What are your favorite quotes? | #mentalhealthrecovery #hereforyou


Hi again!

This post is going to be really short as I just downloaded some new music to my iPod for half an hour and I have to go into work very, very soon. I’m a little intimidated because I have Clinicals today, a diabetic training and a program meeting then soon after (I may get half an hour to five minutes to myself) I start my 8 hour shift. Luckily, I’ll get paid for all that time and clocked in before then but I’m not sure what cottage I’ll be in or how the shift will go, but I’m toying with an idea for a group with the little kids and trying to take charge a little more and be more present.

Any who, I thought this idea would be interesting!

I remember years ago I linked mental health related quotes on my blog and that went well so I’m thinking maybe on Friday this week I’ll do another updated round of that. I have a few books I can also refer to about it (both mindfulness books, one new!) as well as just images and quotes and even some original Canva creations that I can do about all of them/that, so I’m excited!

So, down below, share in a comment or a tweet with me or a DM what your favorite quotes are? What are your favorite jars of inspiration? Motivation? Recovery? Goals? Dreams? And then we shall see what we all come up with by the end of this week!!!

Sending light, love and an infinite supply of rainbow lighthouses.

All the best,

— Raquel

xxxx

🌈🌞🌠💚💚💚

No One Was Meant to Deal with This Life Alone | #SummerComer #PoetryChallenge Entry #8


Another late post, sorry about that!

Check out Entry #7’s poem here.

Also, let’s just jump right into it! 🙂


THE RULES

  • each post begins with the thumb above
  • each poem will be individually titled and labeled by the entry number in both the piece itself (at the end) and in the title
  • each post will include any background music used to “set the mood” which will be listed at the end of the entry
  • each poem loosely exists within the context of summer but is not strictly limited in constructing that imagery. I.e. it’s a summer project but may venture outside of that topic/theme-wise. 🙂
  • the goal: one poem each week from the end of May to the start of September under the hashtag: #SummerComer

Week #8’s Entry:

No One Was Meant to Deal with This Life Alone

“…You are not hopeless

Though you have been broken

Your innocence stolen

 

I will send out an army to find you

In the middle of the darkest night

It’s true, I will rescue you

 

There is no distance

That cannot be covered

Over and over

You’re not defenseless

I’ll be your shelter

I’ll be your armor

 

I hear you whisper underneath your breath

I hear your SOS, your SOS

 

I will send out an army to find you

In the middle of the darkest night

It’s true, I will rescue you

 

I will never stop marching to reach you

In the middle of the hardest fight

It’s true, I will rescue you

 

I hear the whisper underneath your breath

I hear you whisper, you have nothing left….”

— Lyrics from “Rescue” by Lauren Daigle

Trigger Warning: Depression, self-talk, implied suicidal ideation

(but also hope, rebirth, love, compassion, care, humanity, facing adversity, triumphs, worthiness, positivity and recovery)

your shoulders are weary.

 

your vision is lost.

 

you struggle to gasp for breath,

to pull in the air,

to let it out again.

 

you long for death.

 

but you cannot make it occur.

 

you’ve chosen a different path,

and still the pain bleeds blue,

and you feel you wish you could

surrender to it.

 

I see you.

I hear you.

I know your pain,

as it’s become mine.

 

I want you to know:

you’ll get through this.

there will be hope again.

this isn’t how your story ends.

there is more strength within you

than you realize.

the waves will leave and they will come again,

but they will always leave,

they will always fade,

so where you struggle,

you will find courage

and with that courage

you can find aid,

because no one was ever meant to

deal with this life alone.

 

so I will search for you,

I will search for you in the light of day

and in the darkest caverns of the night.

 

I’ll exclaim your name

because I know it to be

my own,

and I will find you,

I will find you,

and bring you back into the beacon

of the light that I know you will

feel again.

 

I will hold you,

tightly,

and remind you of all the reasons

you have to stay alive.

 

because you’re needed here,

you’re needed.

 

and we want you here,

we want you.

 

you are loved.

you are strong.

you are a warrior.

you are a survivor.

you are worthy.

you deserve to take up space.

you deserve a happy and healthy life.

you are amazing.

you are brave.

you are wondrous.

you are you

and no one can ever replace you.

 

so please,

please don’t try and replace yourself.

 

I see your shadow in the darkness,

the outline of grey that hangs in the air,

and I’m coming for you now.

I’m coming like the waves,

and when I find you,

I will secure you with the firelight

and you can sit back and hear the sparks

crinkle into the atmosphere around us

and you can find something in it,

something there,

that allows you to breathe an easier breath,

for your heart to beat another tune,

and for the world of pain to ebb away slowly,

finding yourself again

exactly where you thought you lost yourself.

 

you will be whole.

you will fall into acceptance.

and you will fight for a brighter day ahead.

 

because they come.

they do.

and we need you here

more than the heavens above require you.

 

so fight.

fight hard and fight loud.

we are here.

 

I am you.

 

and I want us to see another sunrise.

in the fading billows of the smoke,

in the joyous taste of a s’mores,

into the day ahead,

continuing onwards,

continuing over and over.

 

because we need to.

because the world is better

with us still in it.

 

and when you struggle to see the light,

I will hold it out for you.

 

and one day you’ll find,

that you can hold it out

for the next person you try

and save–

kindness and humanity

falling out of your palms

as you climb the highest hill

and call out their name.

 

because it’s you again,

in a different vessel,

it’s you,

and you’re as determined as I was

to find them,

to encourage them,

and to show them the world,

because they deserve to see it, too.

 

and on and on the story will pass,

endlessly into the dawn ahead,

and when the moonlight and the starlight

come out to shine,

someone else out there will find guidance in them,

peace in them

and be able to smile satisfactorily and feel

their soul beat with the crowd of souls that linger

by their side,

warming the air around them,

reminding them that

they

are never alone.

Technical aspects of the poem:

Written 7/10/2020

No mood music specified.


About the poem: So it looks like I wrote this poem the following day from my Goodbye Athena blog post. I was still dealing with the ramifications of that post into that day and I found out that late Thursday evening that I started Mother Redbird’s appearance (which would make more sense why I was so emotional). So I was still feeling the effects from it and needed to vent and had a harrowing day. I did it in the hopes that I could write or edit some fanfic afterward. It captured my mood pretty well,  I think, I found myself hanging on every word just now rereading it, and it is a hopeful poem even if it starts off dark and depressing. Such is life at times, huh? I think it’s a pretty worthwhile poem altogether speaking. I believe this preceded an email I sent to a friend called “Struggle Lane” and in between me working on a new fanfic chapter update.

