more about NAMI and how it’s supported me in my recovery, life and advocacy on the day of the walk, too. We are so close to reaching our goal and I KNOW we can do it!! If you donate at all, I will send you a personalized thank you message! Just leave me your contact info or email me at my public email address (which you can connect through my Contact page here on WordPress) or more simply at this email:

recoverytowellness@hotmail.com

All right, that is it for this post! If you have any further questions, comments or concerns, you know where to find me! Have an amazing May day and I hope to see you around again.

Thanks a bunch!!!!

❤ ❤ ❤ xxx

All thumbs in this post were made with the love and care of Canva. Thank you!! ❤

Welcome to My Tracking Systems Reception! | Part 1

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Why hello there young Reader, and don’t you worry by the title because you don’t have to go very far!! I am bringing this special reception to YOU on this post, on my blog. My hope is that this post will inspire you in some manner or give you some further insight into how I do things to help track my moods, thoughts and behaviors many times daily, and some weekly, or at least to get some kind of daily/weekly blend that turns monthly, even, too.

So, sit back and enjoy the sights because this is the first time I’ve done photography in a very long time and it’s to show you guys all of my tracking objects with some examples tossed into the mix, too. A beautiful blend of narration (so to speak!) and photo visualization. Welcome aboard!! And, if you’re so kind, please leave me a comment at  the end of what step was YOUR favorite or what you’d like to see from me next or what type of tracking and engagement you do in your own life!

Let’s begin!!

**As of working on this post into the evening of May 7th, I’ve decided to section it off into 3 parts because there are 9 tracking systems so this will end the first part today and over the next two weeks I’ll write up and publish the last two parts. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and hopefully you enjoy this read! 😀 I’ll see you at the end. ❤

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OBJECT #1:

Calm the Chaos Journal

Photo taken by me on May 7th 2020. ❤ I used my new large origami paper for the background. I tried to be fancy for these photos and got to use/share my paper stars, too!! Something to feast your eyes and look forwards to ahead from here! 🙂

Began: January 2020

From: My individual therapist from my day program, Passages. She wrote this note at the start of it:

Contents & Set-Up: This journal begins with a necessary and optimistic promise of what the reasoning and meaning and purpose is lay hidden behind the idea and notoriety of this particular form of journaling. It’s a great journal to set about self-care goals and an assessment of the present day through a multitude of factors, with well-fitting spaces to write in, and a goal section for the following day ahead. The prompts are scattered well enough that it never becomes monotonous in the daily grind.

For instance, I will have photos in the visualization section for you all to get a sense of the journal, as well as laying it out deliberately and expertly here in written form.

On the “Today…” section there are questions regarding how self-care was performed by the Writer: sleep, bodily movement, something fun or pleasurable just for the Writer, taking time for meditation or reflection, ate nourishing food, went outside for fresh air and other.

Continuing on this section, is an act of kindness performed for someone else, the most memorable moment of the day for the Writer, and a small gratitude for the day.

On the “Tomorrow…” section there are 15 varying prompts that change every 5 days. Some of this variety may be seen in the photographs below. They are different little sections prompting: what goals you have for the day ahead, courageous conversations that need to be had, things to let go of, priorities, intentions, to-do’s, the day’s purpose, guiding mantras, etc.

Visualization Examples:

Snapshot from early January 2020.

Mid-February.

Most recent, from last night.

 

How Much is Left: 1 Week’s worth of entries

This journal is made by: Nicola Ries Taggart

Estimated Price: $15.00

My Pitfalls: As with this object and many of my other Tracking Systems, I fell off tracking between the entirety of March, half of February and some of April 2020. I was able to restart from the present day rather than trying to go back and fill in old entries (meaning, if my last entry was 2/27, and I fell off until March 8th, I began again just onwards from March 8th). Sometimes if I was only a day behind I made the notation: “nd for next day” and carried on from there. So with my falling behind I wrote in it for the months of Jan (almost each day completely save for 3 days I missed), half of Feb, the end of March, half of April and all of May.

My Recommendation Score:

If you’re someone who wants to improve their level of self-care practices and be motivated and inspired to handle this level of tracking, I’d highly recommend it, if for little else than prioritizing the day ahead, embracing the successes of the day itself, and for a reference point/snapshot of the past to look back on and improve or replicate into the future.

My score?

