Rereading Fanfics & Can I Just Nuke My Phone?

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com ((Picture my phone in the fire pit, and I’ll complain about WHY REAL quick))

So, first off:

UGHHHHHHH, GRRRRRR, WHHHHYYYY.

Now, onto the post:

IIIIIIII am hating my phone right now. I keep–

No, so I have a 7 year old BlackBerry smart phone with an actual keyboard (it’ll have its birthday, actually if not this month then next I believe) and it’s been PISSING ME OFF lately like, SO much because:

  1. I cannot receive a text message at the SAME TIME that I am sending one. Because if it happens, and it HAPPENS, my phone REFUSES to load for at least 10 – 15 mins (I should clarify, I cannot access those in question text messages from the person I’m having difficulties loading with or CREATE any other NEW ones to ANYBODY else. I’m pretty much locked out of my phone unless I email or call). And that has to be 10 – 15 mins of active involvement trying to have it load, so if it goes to sleep during that time, it just adds MORE time to the recovery phase of things. This is particularly annoying and I’ll get to that later.
  2. 85% of the websites when I do go on Google, most often, save for Youtube and my blog, don’t load. The funky new text interaction and ads just doesn’t work on my phone. When I try and click on them I get an error message. This also applies if I try to enlarge an image via a Google search, it just doesn’t work.
  3. Even with Youtube, I cannot stop or change the location of the video–it has to play all the way through, I cannot, especially now, I cannot change where I put it because the window for it is so small (it wasn’t always this way)
  4. I can’t load Twitter whatsoever. (And we all know how much I use and like Twitter, even when it’s The Void)
  5. I can’t even load most images via emails like if the email is of a company and sample images for promotional purposes it refuses to load or show up at all
  6. When I do have the loading issues like with a “locked” text message (so to speak), my phone starts overheating and I’ve had instances in the past couple of months where it kills literally HALF of my battery power or more. Soooo that’s annoying too!!

Honestly? I think that’s about it. I think I complained and vented enough.

It’s just been proving to be far more of a hindrance than a help lately and I’ve been really getting sick of it. I just want to hurl my phone–OH RIGHT:

8. I believe my keys at work nudged into the bottom center of the screen where the letters ‘T’ and ‘Y’ are (so just above of the keyboard, on the glass screen) while they were in my pocket, maybe back in Feb, and it cracked a (at the time, small) section of the screen. I literally had glass come out and now it’s gotten a bigger scratch expanding from the injured area and more of the glass falling off each day with the glue-like substance beneath it. I did have a screen protector which probably minimized the damage but yeah, that sucks. When I realized what happened (at first, I was eating a bag of pretzels so I thought it was a piece of salt until I found out what happened) my first thought legitimately was “Welp, I guess it’s time for a new phone.”

So I knew the end was coming soon.

Especially given the fact that, oh right:

9. I can’t use most of the main stream apps on my phone because it is neither an iPhone or an Android. It’s…. a BlackBerry.

10. I can’t access things like my accounts on Netflix or Disney+ (which would be helpful at work)

…that I’ve now had an iPod Touch since about Jan. 2020 so I’ve been able to experience the fact, when I’m in a place of WiFi (library, home) where I CAN go on all these websites, I can be on Youtube maneuvering the time stamps to wherever, I can be on app games and such, I can be on TWITTER, I can be on my blog, I can be looking at the Weather app given each town I’m in (to plan my outfits, of course) and so on and so forth.

Of course, while at Amaryllis, because there’s no free WiFi/open WiFi, I can’t access these things— OH YEAH

11. I can no longer go on FFN on my BlackBerry. It doesn’t support it at all. I was fine up until this year when things on the site changed, apparently. Ugh.

—like the Internet and such on my iPod, and I can’t use it as a phone so I can’t send texts or calls but the idea that I one day, with a new phone, will be able to is soooo brightening.

And I’ve been looking at new phones on and off over the last 3 months. I found one that I liked and really attached to but there were some problems with it so that got abandoned and now it’s been over a month since I looked at a phone again. I may still stick with BlackBerry because it DID serve me a long time (I wouldn’t go iPhone, Android only) and it is partnered with Android nowadays or with the models I have briefly looked at so that should be fine. There’s a couple pricey ones and maybe decently priced ones (if we operate on my faulty memory) that do still have a physical keyboard as well. Then there’s things like size of the phone versus pocket to consider and such. Let’s hope that I can start this month again the process of looking at phones. It would be nice, you know?