If you are struggling with your mental health or suicidal ideation and you live in the USA you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline either by phone (1800 273 8255) or through their chat service. I used the chat service this day which I felt the person I spoke to didn’t understand either the OCD I live with or the situation of me writing about Athena however it DID allow me time to talk with my Mom and initiate help-seeking behavior in THAT way. So, it’s still worth a shot!!

So yeah, that’s what’s behind this post at least. I hope that you are having a nice day and I’ll be updating this blog with a few new posts in the coming week.

Have a pleasant weekend!!

❤ ❤ ❤

 

#SummerComer #PoetryChallenge Entry #6: Humanity is Measured Not in Hate But in Kindness


Hi again.

When you find this post, I will have scheduled it the day before. Or, the evening before, more so. Regardless, here is the sixth entry into this Poetry Challenge that I’ve made for myself.

Enjoy!

PS Here is last “week’s” post.


What are the RULES?

  • each post begins with the thumb above
  • each poem will be individually titled and labeled by the entry number in both the piece itself (at the end) and in the title
  • each post will include any background music used to “set the mood” which will be listed at the end of the entry
  • each poem loosely exists within the context of summer but is not strictly limited in constructing that imagery. I.e. it’s a summer project but may venture outside of that topic/theme-wise. 🙂
  • the goal: one poem each week from the end of May to the start of September under the hashtag: #SummerComer

Humanity is Measured Not in Hate But in Kindness

it was somewhere

along the way

that they

didn’t

have the heart

to say ‘No.’

it was some place

along the trail

that they

didn’t

have the strength to

bark back ‘Please.’

it was in some manner

where the sun

sparkled through the trees

that they struggled

with the courage

resting in their breast

to say “Stop.”

there was something in the way

that the moonlight

glittered on the ocean front

that made their experience

quantify into thousands of

insects’ wings fluttering up

into a cacophony of sound,

the air vibrating with their pressure,

the breath of life that leaked

from their open mouth

spun into kaleidoscopes as they

shouted from the ground,

“Let me free!”

the sticky, black goo

that rose from the tarmac

threatened to take their

existence from them,

but they were strong,

they were holding on tight,

and they never backed down,

grumbling out instead,

“Try to take me,

And you’ll fail.”

The goo transformed,

turning to a face that

they recognized

as painful,

but still they reiterated,

“Try to scare me,

And you won’t win.”

Their expression was harder now,

softer in some respects,

and their blue eyes flashed

with purpose.

“Try to take me,” they uttered with

a voice as strong as Plexiglas.

“I’d like to see you try.”

The goo changed again,

curling its tendrils around their legs,

legs rooted to the ground in a

steadfast position.

The goo curled them into a tight hug,

but they weren’t afraid any longer,

instead they smirked and said,

“Is that the best you’ve got?”

The goo hissed and moved to strangle them,

and they laughed instead,

pulling away easily and

humming to themselves,

“Your weakness baffles me.”

They narrowed their eyes at the

monstrosity before them.

“You’ve fought wars

and sought out pain,

yet here you are,

incapable of taking me down.

Do you know why?”

The intensity sparked further in their eyes,

just as they began to remove their arms,

stretching the goo’s material

as it cried out in discomfort.

“Because I am Loved.

Because I am Worthy.

Because I am Arose in Purpose.

Because I am Faith.

Because I am More.

More than you’ll ever be,

And when I struggle for breath,

When I fade in the dying light,

I’ll still be Strong,

I’ll still know my Worth,

Because unlike you,

I don’t need to tear people

Down in order to shine brighter.”

They grasped the creature’s limbs

in tight, closed fists.

“You can come back for me,

And you will,

But I’ll win again,

Because I have strength,

I have power,

I have unlimited potential

Compared to you.”

They tilted their head slightly,

the intensity in their stare never

wavering.

“But I won’t kill you,

I won’t destroy you.

Because I know what that’s like too.

So I will help you,

I will uplift you,

And I will heal you,

Because that is what you need.

And if you refuse to change,

If you refuse to become better,

Then I will let you go.

Because even you deserve not to be

Hindered.

Even you deserve freedom.”

The ghost of a smile

Lit up their features as they

Pushed down the creature,

Back into its small pocket

Upon the floor.

“It takes more love to treat

Those who crave it,

But aren’t aware of it,

Than it does to easily

Spill apart hate.”

They dusted off their palms,

The ashy hue left upon their

Fingerprints

And as they did so,

As they did,

Their spirit sparkled and they said

Lowly,

“I’ll trust in you,

Even when you don’t in me.

Because that’s the biggest

Difference between us:

You hate, you destroy, you crave power

and I am loved, I create and I

already exist powerfully.”

They slid a lone finger down the side

Of the aching creature’s face,

“And all you needed was the same.

And I’m sorry you didn’t receive it.

For I am here if you change your mind,

But tearing down others to

Build yourself up,

Is not the way.”

They sighed, lightly.

“Maybe one day you will see that.

For now, I will hold onto it for you.”

They began to walk away, but not before

Saying over their shoulder,

“I’ll be back for you at a later date,

And I will hope for you

And dream for you,

What you never dared to dream for yourself.

Rest easy, my dear.”

A torched piece of parchment

Flew free from their hand

And fell down near the shadow’s

Skin,

Etched upon its surface were the words:

Spreading kindness in a world of hate

Lifts all souls that deserve no such fate.

For humanity is measured not in which

All there is light, but rather when there exists much fight.

And no matter what cost,

What they engender must be no less than crossed.

For it is not only how a person acts within a crowd,

But the way they act alone and proud.

Forgiveness is a force that can only be decided

By those at war,

Who crave more,

Who desire a roar.

And at the end of the night,

They can only choose to shine bright.

Because where there is dark in light,

There is light in night,

And they, too, shall never lose sight.

