When You’re Tired and You Start One Project, to Stop and Start Another One.

That is the struggle, right? Being so tired that your attention span is such a fickle creature as you start one thing, stop doing that one thing, start another thing and then work back and forth in that process for a while.

Tis what I’m dealing with right this moment. I thought I could write up a quick little blog post while my brain is sliding back and forth on the floorboards as partially a life update (I really only chose this thumb because I didn’t feel up to finding the Journaling one which is really the one I wanted, I’m far too tired for that level of jumping through hoops, and it may be reflecting even in and of itself in this post as well, bleh) and something else that I just forgot.

Regardless, I found myself stuck in the position where I’m just trying to make the hours go by faster so I can eventually just arguably justifiably crawl into bed and under the covers and just hit snooze until about 9a tomorrow morning. I’d like that that. Mmm, sleep.

I also find myself stuck where I’d love to do some creative writing for fan fiction but I’m too far behind in rereading fanfics to appropriately and properly give them the time and the voice and the re-immersion factor into actually working on them respectfully and fully.

I don’t think that makes any sense…. What I’m trying to say is that I started another project only to realize it could fit well into my D&D fanfic (I had the image in my mind that it was Loki and Tony Stark talking after all–speaking of, this evening was the first time I really explored my Twitter timeline *I’ve been avoiding it because Loki series spoilers* and while it was pretty great, it DID have some spoiler-rich content so I’ll be back to avoiding altogether again soon, but what I did encounter gave me some writing vibes) so I wrote in a blank document a scene and it’s essentially a future unknown chapter number for my D&D fic and so it’s the first real time I’ve written a chapter out of order. It’s still pretty rough around the edges but I’m happy with it.

I’m also tired.

I’m also listening to music–loudly, by the way, but music helps to wake me up. Or sleep, sometimes. Sometimes sleep.

Oooo, a nice new song has come on. Yay.

God, I’m so tired.

But I did some networking online today. I had a long day at work, physically exhausting. But it’s over now, hooray. And I decently edited a video, not finished, but I started it so that counts. And then I did some creative writing. And now I’m blogging.

I have been blogging behind the scenes too, I’d like to mention. I’ve been working on a graphic novel book review/book exploration station thingy. I worked on that Fri and well, Fri. Maybe Th too. But I haven’t further.

Actually, I wanted to talk about that–my library has opened up so now you can browse AND sit inside for a bit, no time limit and you just have to wear your mask. So, yay. I’m planning to stop by tomorrow. Ideally, I’ll finish my review and then the book will be checked in at that time and I’ll pay off the last dues and then no longer be blocked, hooray! I have a nonfic book I’m working on now. I did a little reading yesterday evening even.

But yeah, I’ am sooooo so exhausted.

I think it’s time for sleep.

I’m going to go to sleep.

Goo night.

I’d fix the typos but, eh, too sleepy.

I’ll see you guys more later this week.

Bye. xx

PS I took off on a break from Youtube last week so I’m gonna be cranking out some videos this week. All right I’m losing to my falling eyelids. See ya.

PPS We should be soon celebrating hitting 16,000 views. Amongst other things to celebrate belatedly. Also also also, I think I’m in love and that’s special. I can’t wait to work on more art projects soon. Okay sleep now. Yes. Seep.

One of Those Days | #ItsOkayToBeUnproductive


So I realized I could make a last minute blog post today since it’s still Mon, even if it’s closer to 11p EST. So, here I am.

Today was an odd day. Off, mostly.

I struggled to wake up today and didn’t really get up until about noon. I also fell asleep last night by about 11p. I really had to pry my eyes open multiple times in the morning, but they never really wanted to be. By 2p I was drifting into sleepy states again while I was watching some Youtube videos. I finally got myself up to watch over and re-classify some old videos footage but I didn’t feel up to video editing, not really. I also thought about and was planning on appropriately answering messages online (a blog comment, a Youtube comment, an email, etc.) but I just couldn’t get myself together to do so.

It just felt insurmountable and exhausting, you know?

So I resorted to what I normally do and started looking at some videos on Youtube on my laptop.

I then searched for Athena’s stuff and watched some videos about her, her life and current happenings and did that guiltily for the next couple of hours, so that sucked.

I definitely could have used that time to either:

  • read a book
  • edit a video
  • spend time offline
  • watch Thor
  • write fan fiction
  • color or make art
  • film a video
  • listen to music
  • answer messages or challenge myself to answer with a starting sentence (breaking it down)

You get the idea. *insert a grim smiling emoticon here*

But I didn’t really do any of the above and just wallowed and got swallowed up. Luckily I wasn’t pulling too much so that’s a silver lining to the day.

I did find myself enthralled and shocked while watching near death experiences videos during dinner (a lovely meal my Mom made, thank goodness) and then was very into and captivated by tsunami videos–normally if I were watching like an angry people compilation, I’ll revert inwards and retreat via self-soothing techniques which pretty much always means I’ll be hair pulling–but I didn’t do that with the tsunami videos so I think I may have found something so horrific and fascinating to watch that will deter me from pulling when I have those urges, so, er, that’s interesting?