Now, here’s why I REALLY wanted to blog:

But before that–

Can we just take a moment to celebrate the fact that apparently Mental Health Awareness Month treated me so kindly, and that my iPod was acting up this evening so I couldn’t be on Twitter, for me to bring together the MASS EFFECT of a whirlpool to ACTUALLY be blogging and dealing with my thoughts and feelings IN A BLOG POST like we’re back in 2016 or some shit?

Like, can we just celebrate and take a moment to have a chef’s kiss for everything to have collided right in the universe for me to have my gut reaction to a problem be that I blog (not blob) about it which hasn’t happened in literal YEARS?

Okay?

Okay.

Thanks.

Glad that we had that discussion. I’m amazed, I’m in the feels and it feels REALLY good. It’s been so long. And something about being more active on here when I’ve literally craved it after the last couple of years and to see that AHA Twitter took me away from this a little bit (I mean, there were other factors too of course), I don’t know, it just feels magical to discover at the moment. So, one more gif because I’m happy to find that I can use them and thought of them in the first place for the first time (or what feels like forever) here:

I want to talk a little bit about fan fiction. Particularly, MY fan fiction.

If you don’t know:

Hi, hello, it’s Raquel again and I write mainly Loki centered Avengers fan fiction on topics including physical health and mental health, overcoming adversity, hurt/comfort, trauma, suicidality, growth, recovery, adjusting to life’s difficulties, hope, passion, romance (FrostIron, I’m really big on FrostIron; READ: Loki Laufeyson x Tony Stark relationships), medical mysteries, resilience and probably more, let’s be honest.

I have both an FFN account (I made it back in summer 2014, but only started posting my own fics in 2016) under the name: Unmasked Potential and an AO3 account that I made back in 2018 after someone on FFN suggested it for either D&D or ALU, my two most popular stories, because they thought the fics would do very well there too, and my username on AO3 is UnmaskedPotential. πŸ™‚

So yeah, I’ve been writing Loki centered Avengers fan fiction stories since 2016. I, actually someone that I was emailing with just asked me this so I can say it here too, am more of a planster kind of writer: I outline chapters when I go to write them but I also keep adding new projects when I haven’t finished my old ones lmao So I have a LOT of stories in progress, really none that I’ve finished (besides one shots) and even a few others that were drafted or started but not finished or put together (mostly one shots, I’ll be honest). BUT some still as only ideas.

I would say… over the last 5 years I’ve been dabbling in other forms of creative writing, for instance:

While I was in college: research papers, essays for academic purposes as well.

What you guys have seen the most of on my blog since the start (and no I never fully finished it, gwah) my newspaper articles for the paper at uni where I spoke of my mental health on a public sphere and also outlines my recovery etc

And then, of course, within the mix of time (I started college in 2012) things like original short stories, multiple chapter stories and poetry.

I ended college in fall 2018, so I’d say, alongside also doing blog posts for writing within all the years, in 2019 to 2021 I’ve discovered something particularly interesting since I’ve just started in 2020-2021 to write NON fanfic work, so like more original stories or looser fanfic that’s not Avengers/Loki based: (like at work, with kids, etc)

While I can write Loki-styled things really well…

I’ve kinda gotten stuck writing Loki-styled things really well.

Me 2021

Like, I cannot UNDO the Loki!!

Like, okay, maybe my novel is a little different, maybe, I’m not sure.

BUT like other short stories or non related Avengers stuff?

It all sounds like Loki.

IT ALL SOUNDS LIKE IT COULD BE LOKI.

I HAVE BEEN LOKI’D.

I cannot NOT write like I’m writing a Loki centered Avengers fan fiction.

It’s a problem. I SWEAR it is.

I also swear I’m crying laughing at the absurdity of this. Never thought I’d be in this situation ahaha. And the fact that the Loki’d jab references are too good is amazing too (but I’m sad there’s no gif of that)

However, my problem STILL stands.

The way I write that angsty, depressing, unworthiness and stylistic pull and churn of Loki in my fics, just, bleeds through in all other avenues as well, it seems.

I mean, I guess there are worse things.