Technical Aspects of the Poem:

Written and Edited: 6/26/2020

Mood Music: “Where the Shadow Ends” by BANNERS ft. Young Bombs


About the Poem: Kinda thinking of Kill Monger and T’Challa in “Black Panther” (2018) along with other related types of events occurring in the world and just having a creative spirit birthed this poem. I’m not sure if it even makes much sense (and I’ve tried my best rewriting/rewording some parts to make more sense, but I still can’t tell ahaha) but it’s what I got for this week and so that will have to be enough. Also, I’ve been doing a lot more lower cased poetry which isn’t something that I would do a lot of in the past, just an interesting thing. I tried to keep the change when our narrator they started talking more and their confidence grew and so the stylistic choices changed as well to match that. But yeah, let me know what you think!! Thank you so much for reading and feel free to share this work along with my others! Stay safe. xxx

#SummerComer #PoetryChallenge Entry #4: Do Not Make This Funeral Her Home

Hello there and welcome back to another poetry related blog post!!! I apologize for disappearing off the face of WordPress the last few weeks, I’ve been busy being forgetful and often procrastinating on my adult responsibilities, having lack of motivation at times, an otherwise glum type of mood or pretending like certain things don’t exist if I preoccupy myself with something else in the mean time, so, you know, the usual. 😉

I wrote today’s entry’s poem a couple of days ago as you’ll see noted down below, and I pulled from a few different elements which I’ll get into after I paste it all here. Overall, my life’s been all right and I’m happy to have been able to reconnect with some online friends of mine, starting back up where we left off which has been amazing and very heartwarming and rewarding. I have a few other messages I have to attend to soon, a book to finish somehow and in some manner, tweets to make and a couple of emails to write up. I’ve been trying to do some fanfic related reading and messages too so there’s also that. There will be a few new blog related posts to come into fruition soon as well. For now, let’s start off the end of this week with the poetry challenge!!!


QUICK! WHAT ARE THE RULES?

This post marks my fourth entry into the weekly Summer Comer poetry challenge I’ve made for myself to last from the end of May 2020 to Sept 4th 2020. The rules include:

  • each post begins with the thumb above
  • each poem will be individually titled and labeled by the entry number in both the piece itself (at the end) and in the title
  • each post will include any background music used to “set the mood” which will be listed at the end of the entry
  • each poem loosely exists within the context of summer but is not strictly limited in constructing that imagery. I.e. it’s a summer project but may venture outside of that topic/theme-wise. 🙂
  • the goal: one poem each week from the end of May to the start of September under the hashtag: #SummerComer

Let me know what you think of this week’s poem down in the comments! (And as for how I was feeling last week, I’m a lot better and I was able to do some fanfic writing that helped get out of my sexual frustrations ahaha.)

And if you want to help support my mission with this poetry challenge, leave me a prompt, theme or character name/subject you’d like to see me cover and I’ll incorporate something in and give you a shout-out, too!!! ❤ ❤ ❤ Stay tuned until the end to hear my process of this poem, what song I listened to and all that jazz. 🙂 Also here is last week’s entry if you want to reread it!


Do Not Make This Funeral Her Home

Trigger Warning: Grief, loss, death

 

One day,

he knew

the sparkle would

return to her eyes,

the sunlight that

wafted down from

the thick leaved treetops

would part through her

blonde hair as alive and well

as she had been.

 

In the summer night glow

he’d smell her favorite perfume

again,

and he’d hear the shrill

whine in her voice as

she called his name,

“Tyler!

Tyler!”

growing louder and louder

as her heart sang and her

voice rose to the clouds

up above.

 

Her laughter would turn his

insides to goo. He’d be

swinging his head back to meet her,

chuckling as his brown hair

met the rays of iridescence.

 

And it would feel like someone

had planted rainbows in his chest

and his heart would flutter

in anticipation and just as he

was turning towards her—

it would have happened.

 

the truck came barreling

out of nowhere and

his face had enough time

to contort into horror and

he just managed to see

Madeline’s eyes twitch in

confusion as her slim brows

rose in question

before a thunderous roar

escaped and

somewhere between heaven

and Earth,

their shouts and formless

words were blinded by the

truck’s horn and

in the flicker of a second

everything he had once

cared about was

obliterated into nonexistence.

 

He’d thought there’d be

more time.

He’d only wanted

more time.

 

More time to:

hug her,

love her,

cherish her,

need her,

want her,

build a life

together

with her,

carry her,

dream with her,

be–just simply be–

with her.

 

But some dreams shatter

and some fates

are just

not meant to be.

 

So with a mournful look,

he watched as she was

laid to rest–

a rest he couldn’t

fathom would be easy.

 

She had so much left to do,

so much left to change

and impact

and he couldn’t understand

why her life would be taken

instead of…

instead of…

another’s?

His?

 

His.

 

She’d wanted only

the best in life

and it should have been

a sin to take away

such a radiant beam

when the world was

only growing dimmer

and darker by the second.

 

He knew he had

to make a change,

take a stand,

have something be

different

because Madeline Cross

had been alive

and existing once on

this planet.

 

And now that she

wasn’t–someone

had to know what

they were all missing

out on.

 

So he spent months working upon

awareness and reading

agonizingly boring

books on law and

legislation until he

found the way for the

city to commemorate

her death and

build not only a

memorial walkway

where Madeline

lost her life,

a guard rail

to better seclude the

nature trail and install

a stoplight to further

separate the rough framework

between nature and

manmade civilization.

 

And for a while it

eased the ache left

inside his heart

but it didn’t all go

away,

he was pained instead

with a loss so deep he

had no plan on how

to mold or change it.

 

So he didn’t.

 

He mourned.

 

And when he thought

it was over,

it returned again–

until one day

he was out on the

sandy beach,

watching the tide

come in and fade

and he felt her–

he felt Madeline–

take his hand and

squeeze and if he

wasn’t mad,

he heard her giggle and

he heard her say,

“It’s all right, Tyler.

It’s okay to let me go.”

 

Because now he knew

he never really would

and their relationship and

her loss would shape him

and refold him

for all the time and

years he had left.

 

He couldn’t control how

much time Madeline had–

and he certainly

couldn’t control his–

but it was time for him

to move through his

grief–not as a destination

rather a process,

a journey.

 

So when the salty air

pricked the tears

forming in his eyes,

he let himself go,

and he wasn’t surprised

to find all of himself

 

still. there.

Technical aspects of the poem:

Handwritten: 6/11/2020

Typed and Edited: (any minor spelling errors resulted from the typing up portion, in case you find any lingering flaws) 6/12/2020

Music: “Where the Shadow Ends” by BANNERS ft. Young Bombs. Train ambiance also used in the writing process.


About the poem itself: This is honestly the first true original characters/setting poems that I’ve done in a very long time and it was incredibly refreshing and helpful to just take a moment in the pause between my reading a book (of which many frustrations arose) and just create again. It was really, really nice. There wasn’t really much I was upset about but I could use what I learned from the grief book I’m reading as well as tossing in some images I could relate to (for instance, the truck accident made me imagine that scene in “Pet Sematary” the original movie) in addition to some sad news I found out about a friend of mine. It all just wrapped together well and like I’ve already said, it was nice and soothing and I felt calmer after I had written it. I’d had vibes earlier in the week but it was nice to sit down and just let it all flow and see where it would go.

