When I Can No Longer Avoid the Confrontations Before Me | #mhblogger


It should come as no surprise that I cannot stand confrontation.

It makes me anxious, angry people with passion so deep in their veins that they yell and make noise. It makes me feel unsettled. It makes me feel shaky and nervous, uncertain and on edge.

It makes me wonder what it is exactly that I’m supposed to do…

I’m being confronted lately by the by-products of my avoidance. Avoidance runs with so much depth in all aspects of my life that it’s making me feel unsettled and uncertain as to where I can possibly turn. I try to make progress in addressing it, but there’s just SO much of it, so much that I’m drowning in daily, and just when I can manage it a little bit better, a little bit more, everything else builds and builds and builds and again I am left with the choice, the confrontation of invisible forces: do I take the time to look into it and approach cautiously or do I freeze in my steps, turn the other way and run from it? Essentially, do I continue to avoid the avoidable?

Unfortunately, it always seems to be the latter.

And I’m paying for it now.

The Loki Disney+ series is going to be coming out in about 3 weeks and I’m still as far behind in re-watching the MCU as ever before.

I wanted to be through the entire thing months ago but here I am now, still in Phase One and no closer to getting into it. Unless, maybe, I abandon the process entirely, which I don’t think is likely.

I just get so caught up in the fact that I make simple processes into such large, complicated and complex tasks that I inevitably wind up avoiding because there’s TOO much expectation going hand in hand with them. Which translates into just never getting anything substantial done or really making a nice big check mark off something that I appropriately accomplished.

It’s exhausting.

And not everyone else is like this, I’m finding. And so that’s odd, too.

And on top of that, I’ve thought of myself as one thing and more and more I’m being confronted with the idea that maybe I’m not even that thing at all–and if that’s the case, than who am I really?

I guess, the point is, that I do something towards the things I’m avoiding. I’m gearing up from wanting to edit videos today to then changing my Youtube channel banner art instead, to then moving away from editing videos after I scheduled my next video for release tomorrow and then even further to just writing this post (which I’ll be ending soon because my attention span is already waning a lot) to then just watching a movie, working on my film review TIH blog post and reading a book IYF and watching Station 19 and Grey’s Anatomy tonight.

I’m tired, I’m anxious and I’m just deadpan.

I hate that I cannot output as much as I would like or expect of myself, but, I guess it is what it is. I still want to comb my hair today and brush my teeth, because I haven’t quite done that just yet. Then I will watch Thor and also take stock of an estimated updated timeline for the MCU rewatching parties.

I guess what matters is that I keep trying.

And maybe, here I am hoping, that maybe one day that’ll be enough.

Well, I have to go make these things into reality now.

I’ll see you all tomorrow.

πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ–€

Post written May 20th 2021 at 2:45p; then again at 3:30p. Posted by 3:45p EST

PS Another way my avoidance behaviors are impacting all areas of my life include: the time I waste every day on Youtube binges, the avoidance impacting my work at Amaryllis, the avoidance impacting what I actually get done in a day (my productivity), my avoiding MCU and regular movies, my avoiding my fan fiction, my avoiding reading books, my avoiding blog posts, my avoiding (or this relationship in particular is a little trickier) editing videos, my avoiding news related information (so like what’s happening currently in the world like at Hamas; usually I’m about 2 – 3 years late on current events) etc.

Film Review Friday: “Sharks of Lost Island” (2013)

Film Review THUMB


Chosen Film/Year:

“Sharks of Lost Island” (2013)


Movie Rating:

PG


Movie Length:

.45 minutes


Writer; Producer/Editor:

Alan Martin; Neil Gelinas


Product of:

National Geographic


Themes:

Nature, documentary, sharks, coral reefs, marine ecology, narration, underwater filming, oceans, the negative impacts of humanity, pollution, garbage, carbon/human footprint, community meetings, overuse of fishing for food production (altering the amount of fish left in the world), small islands, ocean voyage, drones, science nerds, passion, care, inspiration, activism, advocacy, pursuits of the good, dramatization, interview style filming.


Trigger Warnings:

“Crazy” comments, sadness and depressive triggers, guilt, bird death.


How I found it?