7/10

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OBJECT #2:

“Stay Magical” ~Daily Goal System

A great sized stationery pad of goal setting wizardry!

Began: ~April 20th 2020

(A couple sheets covered multiple days for reading goals)

From: TJ Maxx

Setup: So at the very top of the pad of paper is the phrase “Stay Magical” with stars in a silvery rainbow surrounding it. At the middle of the bottom edge of the page is a white unicorn with rainbow hair (always nice). The first left box says “Your Dream Goal”, the bottom left says “Reach for the Stars” and the whole lined with boxes right side says “Make your wishes come true” with the ability for you to effectively check off steps as they are accomplished. 😀

Visualization Examples:

This is today’s goal which is a lot more complicated and multi-faceted than most of my others. Some of the ones I’ve had include reading goals with set measurements (say 1/2 way through or read 20 pages) or have a good day at work by X means.

In this example I have said that I wanted to interact with blogging as well as do blogging which is a check for having been done. Read a book (not yet), and complete laundry (which I forgot about again).

In the other two sections I wrote little reminders to myself to help ease the transition of all the work I needed to do today or at least tried to do today and then on the right I added a general intention for my to-do’s.

How Much is Left: Just began; 80 sheets total, about 70 left.

Estimated Price: $5.00

Why Utilized? I began to utilize this new function when I created or recreated my Motivational Binder. In it I have a bunch of other tracking systems and it helped me to get my mind around factors I was trying to get back into, probably not surprisingly was returning and, in many ways, revamping my Tracking Processes. I started to do it the night before for the day ahead as a way to pronounce what I’d like to do the next day as per the encouragement and idea from my therapist, June. So, that’s what I’ve relatively been regularly doing, with some missed days here and there or goals that cannot quite be completed all at once or require a few extra days and ongoing maintenance to accomplish. 🙂

Pitfalls: Making more than one goal on it is a lot trickier to manage. I think I temporarily lost the reading one I had, that specific sheet, somewhere and now I can’t find it or figure out if it was the same one I found in the binder jacket or if it was an additional reading one. Damn. Also, sometimes it gets a little overwhelming or I miss tracking in other ways particularly on nights where I return home from work at Amaryllis. That is hard, too. I like to hand them up onto my whiteboard to pull it down again when I start my day and this helps, mentally, a bit, too.

Adding them to my Motivational Binder gets a little backlogged too because I have to hole punch them so I have a bunch at the moment that are loose and not yet inside my binder. 😛 However, it’s also the first working list/stationery pad that I’m utilizing more often than letting them sit in a box somewhere else in my room, ahaha.

My Recommendation Score:

7/10

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OBJECT #3: (Final piece for today’s post, see adjusted title as this is now a 3 part series!!)

My Journal

This is my current journal, it has a sparkly, glitter-y mess with bokeh and the phrase “Sparkle On” in script font. It took me forever to decide if I wanted to start the year with this one or a space panda or another journal from the stack I have in my room, ahaha.

Began: January 30th 2020

From: 120 sheet journal from Michael’s

Set-Up: This is a blank lined journal with a gray bookmark page holder. This is my first complete journal for the year 2020, with part of last year, maybe about 6 months worth fitted into my last journal. I do my best to complete this journal’s entries daily.

I write my therapy notes in this journal, I write my group notes from program in it, any time I need to make a little pro’s/con’s sheet, visualize something I need to work on and most often, about my day.

So I have this system within my systems of SotD’s which are Scores of the Day. On a scale of 0 to 10 I rate if my day was really shit and pants as a 0 (barely ever happens) and 10 being like upscale amazing, so good that I’m seeing rainbows and unicorns everywhere (which I have made a few times!!).

On average, I score an 8.

I decide these numbers based on my gut reaction to the question of how my day went. If the number 7 shows up more than 8, I write 7, or if I’m conflicted I’ll do a decimal point system (7.5 etc.).

Additionally, I hallmark this type of tracking the most in my planner–something I actually don’t think I’ve shared in a blog post before, at least the one that I’ve been using for 2019-2020. I have my 2020-2021 that will also be in a video soon but yeah, maybe I’ll include either a link or a photo to it when I get to that part of this blog post series (which is not today).

