Well, hello there!
I know, I do, in fact, STILL exist.
It’s been such a long, long, long, lonnnnng time since I posted on my blog here on WordPress, let alone posted in general on most writing based sites (I’m looking at my fan fiction stories especially here) and it’s just been forever since I did a proper written up life update. But, that’s not really today’s post, either (or is it?).
I want and wanted to come on here to update you guys on what I plan to be posting from now til the end of this year, 2022. Also, sorry I never really followed up on May’s mental health awareness posts. I wound up shifting more towards focusing on my Youtube channel (which honestly, in general, I’ve been doing more of the last 2 years, too) and then Peer to Peer was taught by myself and another co-presenter and so that eliminated all other mental health related content I made in a timely fashion. But, that’s neither here nor there.
I just want to make a short list of what I plan to create and post in the near future and also explain how and why I’ve taken SUCH a break from writing.
So, as for the latter:
Work. I’ve been working at my current job, Althea, since close to 11 months ago. Most of my writing is being done there–mostly in creating groups and presenting them and interacting with them in that way with the patients (I’m working at an adult psych hospital setting) as well as the notes I have to do on each of my patient’s per shift so a lot of my doing of writing has been happening there. (I do want to do more content about this particularly on Youtube in the future, in case any of you would be interested in seeing that, too, it’ll go there.)
Writer’s block/Art block. This is the main one this summer and even more beyond that. For writing it’s definitely been impacted heavily by a strong presence of writer’s block but even more I’ll go into in the next point. Additionally, this past month of August I’ve been in a ridiculous video editing block that hasn’t happened in a long time but has now and I can’t quite shake it off completely yet, which is annoying. I’ll WANT to video edit but once I decide on a file and start, 30 seconds into the process and I’ve grown bored and uninterested in finishing the project. Ugh. It’s the WORST. This will go into an additional point after this next one:
Perfectionism. My perfectionism has gone to astronomical levels and it’s genuinely impacting my life in SEVERAL areas, most of which is online stuff but also way beyond that, too. I have to triple check, edit, curate and everything and it’s exhausting and I build tasks up too much in my own head that I get anxious, procrastinate, avoid and put off because I fear I cannot produce that “perfect” result. So, I just don’t–at all. It’s incredibly frustrating and isolating. Which, sucks. This is especially the case in creative writing when it comes to my fanfics. I have about 4 stories all in progress (like, I’m literally in the middle of 4 different stories’ chapters) but I’m caught between that whirlwind of writer’s block, just not making the TIME for it to write or read or immerse myself, to being incredibly eons behind in the MCU to begin with and just not able to make it perfect that I’m just stuck, overall. Pretty much. I should make more time for creative writing and fan fiction stuff, but alas, I’m also supposed to be reading more books… it’s, it’s a process. I’m working on it. I’m practicing challenging my perfectionism with imperfect action and it IS helping and working–just not QUITE fast enough from all the stuff I’ve been putting off and off and off. BUT I am making some progress!!!! Small steps are STILL steps.
Blocked off creatively. I haven’t really had the time or the energy of the time to set aside being creative. It feels like it’s not just as simple as “being creative” in the moment but rather something I have to fight through and find the energy to fight through and to string along a story and a plot and characters and all of that and that’s just… a lot of work. So I just haven’t. And time goes and goes and goes and, still, I’m left behind.
Memory issues. For instance, I forgot completely the next point I wanted to make after perfectionism (I’m not even sure the thing I put there was what my original thought was to begin with, grrr) and so my memory is just really shitty lately and if things are NOT in the front of my face or something in my direct line of vision, I WILL forget it. I forget I say things right after I’ve placed them into the vitriol of the air before me. It’s a mess. I don’t really have answers on it yet which goes into another point:
Life. There’s been a fair amount of different life experiences I’ve found myself in, in the past year. I started a romance, the romantic relationship ended suddenly; I’ve lost a friend and someone I thought I was going to spend my life with and the trauma that that all encompasses when things ended badly and intensely toxic/unhealthy. It still feels and IS like that I cannot speak completely on THAT subject matter because my ex still lingers on my socials. Which I could have a whole other rant about but I’ll save it for no context creativity. Then just starting a new job and residual pandemic stuff. Someone close to me nearly completing suicide last year and how I handled that trauma and how that was something I was wary of this year for my birthday (anniversary of that and all; but that was their stuff and not mine and not something I had to take on as my own issue, as my psychiatrist reframed for me!). Also, though, just more growth and healing too!