Maybe I just need more practice to relocate my author’s voice, so to speak. Probably some awareness, cracking down out of it, editing through it and reading new content will help with that. It’s probably not forever broken and maybe I’ll just keep writing free fan fiction until I’m in my forties lmao I can dream, can’t I? (Let’s hope I’ll have some original work published by then, though!!!) [[PS If you happen to have any published work, I’d love to read them and review them onto this blog too!!! Hit me up in the comments or an email. <3]]

But here’s the real meat of what this post was inspired by:

I’m in the process of re-reading my most popular fanfic called A Little Unsteady (ALU) and… I ALWAYS forget how good it is until I go back and reread it. Like, it’s SO GOOD. THE FEELS. The questions. The existential awareness/crises. I always fall back in love with it and I am reminded each time, ‘Aaaa, yes, this is why it’s my No. 1 most popular fic’ Of course, I don’t exactly do this process super often given the fact it’s been a year and 3 months since I last updated it but even so, little things come back to my mind to look forward to (I’m particularly currently excited and fangirling for the scene where Tony and Loki hug!!) OH!!!!!! I JUST remembered how that happens. Ahahahhhaa Loki initiated it, yep. Then he threatened Tony about it, ahaha. By the way, my fics all pretty much take place in an AU where the Avengers movie only recently took place, I go and avoid most of what the MCU covers while still making light references here and there. It’s just the OG team for the majority of them though.

But yeah. Just little things and little reminders and ways that the writing flows. I mean, I’m definitely NOT without typos “pale white streaks” not “pale white steaks” or without a catch all plot formation (I make it up as I go, a lot of the time) but it’s my writing so it’s there. I’m there for it. It’ll grow and change and transform, probably with the more I read and maybe even, oooo, take some creative writing classes again.

But yeah, I’ve just been fangirling after a long day at work, reading from 4:30p this story until about 9p. When I got up to fix the streaks/steaks on AO3 and then had the run in with my phone. It’s been nice. I’m glad it was on my mind again today and I look forward to reading the rest tonight and over the next couple of days.

And hey, maybe it turns out that I had writing vibes in me today after all. πŸ™‚

Welp, that’s the end of this post. How many words? Probably too many. 2,250, eh, not bad, I’ll take it.

I hope that you managed to enjoy this post!!! And check out my fanfic if you have the time and see how Loki things are and maybe I’ll post up some more OG stuff soon so you can let me know if it is really leaked into my every day writing or if it’s a fallacy my mind is creating in and of itself.

I’ve gotta go, but it’s been real.

See you all soon.

XXX

Song in background for the last hour: “Dancing with the Devil” by Demi Lovato; I also tried changing the song I listened to each chapter for ALU so that was nice. This is my first time properly online all day! Besides rereading where I did. (On AO3) Links in my About Me page for the fanfic stuff! PPS I’m reading on Chp 5. Post written at the earliest, 8:30p – 10p

When the Writing Vibes Strike | Fanfic Work

Hi hi,

Short post!!

I am:

  • In the process of finishing watching the Thor movie, I have about 55 mins left and it already took me about 2 hours because I kept pausing every few seconds to write down notes on Loki for later regurgitation in my review ahaha
  • I watched Station 19 & Grey’s Anatomy last night, hooray!! Emotional but hooray. πŸ™‚
  • I have continued the rereading process of my fanfic CeC but today I decided to reread and print TAaBBT and then I started on the next (the second) chapter for that soooo I’m pretty happy
  • I made some additional progress notes for D&D’s sequel so that is fun
  • My Mom and I went shopping a bit today so that was nice. Note: I really, really want to get Urban Decay’s “goldmine” lip gloss one day, it’s legit $20 but it’s soooo bold and pretty and shiny. I’d love to save up some money for that next
  • I still want to get closer and closer to dyeing my hair and I think besides a phone, some bills and other payments, that I may be entering that avenue within the next two months or so!! I haven’t really let anyone know about it, yet, though. Haha Baby steps!
  • I spoke to my dating friend yesterday! They are doing as okay as can be and they let me know something I found really, really funny in a tragically absurd kind of way and that was interesting. I can’t wait until they’re out again, but have to wait for sure for a while still
  • I have to go to bed very soon because I have work tomorrow and Sun but I’m actually looking forward to it a bit!! I’m hoping to do one of the art based activities with the kids tomorrow, if I’m in the right cottage. It’s supposed to be gloriously wonderful and hot on Sun, yay! Tomorrow, mainly cloudy but still warm. I have to pick out my clothing for this very soon actually

So yeah, that’s a little bit of what’s been up and going on today!

I will need to edit another video to get done for next week but maybe I’ll do that tomorrow evening or Sun. I’d like to be a couple of videos ahead and I can probably start doing two videos a week for an upload schedule, which would be SO nice!!!

Yeah, that’s all I got for now ahaha

I’m feeling a bit tired so maybe that’s good news as well.

Welp, I’ll see you either tomorrow, Sun or on Mon.

Stay safe!!

XXX

–#SummerComer #PoetryChallenge Entry #9 DOES NOT EXIST– Ft. Life Update


Hi there!