Disney+


Movie Summary:

This documentary follows a team of marine ecologists as they plunge deep into the ocean waters near the remote, and barely inhabited, Pitcairn Islands. The three main islands are miles away from New Zealand, small specks in the Pacific Ocean. They are called: Pitcairn, Henderson and Ducie islands. Deep within the waters are either pristine or well established and well nurtured coral reefs. Most of the islands have a roaring amount of sharks lurking underneath, which is a sign of immense health and nutrition for the coral reefs.

The documentary is composed of following the marine ecologists as they embark on finding ways to limit the detrimental hands and feet and existence of humanity and preserving the innocence of nature and the gifts that wildlife has within our lives on a day to day basis. The documentary hones in on how the overuse of fishing is slowly destroying the climate and the world, how fishing garbage can be found on one of the remote islands despite how far away they are, how humans influenced an island by bringing in Polynesian rats that destroyed the flightless bird population, how a harmful weed was killing off the birds, leaving their feathers sticky with its goop and slowly killing them and following a set of community members on Pitcairn to work to establish the islands as a marine reserve to help bring in the expenses of tourism and preserve the life that was threatened by the evils of humanity.

Set in interview-style commentaries, the scientists share their hopes, their excitement, their awareness and their newest discoveries with the world. While a bit over-dramatized at times, this documentary does a fine job on making its information clear to understand for the viewer and inciting care and activism to preserve what can be so that we don’t lose everything we love, care for and genuinely need remaining intact in this world and on this planet.


Cinematography & Style:

The cinematography in this documentary is pretty great, overall. There are some excellent transitions and landscape scenes that are time lapsed, gathering the use of sunlight well, filming underwater and stock shots of the boats or the scientists as they explored the islands on foot. There were interview-style voice-overs of the scientists, with images and sights to behold overlaying their words with shots in between of the scientists speaking themselves. There were cameramen shooting the scientists mostly while some of the scientists (Mike, for instance) had a hand-held camera that he shot in to give us more a “first-person” perspective. It’s a friendly documentary with great use of scenery and music to set the scene even further. Overall, I did wonder how much of the film was scripted versus not and how some of the narrations were over-dramatized and zoomed in at points that weren’t entirely necessary for the story or film (for instance, the whole drone issue, when it was flying and hyped up but then it got lost and what the point of that was to keep it in the documentary, the set-up overall of some scenes, the music, etc.)


Memorable Moments:

The most memorable moment for me is probably the carcasses of the birds on the beach of Ducie Island due to the weed that arrived and got its sticky goo all over their feathers. It was just so sad and awful. Another thing I remember is some of the features of the deep dives with the fish and the clear water and that difference when one of the islands with more human inhabitants was VERY murky and gritty in spite of the clear, pristine waters were like. It made me wonder how other islands and oceans are fairing with even more human garbage, pollution, etc. existing. I also found this documentary, probably because of the human involvement and the negatives of humanity it highlighted, to be a little depressing and saddening and made me feel a little helpless and hopeless. Yet, there are good news from this documentary at the VERY end of this review, which preserves some positive aspects of humanity and the power that we hold in strong numbers. ❀


Information Delivery:

Creative in nature. (Hah! Puns) It wasn’t overly scientific so I could understand what was going on and it was very user-friendly, so to speak. Having some idea of biology and environmental stuff is a plus and a neat way to see textbook information in the flesh and in progress. πŸ™‚


My final thoughts:

The end of the movie definitely made me think a lot and I had wondered whether the villagers and people of Pitcairn were able to make the islands a marine reserve and the answer, which is below, made my heart warm and restored some of my faith in humanity (to be honest, I have a pretty good faith in humanity overall). I thought it was a pretty neat documentary even if it probably wouldn’t be something I watched again in full or got a WHOLE lot out of. It does make me want to help the environment by picking up trash in the community, so there’s that, at least. I wasn’t quite expecting the sadness to be experienced in this documentary so that also influenced by final score. I’d say it wasn’t bad overall and I’m definitely more intrigued to watch a few more documentaries but I think that’s also because I’m not ready for more in-depth plot lines from more creative mediums.


Recommendation Score:

6.5/10

 


BONUS Good News:

The islands were established as marine reserves, the largest in the world, in 2015.