For the title I thought of “Funeral homes” and how that shouldn’t be Madeline’s home and so the title is a call to how we have to learn to move forwards and through our grief rather than expecting it to come and go in expected, structured manners. That her home, or anyone’s home, isn’t in the death and casket or urn itself but her life was the home all along, instead. It’s a way of remembering her and finding justice and peace in her untimely death, it’s a way of trying to make her life have meaning and have her leave behind a positive legacy. It’s also all about the relationship and attachment that happened prior and the end of the relationship isn’t really the end, it’s just a new normal so to speak. Again, when I do this book review on GIAJ this theme will make more sense.

PS In my mind, both Tyler and Madeline were in their mid to late teens. 🙂

Any who, that’s it for me for now!!!

I hope to have much more posts in the coming weeks and to find ways to motivate myself again and finally finish this book!!!

Thank you so much for reading!!! Stay safe! xxx ❤ ❤ ❤

#SummerComer #PoetryChallenge Entry #3: Of Love and Deep Kneaded Validation


I am feeling a bit off and this week’s poem captures it well. Maybe it’s creative, maybe it’s fiction, or maybe it’s creative nonfiction. Whatever it is I need it to be out of me without being so “obvious.” (Or maybe entirely obvious).

Regardless,

Check out last week’s entry here.

And then check out the rules spit fired at you down below to rejuvenate your memory!!

Quick! WHAT ARE THE RULES?

  • each post begins with the thumb above
  • each poem will be individually titled and labeled by the entry number in both the piece itself (at the end) and in the title
  • each post will include any background music used to “set the mood” which will be listed at the end of the entry
  • each poem loosely exists within the context of summer but is not strictly limited in constructing that imagery. I.e. it’s a summer project but may venture outside of that topic/theme-wise. 🙂
  • the goal: one poem each week from the end of May to the start of September under the hashtag: #SummerComer

Of Love and Deep Kneaded Validation

Trigger Warning: sexuality, sex, coming out, gay, derogatory references, self-harm, black lives matter (and you are so very loved)

her skin felt like

it was on fire.

like bugs were digging deep

beneath her flesh,

burrowing holes deep

into the tissues of her

organs.

 

a bad taste resolved to be in her

mouth,

metallic and thick,

like dried blood,

coagulated.

 

she only wished to be herself,

she only wished to love

another woman.

 

but the temptations,

the judgments,

the outsider opinions,

was flooding her system,

making her retreat backwards,

feel small,

feel infinitely

…. tiny.

 

she hated it.

she resented it.

but she still wasn’t sure,

so maybe,

maybe she thought,

it was for the best.

 

she just wanted to be herself,

in a world otherwise

cruel and indecent,

abusive and toxic.

 

but she wanted to shout from

the rooftops

the truth she felt

deep in her soul,

and still she was silenced.

brought into submission.

 

not that she couldn’t discover

who she was

or get support from

others who traveled the same road.

 

unfortunately,

it felt insurmountable:

this idea of coming together

face to face with others

who have struggled,

who have been unaccepted,

who have been attacked

and hated for what and who

they are.

 

but where they existed,

she knew not.

 

sure, she could find out,

but being online prominently

was more comfortable,

even though the cruelty

was more ever present.

 

it was harder to be called

a fag who should rot in hell

in person

than from behind a screen.

 

and still she was told,

told she fears,

that other people won’t accept her,

that other people won’t validate her,

and for whatever reason,

she felt deeply,

that she wanted to be validated,

she wanted to be supported

and she wanted to be inspirational

and moving and loved,

she didn’t know why though,

why she wanted this from strangers.

 

what wasn’t she getting at home?

what wasn’t she facing in her

everyday life?

why did she need to be wrapped

tight in bubble wrap?

why did she take things so personally?

why couldn’t there be an end

to all the suffering?

 

all she wanted,

yearned for,

needed,

was another woman,

to love:

to care for:

to be present with.

 

but how could she find them in

such a small town?

in limited resources?

in hard times?

 

she wasn’t ready for a relationship yet,

nothing romantic,

but it felt so lonely,

so alone

to be a young woman navigating

the world through the lens of

a broken china doll.

 

she couldn’t go towards her familiars,

her family,

with certain “personal” matters–

sex or repulsion,

dating or masturbation–

and these ate away at her

day by day,

unsure where she fit in,

her world collapsing

her frame of reference

dwindling.

 

where was she now?

who was she now?

where did things go from here?

and could she ever make it

out of here again?

could she ever find herself

a strong,

beautiful,

inspirational,

brave black woman

to love?

because she was drawn to them,

she imagined and she drew of them

for years,

envisioning this amazing

and wonderful black woman

out there in the world,

(would there even be many left

when the injustices slaughtered

them from this earth?)

careening through the ocean’s grace,

searching for her, too,

searching.

 

could she?

 

the answer didn’t

come clearly.

 

it never did.

Technical Aspects of the poem:

Entry #3: #SummerComer

Written: 6/5/2020

Mood Music: “Where the Shadow Ends” by BANNERS ft. Young Bombs


Hopefully I will feel better again soon. I may take some time offline to deal with my issues. I have TONS of blog posts that I can do and am trying to manage. Some will come out next week instead, unfortunately. I may try and read a book too. There’s one I really have to finish. So, I’ll keep busy and play some games too.

I apologize that I’m as off as I am now. Twas an odd family therapy session. I am down but I will not give up. I guess I’ll figure things out in time.

Hope you’re faring better than me right now.

I’m open to messages or comments if you are.

Stay as safe as possible out there, especially my black friends. Thinking of you and sending you so much strength, love, hugs and light. xxx ❤ ❤ ❤

Thank you for reading.

(I may even do some fanfic to be honest)

SADIA1: I Needed to Lose You to Find Me | & Life Update

Song a day THUMB


Chosen Song:

“Lose You to Love Me” by Selena Gomez


Trigger Warnings & Themes:

Loss, grief, letting go, dependency/co-dependency themes.

Loss, grief, relationships, interpersonal effectiveness, identity, finding yourself, rescuing yourself, love, hope, trials and tribulations, overcoming adversity, triumph, letting go, dependency/co-dependency, growth, empowerment, moving on, regret.