Anywho, back to the journal! I, OFFICIALLY, begin my journal with the day of the week, the month, day and year and then the time that I began writing. Then I move down and do my SotD and then I use these notations: TA for Today’s Accomplishments (sometimes, if I’ve fallen behind I’ll use YA for Yesterday’s Accomplishments or if it’s been a significantly long time from having fallen behind then I’ll just put the date of that day near it) and proceed in number format to write out my accomplishments and sometimes, although I’ve mostly discontinued it for the time being, I wrote out TN for Today’s Notes, like other thoughts or things to remind myself of from that day that don’t fit in as accomplishments. Phew! That was a lot, right?

Visualization Examples:

Photo taken in May of 2020 of a day from April 2020.

And another little glimpse of me just saying stuff at the very end of the journal entry:

I was particularly chatty at the end of this entry and feeling high maintenance for my tracking is just top-notch and a very me thing to happen. Ahaha.

How Much is Left: More than half.

Estimated Price: $5.00

Why Utilized? The best reason I have for doing this system is to keep and maintain, ideally daily, weekly then turning into monthly, a record of how I am doing. There’s something nice about quantifying an experience and getting out thoughts and feelings and, hell, sometimes behaviors, by tracking it down and looking back on it later.

True, I haven’t gotten to the part where I can look back on my journals and my writings and the things that come out of my skull and into my fingers and onto ink on paper, but, the biggest motivation I have behind it is to learn from what I wrote, have the power of perspective and to eventually, one day I SWEAR, make weekly catalogued video posts about them all. I don’t know, I just find it so fascinating to have a daily catalogue of my thoughts and how things were going and I think it really helps to mold my day together because if I don’t it’s almost like it didn’t happen, you know?

I want to film videos about them in the future, I still haven’t done it YET but I look forward to it. I wonder how I would structure that… hmm, I’d have to fiddle with it first,  I think. Maybe I’ll journal about it tonight, ahaha.

And in a lot of ways, this is like my handwritten journal that I can take stock of what I did that day, from the little accomplishments to the big ones, and it creates a record of some kind, maybe a little monotonous and needless to some people’s eyes but still a record all the same (although I don’t know how it would help anyone else out there, unless they wanted to visit my mind and what I valued in that day, ahaha). And in that record I can utilize all the things that I did even online that day that go into the log. 😀

Pitfalls: High-maintenance. It requires daily entries, me setting aside that time to do so, looking at my planner and my day and how/what I did hour by hour, scanned hour by hour more so, and what I’m thinking in that moment and just cataloguing my thoughts. Then if I get behind for a few days I have to go back and either skip them (which I hate doing) or just list them late and fill them in (which I try to do instead and will have to do over multiple mediums for this week). I personally like to start new days as new headings at the top and won’t fudge the timing very much if at all. Besides being somewhat high-maintenance though it does rely quite a bit on other tracking forms being completed so if I haven’t done that in multiple objects, then things get even shakier. Luckily this doesn’t happen TOO frequently.*

My Recommendation Score:

9/10

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*To be honest, I’ve gotten so used to my tracking systems, some that I’ve been doing for over 2 years, that it really is just part of my regimen before I go to sleep at night. Some things will come and go, that’s for sure, journals especially, but overall it helps me. If not in the present moment then definitely as a reference point back in time or a future video or content creation later on, hence this blog post, to be honest.

So what do my other tracking objects consist of?

Well, you’ll have to wait and see…

 

 

Nah, I’ll tell ya!

But I’ll tell you in CODE! :O (If you know my tweets you may know these answers sooner)

P, ST, DC, 5YJ, H., M., RB: this last one is only weekly–so it only slightly counts and doesn’t make up the main 9 that I use (it’s also new!).

Above all though, thank you SO MUCH for reading.

I hope that you enjoyed this post and got some further insight into my mind and if nothing else, what works for ME! Going forwards I do see myself incorporating new tasks into my regimen or daily/weekly cataloguing. (Think bullet journal and I’m Awesome, Here’s Why journal, which I JUST got).

Thanks again!!!!

What do you do for tracking, if anything at all? How does it make you feel and what works best in your system? Has this post at all encouraged or inspired you in creating or adding to your system? Let me know! 😀

 

xxx ❤ ❤ ❤

PS Who wants to bet that Twitter fucks up my main image for this post? XD

PPS You can also bet that tonight I’ll be jotting down the way I structured this post for future reference into the next week’s parts! ^_^

Discussing My 4 Projects At Length. This post: Recovery Restoration (2017).