 


 

Annnnnnd, you managed to make it to the very end of this review!! Thank you sooo much for stopping by, reading and if you can, leave me your thoughts or recommendations down below! I am set to have a few more posts up this week–despite the fact that I have to write them first, ahaha–so there’s that to look forward to! I’m mainly focusing on a NAMI Walks 2020 post (for Tu), a Tracking Part 2 post (W), a FRF for Fri and probably a couple others here and there.

I might do one about some SMART goals I have and life update type styles. Also one on fanfic and my social media links. I’ve decided to incorporate 5 days a week at least 30 minutes of blog interaction/commenting/liking a day and that is going super swell so far! I’m excited to do more today.

Also, this post took me FOREVER to do. I don’t know why but it was just super difficult for me to be motivated and inspired to get it done and out. In the end, especially the day I’m publishing it, I was very ruminative in my mind so it was extra hard to focus and I need to download some new music ’cause I’m just over all the same songs I’ve been listening to lately. So I really procrastinated a lot on this post and I also tried to challenge myself to upload and work on it even AFTER it’s Film Review Friday, hence why this is going up on a Mon. I have to challenge my rules more because sometimes they’re awfully shitty and unnecessary rules! (I found that having a couple of timers for like 20 mins finally got me to accomplish this post and publish it!!)

Any who, again, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy my posts! Feel free to leave me a link or something to your own stuff if you’d especially like me to read and comment. Thanks again! ❀ ❀ ❀

 

Handwritten minimal notes: 4/29.2020;

Typed and written, added and edited: 5/7 & 5/11/2020

πŸ™‚

Film Review Friday: “Jane Goodall: The Hope” (2020)

Film Review THUMB


Chosen Film/Year:

“Jane Goodall: The Hope” (2020)


Movie Rating:

TV 14


Movie Length:

1 hour & 28 minutes


Directors/Producers:

Elizabeth Leiter & Kimberly Woodard;

Lucky 8 TV & National Geographic.


Themes:

Activism; humanity; biology; chimpanzees; rescue; advocacy; love and kindness; inspiration; younger generations; community; teamwork; hope; humanitarianism; projects; conferences.


Trigger Warnings:

Mild substance use (alcohol)


How I found it?

Disney+


Movie Summary:

This documentary follows Jane Goodall, the chimpanzee scientist who observed the animals in the wild when she was young and in Africa, and her journey towards finding a footing in the activism sector and speaking out for those animals that she cared so much about and wanted to fight for and give a voice to them and others. This documentary follows her and the ins and outs of her story, where she came from, where she wants to continue going and how she hopes she’s making a positive impact not only on the planet but with the younger generation. She has multiple projects, “Shoots and Roots” as one for instance, and speaking opportunities that she literally travels worldwide for. She is a powerhouse woman built on the foundations of honesty, passion, determination, fight, spirit and perseverance. With a movie so visually pleasing and heartwarming from the dialogue and map of Goodall’s work, this is a must watch documentary to introduce you into activism, environmentalists and, above all, hope and positive change for the footprint left by mankind.

I thought it was especially interesting for them to include her meeting with her assistant/worker where they’re trying to figure out her schedule for conferences and being where/when and such. It just offered a neat perspective into how much she does and how much she’s trying to cram in with her growing age, and the fact that she still has such a large commitment and power to her voice that she wants liberated before she passes on. There’s just something especially empowering about all that, I think.


Cinematography & Transitions:

I felt that the transitions to this documentary were really pretty fantastic. We got the voiceovers of Jane Goodall as she spoke at length in different parts and more of the detached audio with moving pictures representing the landscapes or worlds within the world of local communities. Various people were interviewed throughout the documentary and gave their thoughts and inspirations from Goodall and it made the importance of such activism really shine and even help to further inspire so many other people out there who may want to embark on similar careers.