Video:


Chosen Lyrics:

You promised the world and I fell for it
I put you first and you adored it
Set fires to my forest
And you let it burn
Sang off key in my chorus
‘Cause it wasn’t yours
I saw the signs and I ignored it
Rose colored glasses all distorted
Set fire to my purpose
And I let it burn
You got off on the hurtin’
When it wasn’t yours…
We’d always go into it blindly
I needed to lose you to find me
This dance, it was killing me softly
I needed to hate you to love me,
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah….
I gave my all and they all know it
Then you tore me down and now it’s showing
In two months, you replaced us
Like it was easy
Made me think I deserved it
In the thick of healing, yeah….
….And now the chapter is closed and done
To love, love, yeah….
And now it’s goodbye, it’s goodbye for us
SourceLyricFind

My Interpretations/Related Experiences:

So, hi again. It’s been a while and this post is a bit of a smorgasbord of multiple things but we’re gonna go with it and wing it, right? Right. Good.

So, I heard this song a few months back, maybe even as far as Nov. 2019 and I always wanted to do a song a day entry for it and just never got around to it, got busy with other posts, forgot, lost inspiration and motivation and then it got buried underneath everything else. Because, quarantine and work and all that jazz.

But I’m here now. And that’s what counts.

I’ve been reading this book on grief, or at least trying my hardest to, (it’s a dull read but I’m so invested now that I feel like I HAVE to read it, and I don’t give up on books either soooo…) and it’s made me think of some things I’ve been both ignoring and avoiding for months now.

Which, roll the credits, brings us to this song and this message and this interpretation.

As I read about loss and I am reminded that grief is a response to any type of loss–through death of course but not always–it can be items, it can be divorce, separation, leaving relationships, moving away from relationships etc. Even pets. And so it’s made me think a little about things I purposefully and deliberately avoid and pretend like they don’t exist in my life because that’s what I DO. I’m a Master Avoider. Wish I could put it on the job apps but I keep avoiding it. 😉 😀 (Imagine a cheeky grin here.)

I haven’t dealt a lot with death in my life, yeah some pets here and there, and god knows when I was more creative with original fiction back in my high school days, it would seem like I was enthralled and mortified about the subject as that’s typically all I wrote about (death, harm and destruction) but really I haven’t lost too many people…yet. Not, not yet.

Sure, there’s been the celebrities, the waiting death reports for Athena because we can all pretty much agree that she’s not in her ED recovery and has relapsed badly but that’s a topic for another day… (that I probably won’t even get into because I’m working to actively not give in to that type of addiction, because it is so detrimental to me and my mental health, bleh.)

But without having lost people to the deep, dark chasm of death, I’ve lost people due to mental health complications and co-dependency. More so my own co-dependency on others. I think of two particular individuals for this: Steve and Luna.

With Steve, I was forcefully pulled away from them by the smart choices of my university’s Counseling Center. Every now and then, as I’ve described in few Mass Media articles back in the day, I would look up Steve online, find his accounts, find some of his information and then taunt myself with the IDEA of reaching out even though I knew it was a giant no-no (and luckily, I never did).

But Steve was from a different time ago.

Luna…Luna’s been on my mind more these days. I have more tokens, more physical items, from Luna that I cannot begin to dream about parting with. Not now, maybe not ever. The idealization is strong with me from them and I wish things could have ended differently.

And let me be clear, I was the one who left the relationship. I was the one to enact The Ultimate Avoidance into my social life as I was in my last semester of school. And I wrote about it in some articles, some I think that I still don’t even have up on my blog, (sorry about that!!!) and I got through it, but it was hard. Really hard. And I had, like this song says, to lose them to find me.

I had to lose Luna to rebuild the broken shards of glass that was myself, my identity, my soul, my worldview, my RECOVERY.

I had to realize, hell not even by myself but by my Mom and my family therapist (turned individual therapist now) June that it was NOT a healthy relationship and if I continued to try and hold onto the past with Luna and be around them, then ultimately I was choosing to return to havoc-wreaking emotions that would destroy everything in its path, especially me, and land me in self-harm, suicidal ideation, potential death and definitely a hospitalization.

And I had to realize and accept that it wasn’t healthy for me or for them and that I had to move on, move away, move forwards. And I could only do that by realizing that no one and no thing was worth getting suicidal over, a profound lesson that has still aided me even today. And I had to also realize the way I was being treated wasn’t necessarily healthy either. And that it was for my best interests to pull away. And that the relationship we had wasn’t necessarily even friendship. And that I had to forgive the fact that Luna had lacked several boundary laden territories and overextended themselves more than they should have in retrospect. And I had to come to the terms that as a friend, they had abandoned me more than once and that ultimately it wasn’t THEIR job to save me.

It was mine.

And there were red flags. More than I realized at the time, more than I could begin to fathom and certainly more than I could reasonably encounter and acknowledge, especially within my unstable mindset.

They had to pull away a couple of times, they couldn’t be there to support me and at that time all I had wanted was THEIR support. I wanted only THEM to save me, to help me, to rescue me. And I could be aware of this at times, but I still ignored what it meant.

And I didn’t realize, at the time, that there were other individuals around me who could see, sense and interpret and recognize this co-dependency.

However, what matters now, what matters most, is that I got out. I got away. And even when I cringed to see them, when my heart aches in missing them, in missing what once was, I’m so much stronger now than ever before. I’ve grown so much and I’ve developed boundaries even within myself that I don’t cross or barely ever cross anymore these days. Yes, it puts me at somewhat of a disadvantage for particular art projects but somehow, someway, I know I’ll make it through.

 

So for now, I cannot part with the things that Luna has given me: the art, the reminders, the memories I don’t really spend much time at all looking back on, the good that was there, the pain that was there, the bad that was there. But I keep a piece of them with me, a piece I had returned to fondness over without actually reaching back out to them.

I’ve thought about it, a few times more lately than usual, but I don’t act on it. I recognize that I can have the thought and the curiosity and that I don’t want to, I don’t need to, look into it and find out what they’re up to and what’s going on in their life. It’s over now. I’m new. And the rest doesn’t really matter.

So to this song, to what is sung here:

It reminds me of letting go of the co-dependency and finding myself from all the rubble. And I realize that I can grow and learn more about grief and the MCU hole that exists within that grief and I can prioritize and…just LIVE my life without Luna, without Steve, without even the pain most days of moving away from them. You know, it’s been almost two years since letting go and things are pretty badass lately, ahaha. I think I’m a lot happier and definitely far more stable. I have to accept the lessons I was taught and recognize my own needs and work with myself to develop better self-validating remarks and comments. Instead of seeking validation and attention from others, instead I can work on completing that myself by myself with myself.