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It’s been a full week since I last worked on and spoke about my projects either behind the scenes or online on Twitter, but I think it’s time now to really delve into everything that I want to do with these four main projects, as defined above! So, let’s jump in, shall we?

PS Stay until the end to see my new business cards that I created and ordered from the super lovely graphic design website Canva (that I also use for all my Youtube and blog thumbs!)

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Project 1: Recovery Restoration (born 2017)

You guys may remember, if you’ve been following me since 2017 or so, the start of this thumb. I have since edited it slightly so you may notice the changes, but I’m very excited for what this project is and what dreams I have for it, which I will get into in just a moment! 🙂

This project’s unique and “old” thumb from back in the day, with slight edits.

What is the goal of Recovery Restoration?

The goal of Recovery Restoration is about sharing visual and written forms of artwork to provide peer support and encouragement to those just beginning or in the middle of their recovery journeys with others who have struggled and come through to the other side. Recovery Restoration recognizes that our recoveries are ongoing journeys and believes that giving light onto others can help them, too, out of the darkness. We still struggle, we still slip up, and we keep showing up, we keep fighting, and we keep continuing onwards, which in and of itself is what survivors radiating badassery do.

Recovery Restoration is about providing each other hope and help by saying “I’ve been there too, and I’ve made it all the way here” in an effort to be compassionate, wise, kind and helpful. It’s a walk of advocacy sharing our lived experiences so that someone else may be able to suffer less or struggle but knowing that they are not alone, that there is help and hope available to them.

What is the dream for Recovery Restoration?

The ultimate dream for Recovery Restoration is to share our stories with one another in a way that is visually pleasing and overall optimistic, hopeful, bright and colorful while also balancing realism and the fact that recovery is not a linear process yet better days can be found ahead. The photo albums and folders will be donated to various psychiatric facilities across the state of Massachusetts, with prototypes and initially my own artwork showcased and then including other’s works when the project gets large enough.

What are the conditions for Recovery Restoration?

Because the artwork requires being positive and pleasing, it can’t be triggering with sensitive subject matters (suicide, self-harm, eating disorders, trauma, substance use). Of course, art is subjective which is why the artist’s reasoning behind the photo, what inspired the image, when they created the image, what the image meant for them in their journey and some explanation as to why they created the piece to begin with, will be included on the page after or near enough to the image to be connected and part of the overall story.

Additionally, alongside a person’s submission, they will have to specify how they wish to be credited: ranging from a full name (first and last), nickname, username (social media), phrase, symbol, etc. Permissions to use their artwork and their descriptions must be explicitly written out in a permission form so as to avoid potential legal issues. (I will be making up the form from having previous experience doing similar behaviors with my Photography Club at UMB).

Along with the artistic submission, a person will need to include a little blurb about themselves to be featured at the end of the album/last album pages (in a part called “About the Artist”, saying quirky things or likes/dislikes in life, movies, what inspires them, potentially what diagnoses they live with although this might be told elsewhere, for instance, in their artwork). Also at the start and end of the album will be more about the project itself and its goals, possibly featuring the thumb shown above, with the business cards for the projects to be sent to the front desk of the psychiatric facility for anyone who wishes to write down or record further information on the project’s founders (me).

How will pieces be chosen?

Because this is still a newbie project, I will be using my own artwork to start with before the project is able to spread and be contributed to by others in their recoveries. As such, when choosing pieces to feature I will likely use Twitter or some online polling system to decide on what images versus others are the most appropriate and least offensive to be included in the work, especially if the album is shorter than others and I have only say 20 slots to work with but 30 images.

All descriptions of the artist’s work, about the artist, about the project and its founder and more will be typed up onto paper, as well.

What does this project cost?

I have to do a budgeting document for this project and may utilize websites like GoFundMe or PayPal for the future to raise money to help with the costs, or create fundraising campaigns (if you have any ideas for this, leave them in the comments or send me an email!).

Costs include: printing paper (photo paper), paper paper, ink, print jobs (for instance I have a Canon printer at home so I’ll likely be trouble shooting with that rather than, or maybe sometimes going to CVS), photo albums, time to re-shoot images/artwork where necessary (I had a lot of the first prototype’s get cut off so I will likely need to re-shoot and resize them), folders for the writing portions of the project (as added in 2019).