I know for myself that it was really pretty inspiring and I might work into activism some day, too. I think it’s so awesome all the work Jane has done in her fields of interest and intense passions. I hope we still get to be blessed with a few more years of her work and her mission and her story. To be able to appreciate her ongoing impact and others enjoying her presence and her soul is so powerful, that I’m really grateful there was another documentary made about her (I didn’t watch the first one, though). I think our current day society tends to congratulate and celebrate lives AFTER they’ve passed on so it was really nice to see a present play by play of gratitude and appreciation. πŸ™‚

Also noteworthy is that the documentary itself was broken up into transitional slides that had a few words on what that next section of the movie would be about. I also think that through the production of this movie that we got to see the quirks of Jane Goodall and her humor, let alone her kindness and compassion to folks.


Memorable Quotes:

  1. “If we lose hope then we must all give up if we think there’s no way forward…We mustn’t let [that] happen.”

  2. “My job is to go around and inspire people to take action”

  3. [About Goodall] ‘She is driven to her commitment–to her mission'”
  4. “Every person matters. And every animal does too. But every person makes some impact on the planet every single day and we get to choose what sort of difference we make”

  5. “…I truly believe it’s only when head and heart work in harmony that we can achieve our true human potential”

  6. “If you don’t talk to people how can you ever expect them to change?”

  7. “Hope attached to action [is what] we all take responsibility for”
  8. “Don’t be confrontational: reach people’s hearts to change their minds. Don’t do something because you want the honor and glory of it”

  9. Concept:

    How anger with the rest of the world sparked Goodall’s passion.

  10. “When you die there’s either nothing, which case is fine, it’s finished, over, you don’t know anymore. Or there’s something. And I happen to believe there’s more than just this one physical life. I haven’t the faintest idea what else there is but if that’s true then what greater adventure can there be?”


Information Delivery:

I found the information in this documentary to be engaging, visually pleasing, understandable and educated me well on what mattered or what were the highlights of Goodall’s mission and those around her.


My final thoughts:

So, I found this documentary on Disney+ when I began my first week’s free trial (even though I’ve signed up completely for the plan, :3). I wanted to watch something for what I’m now designating as “Movie Monday’s” and this was the one that stood out to me for a documentary and something I’d be interested in learning more about.

I had never really heard of Jane Goodall before I watched this documentary and this is the first one I’ve seen with her in it. I think I mildly recall a reference to her from one of my biology classes about her having taken such field study related notes with the chimpanzees in Africa.

Regardless, I was eager to learn and listen and become educated. I really enjoyed the entirety of the documentary and I think it’s really kinda inspired me to get back into environmentalist stuff. When I was a little kid I used to be really into animals and saving the planet and as I got older I drifted away from that. But I did some community based volunteer work within the Greater Boston area in college and one of them was trash picking and I really enjoyed doing that, so maybe when corona is over or the quarantine is lifted a bit, I’ll get back into that, even if it’s just around my local community for now. πŸ™‚

Two other things I want to touch on briefly include:

The confrontation quote and subsequently the not doing something because you want the brownie points is something that I struggle with because I think I do seek that external validation somehow in some ways and I want to be praised and loved by others around me, which is odd and interesting to say and acknowledge at the moment.

Secondly, the final quote absolutely reminds me of the Marvel Cinematic Universe with how Endgame went and Stark’s sacrifice. You know the whole, “part of the journey is the end.” ❀

And lastly, an additional point, the public speaking in Goodall’s life also reminded me of Kevin Hines who I also greatly look up to and whom inspires me and why I share my mental health journey story. But, that’s it from me now. πŸ˜‰


Recommendation Score:

8/10


 

Above all: thank you. Thank you so much for viewing this blog post, for liking it if you did and if you were gracious enough to leave me a comment. I hope to one day give as much back into the community that I found a home in as I had a few years ago. It’s become lonely just talking to a void. I may challenge myself to write shorter posts here and there too or to just post more in general. I’d like to return to my roots, myself.


I estimate an update blog post for either this coming Sun or Mon, by the way.

Lastly, my handwritten notes when I viewed this movie occurred on April 27th 2020; and I completed more of the writing and form of this review on May 1st.

Stay safe, peeps!

❀ ❀ ❀ xxxx

PS This is my first officially published film review!!! I have DOZENS of notes for others but I never got this far so I’m really pretty happy about this. The views and opinions of this post are my own and I’m coming from a pro-recovery mental health journey perspective so some things will be skewed with that in mind and for the inspiration/expected audience in mind of my peers who may be looking for pick me up movies. πŸ™‚