That’s not to say I don’t reach out for supports too, because I do. It’s…a balancing act for sure, one I haven’t completely figured out yet, and that I look forward to doing so in the future. ❤ (The balance between when do I need to self-soothe and when do I need a sound board.)

I think this song is a good depiction of the troubles with idealization (putting people on pedestals and thinking they can do no wrong) and demonizing people (putting them down so low that they have flaws and only their flaws). When the reality is that people have both good and bad qualities. People are flawed. People are not all good or all bad. Grey exists in the world, especially when it comes to humans, because we’re so diverse and so special and unique one by one. It can be easy to try and see and think in absolutes, however, the world is not one big absolute thing. It’s muddled and murky and sometimes we don’t get “closure”, in fact, in this grief book I’m reading it even states how “closure” isn’t often closure itself because grief is a continuum, grief is not something you get over rather something you learn to live with and alongside as you continue your life’s journey.

And as for the life update of this post…


I’m doing pretty well, overall. I just subscribed to Disney+ and I’m pretty excited to get into that and hopefully create more online content in the form of reviews for it and because of it. The grief book has also inspired me to attend to my MCU avoidance by re-immersing myself into the entire timeline from start to finish, which will probably take me over the course of the next year and therefore help me to come to terms with my grief through the individuals and characters we so recently (it feels recent, at least) lost. I’m actually quite looking forward to this.

I have been reading somewhat here and there behind the scenes and I have plenty of blog posts to catch up on and work on and eventually, hopefully soon, publish. They include:

  1. My sexuality
  2. Book Reviews
  3. Film Reviews
  4. Fanfic stuff
  5. Song a day’s
  6. Part 2 to my Recovery and Music post
  7. Maybe some more interactive type posts.

I’ve also returned to all my tracking stuff in the last week and that is so far up to date currently. I’m making daily goals for myself with a few that carry over when I don’t achieve them (the reading a book to the half-way point and completion, ideally). I’m considering creating Movie Monday’s for myself and Film Review Friday’s. I still have work at Amaryllis I go to twice a week. I have fanfic ideas, particularly one inspired by covid-19, that I’m trying to pick through and work on here and there but lately, the last week, I’ve been having zero writing vibes (which obviously related to blogging issues, too). I’m juggling a lot, probably the same as usual, if I’m being honest, and I want to try and interact more online with 3-5 tweets a day and then step up my WordPress game too. I have to break down the fact that I make so much more work for myself and projects out of everything, to be honest. I reorganized my room a few times though so that’s helpful. And I’m trying to get ideas and input on how to properly set self-care time and activities for myself so if that can get going I’ll be in REALLY great standing. Additionally, I have a Youtube video I have to finish editing and then work on uploading, which, again, hopefully, I can do this week.

I will probably make a tweet soon because apparently today is my 3 year Twitter anniversary. I want to celebrate that, even within some character limits and maybe that will make me feel a little better, too.

Overall, life is going, even while life outside these walls of my home are absent, crumbling and deteriorating. I’m trying to get by as best as I can but I can definitely say I can’t wait until it’s all over. For now, I have extended loans on the 36 books I have out from the library so I will take that in stride. I’m going to go eat dinner, take my meds and watch a movie now.

Thank you all so much for reading, learning, understanding and, if you please can, commenting. I hope to return to this blogosphere more going forwards.

Thank you.

xxx ❤ ❤ ❤

 


Worked on: 4/23/2020, 4/27/2020

“Sea Glass Island” (2013) | Book Review (2018) & Sherryl Woods Appreciation Post

Book Review THUMB


Chosen Book:

“Sea Glass Island” (2013) by Sherryl Woods

An Ocean Breeze Novel; Book 3 of 3.


Trigger Warnings:

PTSD (brief), substance use (alcohol), brief reference to suicide.


Themes:

Romance, meaning (life), purpose, acting, long lost love, forgiveness, faith, taking a chance, happiness, opening one’s mind and soul, letting go, dreams, work, dating, war heroism, second chances, hope, overcoming, new pursuits, southern state, meddling sisters (for the good overall), betrayal, disability, medicine (as a practice).


Summary:

This is the final part of a trilogy of romantic relationships at the hub of the story in which Samantha Castle finds love with a football player turned war hero named Ethan Cole. The story follows Samantha and Ethan and their growing love interest while the other two Castle sisters set weddings in order with their own romantic partners (as described in the first two novels).

Along the way, Samantha gets Ethan to take another look at happy endings and true love and to set his heart on the line to engage in a romance that could become life changing for the two of them. Samantha also leaves behind old acting dreams to pursue a new future. Based in North Carolina, this book offers love, dreams, hopes and insight on taking upon pursuits once foreign and daunting and making something beautiful, meaningful and life changing out of overcoming that fear. ❤


Recommendation Score:

5/5 Romantic Relationships


**Disclaimer: I hand wrote this review two years ago and will only trim down and somewhat edit it (so as to keep it shorter and more readable) to best portray my thoughts on this novel and my intense love and admiration of Sherryl Woods’ work as I gravitate towards her novels ever since I read this book in the last hospitalization I was in. I hope that you are able to enjoy the shine and the glitter of this review. Thank you, even years later. <3**


Striking Quotes:

1. “(Emily [sister]) ‘Why? Not everything is up to you to fix. If Samantha wanted help, she could have said something. That’s her way, though. She just suffers in silence, then resents it when nobody jumps in to save the day'” — Woods, (2013), p. 16

My Thoughts (18): This portion of the conversation jumped out to me as noteworthy regarding Emily’s stance in her sisterhood with Samantha and Gabi as well as relevant to my newest mode in my recovery journey. It was something that stuck out in my mind.

MT (20): I think it’s just a super relatable mental health theme, that we sometimes expect others to be there for us to help rescue us, forgetting that WE are the ones who have to put in the work, time and effort to be our OWN superheroes. It’s definitely possible and when we’re highly symptomatic it feels impossible and out of this world. We have to keep chipping away at our brain’s lies though, and we’ll do that best by talking openly and being there for one another. That is all. 🙂 ❤ (And of course, that’s not to say that asking for help is easy, either!! It’s incredible hard and it’s also possible. Keep reaching out til someone hears you!!!)