Additionally, I will likely need a organized system for tracking crediting of artist’s, permission forms, budgeting documents, blurbs about the artist and the works themselves, and physical if not digital copies of the artwork as once the albums are put together all of the work will be donated to a psychiatric facility and no longer in my own possession.

There is no cost of the project to the hospitals themselves.

What do the prototypes look like?

I will keep up to two prototypes of this project including my artwork for myself to be shown when doing presentations of IOOV’s for NAMI-MA, at Passages (my day program), and for my own use or browsing etc. The gold and green is my first prototype, and the “Life is A Beautiful Ride” is my second. The 3 smaller albums will be donated once completely prepared. Images of these are shown below.

My first prototype for my own artwork in Recovery Restoration. This is one single page, horizontal.

My second prototype. This holds two slots on one vertical page. Purchased from Michael’s.

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The slide show shows 3 small photo albums that are single paged, I believe 4×6. I got these at Michael’s.

What do my SMART goals for this project look like?

Writing this blog post is a really good way of me forming and brainstorming ideas that I’ve already written in my journal or planner while also providing some accountability for what I wish to accomplish with the preparation and actual donation of the items. I can’t say I’ll work on it every day, however, I do anticipate spending time working on the project weekly to really shape it up and carve out everything I want it to be about.

Also, because I’ve added the creative writing/nonfiction/fiction writing to the project, I will need to build this portion of it the most as it is still untouched at the moment. The writing portion of the project will follow the guidelines for the visual portion.

For more information on my detailed SMART goals for this project, along with a few others that I have yet to fully plan out, please refer to my future post where I fully explore the dimensions of the project, what goals and objectives I’ve set for myself and the timeline I wish to accomplish this in within the upcoming year.

Will I share the works I’ve created for this project with you all?

Yes, I plan to. I will likely create videos for it on my Youtube channel (link in my About the Artist section of my blog) and I can also do dedicated blog posts for them as well. A lot of them, you’ve likely seen showcased before on my blog over the years, too. For those who donate works to be included, I can promote them on my blog with appropriate links to their pages and social media accounts. 🙂

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Ultimately, this post is longer than I intended and more informative and thorough than I was expecting. Therefore, I will end this post just about here and work on the other project posts into the foreseeable future. This post has taken a little over an hour to write and it’s extensive with more to be seen and shown and presented, and I think I’d rather just bite the bullet here and wait for more time in other days ahead to work on detailing my plans for my ongoing 3 other projects.

With that said, I will end each project post with my new business cards and this one, you’ll get a little more than usual because I have yet to have unveiled them on my Twitter and I don’t want to tease you all so much without any actual follow through 😉

So, last Friday I decided to come home from program and work on some business cards as my therapist had mentioned the idea of leaving some information about myself and my project with Unit Z as I just left off Recovery Reinforcer things the day before. I used Vistaprint back in the day for Photo Club business cards but I didn’t like all of their selections this time around. So, instead I worked with Canva which is where I make pretty much all my graphic designs, and I browsed through their different free templates until I found the one I wanted to work with.

I also found they had a printable option so I was able to just settle with what fun I could have with them and get my stuff printed and sent to me!

So, here’s the fancy box they came in, first the durable cardboard one (which I plan to keep and redecorate myself):

I like the frazzle stuff inside too!

And then the card holder they came in:

So cute and photogenic! 🙂

And now, for the big reveal!!!

This is the front! The name of my blog, my slogan and a little blurb about my projects! I used the ‘wedding’ template on Canva, if you’re interested! I just changed the colors and added some of the text to it. 🙂

And the back!

I decided to forgo my name explicitly written here as I wasn’t completely comfortable having that be one of the sole focuses (plus with some minor digging you can find out the rest). I wrote a little description of myself and my ideas and then have all my contact information.

On the back, as you can see, I manged to add the silhouette of the lighthouse and the lotus flower as I have them on my title card on my Youtube channel/on my blog and such.

I wasn’t able to find a free logo making and downloading site, but if I ever do, it’ll be a rainbow infused lighthouse. But for now, I just use a silhouette version.

And, that’s all from me!!!

I hope that you enjoyed this post! I hope that it was enlightening and creative and fun for you all to read! 🙂 Let me know what your thoughts are in the comments below or send me a message elsewhere on social media with your ideas! 🙂

Thanks again!! ❤ ❤ ❤

Now it’s time I go eat some dinner, ahaha.