I was particularly intrigued by the information on whirlpools and then the miraculous event where no one was killed in the 1980 whirlpool incident with the salt and oil mining company (I can link a video at the bottom, actually, no, I’ll just do it here):

So, that was something.

I was doing that by about 9p and by 10p I was watching other little videos here and there. I managed to brush my teeth for the day, and the night, let’s be honest, and also just take care of some other bodily care things–like my meds! I didn’t take them all day but I finally got myself to do so so that’s good at least.

Now I’m just winding down with email alerts, music and writing this post. It occurred to me when I decided I could answer one last message before bed that I could write a little something here, even if it’s not all that much. For anyone who has been reading, thank you immensely, and I hope this post serves as a type of an update and just a ‘Hey, how are you?’ post from me. 🙂

But yeah, I’ll be off to address that one Youtube comment and pack up for the night. I honestly never filled out my planner for the weekend so I have to pencil that in right now. And then I’ll be listening to some creepy stories for sleep. Sweet, sweet sleep. I look forward to it.

Also, my schedule at work may be changing soon but that’s a discussion for another day. I’m gonna probably brainstorm some of the posts I still want to achieve for this month tomorrow, so that should be fun. Some fun ones and ones taking a bit more work and all that jazz.

Here’s hoping tomorrow will shape up to be a better and more productive day (and I have to remind myself that these ‘less productive/unproductive’ days are okay to have sometimes too!!!).

Until then, my friends.

Sending light. ❤ xxx

Upcoming News & Updates | #selfcarestrategies

Throwing it back to an old thumb, created probs about 3 or 4 years ago. ❤

Hi there!!

This part was written May 18th 2021, from about 12:30p & 12:45pm.

Hi again.

If I don’t get myself to do this post, then I’ll wind up missing yet another day so here’s what I have to say via bullet points:

  • The NAMI Walks Your Way 2021 Walk Day is THIS upcoming Sat, May 22nd. I will be working in the morning but I may swing by and do a live stream at the end of the week on my Youtube channel or I’ll just do something artsy and fun on the day of, maybe even a live stream later that evening.
  • IF you’d like to donate to my page, that I never properly set up and kept saying I was going to do but then just never did, all the money will NOT go to me, I won’t see a lick of it, but it will go directly towards NAMI. IF you wish to donate on my page or to my team more generally or to someone else entirely, here’s the link to do so.
  • My Sat and Sun shifts went super well! I just fell asleep early Sat before I could blog and Sun I think fell along the same lines and I was trying to work towards a post but then I was pulling so I put myself to bed instead, but that was even late at like 11p or 12a.
  • I’ve been awake today since 6:45am which is SUPER rare, especially since I didn’t sleep via a nap today. It’s 10:30p to put things in perspective at the moment. I AM exhausted so I can’t wait to go to sleep soon.
  • My library overdue/post due fees from a farther away library went down from $224 to $75 and I’m SUPER happy and proud about that. I still have 3 nonfics I have to read and then 4 novels from my most recent (in the last two months) run at the library there. I’m excited though.
  • If only I could actually make and stick to the time I’d like to set aside to just read. If tomorrow is nice, I’ll make myself go outside to read with my new hat on and my rockin’ new sunglasses
  • I went out for a run/jog today. It was nice. Very sweaty, VERY much so and I couldn’t hold up a stamina but I tried and I did it for 20 mins and it did release some endorphins which took my mind away from the bad tooth pains I’ve been having increasingly so now.
  • I’m hoping that my teeth issues aren’t as severe as I think they are. My worst fear would be getting another molar extracted, and my appointment for the dentist isn’t until mid-June, so that’s…. horrifying. I’m trying to keep positive and also break down my all or nothing thinking and really try and aim for a better dental hygiene type of relationship. Even if it’s just dry brushing at night, it would be a big help!!
  • I’ve been really pretty great at answering messages online both today and yesterday, Monday, so I’m pretty proud about that. It kept me on my toes.
  • I haven’t heard from my dating friend and I’m low-key worried yet I’m trying to reason with myself that I can’t know what’s going on since they’re in the hospital and I can just hope that they’re okay and maybe send out a text to them that I know they won’t see until much later. I’m definitely just concerned because it’s been radio silence. I’m afraid that the relationship attempt in the romance avenue may be drifted aside because of how much they’re still struggling and that the romance ‘expectations’ may be too much and they maybe can’t handle that on top of everything else (which I wouldn’t fault my dating friend for!!) It’s definitely an ‘I can only wait and see’ kind of thing. I’m trying to practice some radical acceptance and sit with the uncertainty the best I can.
  • I put up my video on Sat! I stayed true to my boundary and didn’t look at it thoroughly until Mon, and didn’t promote it on Twitter until then either. I just got a comment on it today which was mildly terrifying but it was totally okay!! Here it is down below in case you want to see it, too.

  • Did I mention my teeth are really bothering me? Ugh and eoooff.
  • I could say a lot more–like how I want to blog some tags this week and hauls and continue editing some videos to upload this week as well but I’m literally falling asleep sitting up so I have to go for now.

Thank you so much for reading and I’ll see you all tomorrow.


This section was written 15 mins from 10:30p-10:45p