2. “(Greg, Ethan’s friend, speaking): ‘But the woman’s (Lisa, E’s ex) still in your head. I’ve seen you show a spark of interest in someone new a time or two, and then in a flash I can almost see the wheels in your head turning and that tape of her dumping you playing again. I think that’s what I hate her for the most, not that she left, but that she ripped your soul to shreds in the process'” — Woods, 2013, p. 35

MT (20): I think this really sets up the issues that Ethan has with love and the betrayal that happened to his mind and heart after he got injured in the war and came back not himself. Lisa was a biiiiitch. And I’m glad he clicked with Samantha and gave her a chance and they fell in love and got through the hardships together!! Such a great story arc/redemption 🙂

3. “And Ethan, who’d once caught (Samantha’s) attention with his charm, good looks and football prowess, was courageous. She had no doubts about that. Even in this morning’s brief encounter, she’d realized the kind of strength it must have taken for him not only to survive his (war) injury, but to move forward, to not accept limitations. In her view, that made him someone to be admired” — Woods, 2013, p. 41

MT 18: I thought this was just something to think about and keep in my mind. :3 Which one do you think you are for having survived and have worked on thriving through your own struggles?

4. “Samantha barely contained a sigh of envy at the conviction she heard in (Boone’s, her sister’s husband) voice. Boone sounded the same way when he talked about Emily. Was she ever going to find the same sort of devotion? Would anyone ever look at her as if she were the sun, the moon and stars all rolled into one?” — Woods, 2013, p. 58

MT 20: This is a beautiful depiction of some of the writing held within this book. ❤ I wonder if Woods has ever written same sex couples? It’d be amazing if she has.

5. “(E, saying things are all in black and white) S: ‘Oh, sweetie, there is an awful lot of gray in the world. Believe me, you’ll figure that out eventually'” — Woods, 2013, p. 61

MT 20: Beautifully said. And so, so, very, very true. ❤

6. “E: ‘ Can you identify with what [kids with disabilities are] experiencing?’ S: ‘No, that doesn’t mean I can’t feel compassion for any of you'” — Woods, 2013, p. 105

MT 18/20: Empathy exists, too. ❤ ❤ ❤

7. “(I believe this is Samantha’s father telling her): ‘The time to quit anything is when you no longer feel the same passion for it. There are people who work because they know they need the money, and there are people whose very soul depends on doing the kind of work they’ve chosen'” — Woods, 2013, p. 174

 

8. “‘(S): They key to living a good life, I think, is to wind up with more good days than bad ones. And you know what? I really do believe we have some control over that'” — Woods, 2013, p. 220

MT 18: Maybe the biggest takeaway from this book with all its romances and positivities. Makes me ponder on my own set of good days and the choices I have to make in my life as well as some part of the way to get there. It skirts on the edge of finality yet there’s a form of acceptance in that. 🙂 (Maybe this too inspired me to do accomplishments of the day. :))

9. “Overnight one thought had echoed again and again–that the only way to grab the future she wanted was to stay here in Sand Castle Bay and fight for it. That meant letting go of New York and everything it had once represented. She needed to wholeheartedly embrace a new plan for her life, then throw herself into it with total passion” — Woods, 2013, p. 247

MT 18: Life is a bunch of series of knowing when to stay put and fight and when to let go and dream.

10. “‘Being here will only limit you as much as you allow it to'” — Woods, 2013, p. 251

11. “(Samantha’s father): ‘Let it be a lesson to you, Samantha. Life is short. I always thought there’d be time to do the things your mother wanted to do some time down the road. There wasn’t'” — Woods, 2013, p. 266

MT 18: I don’t know if the previous two books touched on how their Mom passed away but this quote is morbid and all too real. ❤

12. “Flowers were everywhere, a mix of white roses and blue hydrangeas. Small arrangements of the same flowers served as center pieces, set on periwinkle-blue tablecloths. Candles were ready to be lit as soon as dusk fell. Twinkling white lights in the shrubbery and trees would add a fairy tale element as guests danced under the stars” — Woods, 2013, p. 271

13. “(S) ‘You aren’t the same man, though. You’re a thousand times better. You’re courageous and brave. You’ve overcome a serious injury that could have destroyed you.’ E: ‘I haven’t overcome anything that thousands of other soldiers haven’t had to face.’ S: ‘And you’re all heroes, Ethan. You’re worth more than a hundred self involved, shallow women like Lisa'” — Woods, 2013, p. 279

MT 20: This makes me wonder how many mental health warriors there are out in the world and it reminds me that I’m not alone. Also, it’s important to think about what sets you apart from everyone else who has gone through similar circumstances. This can be a fun thing to play around with in terms of identity, passion and inspiration. 🙂 ❤

14.  “Now all Cora Jane could do was sit back and pray that Samantha would find her way through the pain she was experiencing right this second and focus on the bright possibilities ahead” — Woods, 2013, p. 343

MT 18: This quote really stood out with me and resonates as something those around me likely feel. I’m starting to grow a view of the future beyond May or June. 🙂

15. “Samantha had to think about this, determine how badly she wanted it. Was it enough to fight for it? Samantha: ‘I don’t know if I want to go forward.’ This whole incident had shaken her more than she’d realized. Sophia: ‘Of course you’re going forward. Backward is never a good option in life'” — Woods, 2013, p. 350

MT 18: A plight in my recovery that is timeless. ❤

Even in 2020. ❤


For A Moment to Fangirl over Sherryl Woods’ creations:

I love Sherryl Woods since this book, although I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t think I’ve successfully managed to read another one of her novels since then (I stopped reading for a while; unrelated) but I’ve taken out her books and bought others relentlessly since. I just love her positivity, her descriptions, her characters, her tone, her meaningful prose, her life changing reads (even if it was only the one so far). I just love HER. She’s an excellent author in a genre I don’t normally read very much at all. And she gave my life the calm and ability to think of the future possibilities ahead of me during a time where I was struggling to get through the next hour. So, for that, I owe her writing so much of what I’ve accomplished today. She may never know how deeply affected my stumbling upon her work in a psychiatric hospitalization was for me but it truly helped to spark change, hope and renewal within me. I felt so inspired after I read the story and could really better imagine a future for myself, if her books existed. I’m ever so grateful that that future DOES exist. ❤ I hope that this very long review helps to best depict that, too. I was drawn by the beauty of the cover and I’m so, so, so glad I was able to be. And yes, I totes stole like 5 or 6 other books from that hospital too, ahaha. I also haven’t read any of those… XD I have a bit of a book problem, if it’s not obvious yet. Thank you so much for reading. ❤ ❤ ❤ (And go check out Sherryl Woods novels!!)