So, it’s been a VERY, VERY long time since I last posted anything onto this blog. I ran into a lengthy writer’s block for the last month and a half (July most significantly) and while I’ve worked on a few blog posts behind the scenes (stalling with two book reviews however and one music based one, as a follow-up post to my first music and my recovery entry back last year in the fall) I really just haven’t written or blogged in a long time.

So, sorry about that!

I’ve wanted to do a few posts but they just never happened and then time went on and I’m a Master Avoider so I hightailed my avoidance behaviors to an almost fantastical degree, it’s actually kind of impressive.

However, I just received Writing Vibes again this past weekend so I’m running on that now. I actually just uploaded a NEW fanfic story to my fanfic accounts (fanfiction.net & AO3) called “Torn Apart and Bound Back Together” which I’m really happy with and very excited to explore going forwards.

Besides missing this poem’s entry I’ve been able to write for the week’s since. I haven’t started for this week but I may do one referencing the new fanfic story. I haven’t completely figured it out yet though. :3

But yeah, in general I was also doing a lot of filming and video editing and uploading but I fell off this past week, almost two weeks. I’ve also been working a few shifts at Amaryllis so that’s taken up some time. I have work all this weekend, one second shift and one first so I’m not entirely sure how that’s going to go exhaustion-wise, so I’ll probably be out of commission for most of next week. I’ve been sleeping a lot during the week and that’s been cutting down on my productivity level as well.

I’m hoping to film a small unboxing today and I’ve just ordered myself a daily pill container because I’ve been having trouble remembering if I’m taking my night meds.

I also got MAP certified for work so that’s fancy. I’m still anxious and avoiding actually doing the medication administration but one of these days I’ll probably go in and have to hold the med key. That makes me nervous for sure.

I’ve been pulling and picking lately and trying to get on top of that.

Mother Redbird just arrived late last night and I made the mistake of sitting on the floor for six hours watching MCU movies on Sunday so each night at bedtime for the last three night’s has been very painful at my back. I’ve had to sleep the opposite direction to get some relief because the angle of my pillows was not allowing me to have a good time.

I have a lot of videos I can edit but with my sleeping lately I just haven’t been able to do them. I’m hoping and planning to do a small unboxing today though so that would be cool.

I’ve been doing some baking lately, in the last two weeks. They’ve come out great.

I had a heavy and daunting and very painful OCD experience last Thursday. Luckily I’ve re-stabilized since.

I am almost finished with a book “YAWI” that I started a couple of weeks ago and haven’t completely finished (or made the time for to finish) since. I’m hoping I can today.

I’ve been itching to watch either Netflix or a Disney+ movie so I’m hoping I can make that happen today.

I’ve been listening to music and getting coffees and I started a new coloring page this weekend which is fun. My Mom and I have been hanging out and we stopped by the “beach” over the weekend and will probably return after my first shift on Sun. πŸ™‚

Any who, besides some hauls and some other things I want to get out for you guys, that’s been what I’ve been up to lately. I started watching clips of “Impractical Jokers” in the last week and that was very entertaining (and then very procrastination worthy) and made me laugh a lot so that’s something. I’ve been getting into movies and TV shows that I’ve never seen before or haven’t seen in a long time by finding clips on Youtube, ahaha. It’s been fun.

But, I’m gonna try and get my other poem posts ready and here’s hoping I’ll be back on track soon.

Thank you so much for reading and I’ll definitely try and put back in the effort to read and comment on your posts as well! So, if you have anything in particular you’d like me to read and share my thoughts on, feel free to leave them down below and I’ll do my best!

Thanks. πŸ˜€

xxx ❀ ❀ ❀

As always: stay safe, take care and be well. Much love and light to you.

πŸ™‚

SUMMER COMER ENTRY #10 TO BE POSTED MOMENTARILY. ❀

PS I have a new presentation to be done tomorrow for NAMI so I’ll be working on that later today as well. I did my first virtual presentation back in July, it went well! Tomorrow’s is in the afternoon so that should be nice. I really have to reorganize my room and tidy up soon so that I can do some other videos going forwards. I will probably soon be adding some videos from my Youtube channel to here as well to keep bumping them and highlighting some important stuff.

PPS I joined another website to help with the trichotillomania so I’ve been kind of blogging there a few times too, so there’s that. :3

Entry information: Music: “1800 273 8255” by Logic ft. Alessia Cara and Khalid; Written: 8/12/2020

PPPS I had to back-up a bunch of my computer/art files because my computer finally ran out of space. So, that happened too. And there’s probably a couple other things that’s happened since I last blogged that is slipping past my mind now, ahaha. Okay, that’s it for now though.