I’m hopeful that this time next year I’ll be in a new romantic relationship. I’ve done some great soul searching to get to this point where I AM welcoming love into my life again because I do want to spend my life with someone and I’ve been allowing myself to reignite some of those relationship dreams and the things I want to do with some other significant other in the future. Things like dream vacations or dates or relationship dreams, etc. I’ve also figured out more of my sexuality. And I’ve been working through some journals again and achieving some awesome accomplishments since whenever I last posted on this blog! Haha. I’ve learned and I’ve expanded and I feel good, overall, now. And that’s awesome. And that’s what I’m going to focus on.
So, basically, lots of different factors have been at play. It’s just made it harder or more constricted to be able to creatively write in the past year or so. But it does feel nice to do it again, right now, as I’m listening to music in the library haha.
So, the NEXT thing we should really focus on::
(I mean, in terms of journaling I’ve been able to write up some goals and bullet journal spreads so that’s been nice and fun, too! So some creativity in writing writing HAS been directed into that angle, huzzah)
WHAT do I have planned to post on here in the future??
- More film reviews (MCU and others). I might even challenge myself to do it OUT OF ORDER. I have Thor (2011), I have to do CA: TFA, maybe when I rewatch Thor Love and Thunder soon (I think it’s coming onto Disney+ in two days) and just tons of other movie reviews I have hidden or stored away
- Book reviews: I have the main one I’m working on and is in progress from over this summer. I have it all handwritten and then all of the back bone to it that’s in another tab on my browser so it is being worked on and everything, I just have to finish it, edit it, and then post it. But that’s Shutter. And then I’ll have to do the video book review (VBR). BUT ALSO other books, like this recent one I finished called “Self Care” and older reviews from over the years and everything to that effect
- More life updates. Self explanatory
- Integrating some of my other online content like Youtube and Insta onto my blog as well. And vice versa. Just to see me in another light and another way. 😀
- Awareness posts. Probably mental health related ones
- Tags and awards. I definitely want to bring those back
- Interacting with your posts or creative outlets, too!!! Maybe like shout-outs and such. That’d be fun!
- Stream of consciousness posts.
- And maybe other things that I used to do that I just can’t remember at the moment?
There’s definitely some new things I can do and some older things I USED to do that I can bring back! Oh, like song a day’s or cool shoutout posts to people’s artwork and such. I don’t know, fun stuff, overall, I think. I think maybe sharing my vision statements and stuff would be helpful and effective, too. Particularly as I’ve moved away from the main focus of my social media life in recent years so getting a fresh perspective and such on it would be necessary and interesting.
But for now, that’s all I’ve got. Which, I think is plenty. One more read through and I’ll be posting this! Thanks so much for coming along on these words and I hope that you’ve been okay and I can’t wait to see you or others soon!!! I want to go live on my Youtube again some time soon, so let’s hope for that!!! My mom is making sghetti tonight so I’mmmmmm excited. Hahhaa I am a bit hungry, so maybe I’ll shift to something else for a while (like reading a book!!) and get onto the next thing.
Thanks again! See you in the comments or on my other socials!! Sending light and love.
Details of the post:
Music: W.I.T.C.H by Devon Cole; Not my job anymore by Thomas Day
Location: Library backend at a table and by a cool and gray rainy window. Laptop on top of my rainbow pride tote bag. Public WiFi. Elbows a little sore haha
Writing trajectory: Started at about 5p, so a solid 1.5 hour work.