Notes/Reminders/Less Significant Quotes:

    • “(Greg, Ethan’s friend, speaking): ‘But the woman’s (Lisa, E’s ex) still in your head. I’ve seen you show a spark of interest in someone new a time or two, and then in a flash I can almost see the wheels in your head turning and that tape of her dumping you playing again. I think that’s what I hate her for the most, not that she left, but that she ripped your soul to shreds in the process'” — Woods, 2013, p. 35

      MT (20): I think this really sets up the issues that Ethan has with love and the betrayal that happened to his mind and heart after he got injured in the war and came back not himself. Lisa was a biiiiitch. And I’m glad he clicked with Samantha and gave her a chance and they fell in love and got through the hardships together!! Such a great story arc/redemption 🙂

    • “Even as the offer came out of his mouth, he was mentally kicking himself for making it. Spending any more time with this woman than absolutely necessary was probably emotional suicide” — Woods, 2013, p. 33

      MT (18): This is something that probably rubbed me the wrong way but luckily it didn’t cause me to give up and drop the book, rather I gave it another chance and I’m glad I did.

      MT (20): You could probably say I was bristled reading this line and it made me feel a lot of feelings because I was emotionally vulnerable at the time. Now, it’s definitely not my most FAVORITE thing, but I can shrug it off a bit better and not take it to heart as much. ❤ Yay, growth!!

    • MT 18: A quote that’s not super applicable for this review involved me just wondering in contemplation whether books were meant to be physically owned or returned? And, which of the two was the deciding factor? How do we know when a novel isn’t for us and when it could have a life altering secret to it?

      MT 20: When is it okay to quit mid-way through and can you, realistically, do so if you’ve already become invested in the characters? Could you live with not knowing how it ends?

      I don’t know these answers, honestly. It seems utterly absurd to me to not finish a book after I started to read it, no matter how terrible it is. Maybe this would be good for me to challenge in the future. :3

    • “(Greg) ‘Like I said, (Samantha) was out of my league. And I had enough issues living in the shadow of your popularity without risking rejection by one of your adoring fans'” — Woods, 2013, p. 36

      MT 18: This reminds me of Loki telling Thor in the MCU that Loki always had to live in “the shade of your greatness” and it’s a small insight of acknowledgement for my fanfic D&D, a high school AU.

      MT 20: Hehehe, sponsoring my fanfics even years ago!! But yeah, that’s definitely what it reminds me of, the quote, even today. Hehe. God, I love the MCU. ❤

    • I like to live my life with declarations of gratitude because you never know when someone is going to need to hear that confession, that support, that positivity. ❤ 🙂
    • How do people/writers understand consciously such subtle clues of socializing and deeper emotional connection (that being body language)? (Depicting small movements, facial cues, emotional expressions etc.)
    • CONCEPT: good actors are supposed to be capable of engaging an audience to make them forget all about reality (Woods, 2013, p.115). MT 18: I love these characters and can really get behind their message and see through their eyes their thoughts and I wonder if I’ll ever look at actors the same way again. 😀
    • Reference to the title of this book is made on p. 122. MT 18: Shots fired!! I love how Sea Glass Island was described and the GORGEOUS photo for the cover of the book was used. It’s a way of describing that I could include in my own fanfics and stories. It’s also dawned on me at this point that my own experiences and the quotes I use to highlight these contents reflect my own thoughts and interpretations and may not necessarily be the same for someone else who comes by them because of the background of THEIR own experiences. Thought that was neat!!
    • Balance theme for juggling work, a social life, family/friends/support and hobbies and health, and chores. ❤
    • (Cora Jane to S): “‘Just keep in mind how much you love this man and how much he loves you. Do that and everything will turn out all right'” — Woods, 2013, p. 159 MT 20: This is the hope and romance every grandma could produce into the world and it’s so beautiful and true that I had to include it because reasons. ❤ ❤ ❤ Sherryl Woods’ novels are a perfect amount of hope and light when I pick out serial killer novels and nonfiction streams of words, ahaha.

    • “Maybe when someone loved deeply and lost, they never got over it. In the case of Ethan–a man with so much to offer–going through life alone would be a real tragedy” — Woods, 2013, p. 169 MT 20: A less significant quote but something I wanted to include all the same. :3
    • On page 171 I was reminded from a discussion of accommodation in relationships of a good example of love between Thor and Loki in my Severed fanfic. 🙂
    • CONCEPT: This is a novel about love and happiness and at the same time it touches briefly on loss and grief yet the story is not central to it. It’s okay to have happy endings. Life is more than just the finality of death. Dare to explore and expand your world view and you’ll see brighter stars than ever before. ❤
    • Reminder that I wanted to organize my fanfics and my own dreams and ideas. 🙂
    • Idea: One of the characters talks about being somebody else for a while (acting) and this made me wonder in what ways I could try that myself–writing is one way and other forms of art are too (reading especially). I wondered, too, if I could act. It’d be interesting. ❤
    • Question: How do us writers know when to keep writing and when to stop? What’s the understanding behind that? How are chapters and length of books decided? What’s the longest book out there?
    • It’s important to tell those you care about that you appreciate them and you recognize their strengths and when they’re trying their best. ❤
    • (On a behavior/viewpoint that’s outlived its usefulness) MT 18: It’s interesting how behaviors/thoughts serve us a purpose for a while and then are no longer needed or necessary.
    • CONCEPT: I used to really despise changes when I was younger but now I think that I’m a bit more flexible. Sometimes we fight changes and sometimes it’s nearly inevitable that we find ourselves capable of slouching back and relaxing into the process. Don’t fight your growth. You are worth it.
    • IDEA: I wonder how many authors and writers that have been published will accept questions or letters from readers about how they are aspiring writers and what ways they can best navigate the process. Yeah… 🙂
    • Related Reminder: I could totally write a book and I really look forward to really setting aside time to work on this goal of mine. I really, really should soon. ❤ I have better ideas as to what they’d be about now, in 2020. 🙂

Original days worked on this review (handwritten notes):

2/15/2018, 2/16, 2/17/18.

Days typing this post:

4/2/2020, 4/3, 4/5, 4/6


Ending note:

Hi again. I hope that this post was interesting, you found some inspiration from it, you read it because it took me forever and a lot of re-formatting to figure out again and that it’s something you can come back to in the future. 🙂 I have TONS of old book reviews and now film reviews to upload for you guys. My next two posts involve: revisiting recovery and music with 3 new songs and a coming out blog post. After this, I will work on some other old reviews and hopefully by next week I’ll have a new book read from this year under my belt. 🙂 Thank you so much!!! I’m off to eat and shower and write, hopefully, some fanfic. 🙂 ❤  ❤ ❤ xxx

PS If there’s any glaring typos or misspellings, let me know! I don’t have the heart to fully scan through this post lmao